Idkanymore.

I just don't feel well. Since a few days ago I just feel weird. 

I just want to blame it on the vaccination I got but I will just be lying to myself if I think that is the answer.

The more I thought  about it, the clearer my answer got.

My answer to why I feel and act weird:

Cos I am a freakin bad person.

I am a bad daughter.
I am a bad sister.
I am a bad friend.
I am a bad student.
I am a bad teammate.
I am a bad schoolmate.

I think I am so bad that I don't even know what is bad and good.

To sum up I just think that I am someone who was born as a human wrongly and end up hurting those around me one way or another.

I feel as though I am a rotten orange.  Looks good on the outside but actually rotten on the inside. 

My conscience is finally alive and is killing me for all the bad deeds I did to those around me, esp my parents and friends.

Gawd, I feel horrible just thinking about the nonsense I did to my parents in the past. As their first child I bet they had such high hopes and wishes for me. Even though I changed for the better, I feel as though I am becoming that horrible person I used to be back then. And that scares the out of me.  To get to the Medicine course, I need an A in everything. So far I dont even have an A. The ironic part is that I got a D grade for Bio. My parents want to be a doctor since I was a child. I really want to become a doctor for their sake and mine. The course is also expensive. All my fathers life savings will be used up for it. Sigh.  I feel as though I am going to let them down.

I should have treated some of my friends better. But because I am a selfish jerk, I hurt them so many times. Even though I am a way better friend to them and my new friends now, just thinking about those memories disgust me and I feel terrible.

My younger brother, i want to be a sister that he is proud of. But I don't think I am. Firstly, I didn't manage to get into the college he badly wanted me to go to cos I am not smart enough. Secondly, I don't know how to correct his character when my character itself is so bad! Thirdly, I argue with him too much. Usually I will just ignore him. But recently, I have been arguing back with him an end up saying words that hurts his super sensitive heart. Aish..

I feel that I am being hyper to cope with these feelings.

I sincerely apologize to anyone who had been disturbed or annoyed by it. I am so sorry.

I don't think I will be updating WGM Special Rapper Season, Guess and not a Fairytale this week. Even if I do, it will be ty work.

I also won't be updating SM Corner frequently.

I just want to fully sort this out.

Sorry.

Till then.

Ti