Well hello and thank you to anyone who reads this (I'm watching you chingus)

So about a year (almost two) i became depressive. It's nothing to be proud of , especially if you still feel disgust by yourself everyday you look in the mirror or you just look down on your body. But I'm proud that I'm still alive , even though my cuts weren't that deep.. But that hatred (that still lingers in my head and will forever stay) left scars .. for a person like me , that likes creppy stuff or a sadist , it's beautiful but at the same time it's regretful.

Being depressed is like having two different personalities : one that wants and the other that refuses.

And that depressive time came in the summer (bathing season , beach , sand , sun , etc.) and I'm not going to lie my thighs are chubby (lol no they're fat as ) and I also have anxiety which is why the past summer i didn't step on sand and stayed home feeling dusgusted with myself and lonely.

School had finished on the 6th June and we (i was a ninth grader(istillam)) had suplementary classes for the national exams  , but since the teachers already showed me that I failed the year , I didn't went to those classes. And when the day of my PT exam (the first one)(and was actually on my birthday) arrives I paced around the house ,  my mom watching with a face that screamed both dissapointment and pity. And when it was only 30 minutes for the test to start , I looked at my mom and she let her head down telling me that i't's over' , 'try harder next time' , 'they did it on purpose' and whatsover.

But I didn't want to quit and tell her 'yeah , next time' , but the flame of hope vanished and I was hopeless.

I've finally lost a school year doing nothing but thinking about death and killing myself .

I've finally ruined my 'no failed school year' reputation.. just because of ''society''.

And then i heard BTS -''No More Dream'' and it really made me open my eyes. Because maybe everyone didn't mind society and all they did was focusing on their dreams , a better future , a better life . And then there was me ; a hopeless dreamer that fell on her knees , a sword right next to her neck ,  giving up her throne for some ty comments .

But it's been a year , and now evertything's on track , BTS helped me finding my own self and made me have courage to leave my house and live my new-made life .

It's almost a year that BTS debut and I'm pround to call myself a ARMY , a really proud one. And now , yes , I have a dream. A dream of a better tomorrow,  because now I'm bulletproof!

Well poointless blog about my figthing depression story.

No one will carea anyway , but oh well i'm used to it.

Bye-bi~

(PS: Thanks to BTS I also started to write on AFF , so be thankful to them aswell xD)