Sometimes I wish I didn't have to pretend so much. I want to be myself, talk about the things I love. I talk about dance, but I can't talk about me not accepting certain Christian beliefs. I can't talk about many things. 

I understand why I have to pretend, I know other people pretend. Everyone does. So why does it come as a surprise that idols pretend? If we pretend in front of family and friends, idols can pretend in front of strangers. 

I wish I cant vent my frustrations about my senior, talk about everything, but the thing is I can't do it here. I can't vent in real life. The counselor is not as accessible as a close friend, and a close friend isn't as understanding as the counselor. Readers here give me good advice, but I can't risk creating an issue because this is so controversial. I had to explain to people about my comments frequently. If misinterpretation happens over little comments, it will cause a big issue in that. 

I really want to talk to people about it, but I don't want people telling me, "Just don't think about her. Just be happy."

Not a day goes by without thinking of her. I told you she wasn't so damn forgettable. After making such an issue and people talking about it, they just discard her. I want to know that there are people who still think of her, I want to know that there are people who will respect and honour her. This issue sincerely changed my views on bad things that are reported in the newspapers. I no longer crack jokes without berating myself for it. Of course I didn't mean to belittle anyone, but I have learnt to understand the seriousness of certain issues.