I seriously feeling guilty because no longer want to know about Tiffany at all. Am I hating her? I should not right? Because OT9. But after the news broke out 4.4.14.. it is so hard to accept Tiffany as it is. I am not liking this feeling at all. Thou i am liking Taeyeon more than ever but its weird not to like or care about Tiffany anymore. I used to take or download any pictures of Tiffany taken by news site or fans. Now i can't be bothered.  Is this a phase? Would i get over this? Arrrghhh.. i can't seem to like her anymore. Why?? -Sigh- 

I hate this feeling of not giving my all to SoShi. things feel different now. I suddenly remember Tiffany interview in english that to like their song more and to separate their personal life from their songs. But don't we love them first then their songs? Don't we do our best and try to make them number 1? If based onjust their song, they might not get number 1. But even if they do not get number 1.. they are still the best in SONE heart. I don't think i consider myself a SONE now. Probably i am good riddance to the SONE fandom. 

I began to tthink..  if SONE not leaving SoShi.. one day SoShi will leave right? To build their family.. their life and everything they want. We as fans? What do we get? We get to grow with SoShi and move on with life too? Hmm.. i have so much contradicts in my heart and brain. My heart says to keep loving them but brain says.. leave while i can as they won't last and stop making my life revolve around them. They won't know me among the thousands of fans.

This journey with them have been since 2008. Could i let go that easily?  These 4.4.14 news really open my brain and wake up to rreality.  What should i do? -Sigh- i really hate this conflicted feeling.