What hurts the most

I'm sorry but I just have to say this out loud.

 

 

I'm hurt so bad. When I was 11 I had my first crush to a guys named ____________. Because of him, I tried my best to become a lady since i'm tomboy-ish and playful and all the boys are scared of me (I'm no damsel in distress).  I even EXERCISED and GOT SLIM (mind you, if you're the reason I got slim, you should be grateful). I don't know what happened, one day, the whole school suddenly knew I was head over heels for him. His friends bullied me, saying that he loves his girlfriend VERY MUCH and he would NEVER notice me. I didn't let that get in the way of my love for him. I was about to confess when my friends told me to STOP and just FORGET about him, I asked them why and they told me that they heard him saying that he doesn't like me because of my skin color and called me a white lady because of that.. Is he a racist or something?

 

So, I tried my best to forget about him since he's a jerk. Until now. I accidentally opened my old classmates' profile in facebook and saw a picture of HIM and my CLASSMATES' OLDER SISTER being all sweet and mushy.

The feelings I thought I have already barricaded bursted out like a dam. It hurts so bad. And the worst thing ever is that I'm still INLOVE with him and I know this is not just a little crush anymore. It's been 5 years already. 5 YEARS! Why can't I move on?!!!

 

 

I'm so sorry, I just needed to let this out. It's been hiding in me for 5 years and I just need to breathe for once and tell this to someone.

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OfSereneNights #1
oh god i did not sound like a preacher, no?
OfSereneNights #2
falling in love with someone who wont love you . but the worst part is actually the fact that even though you've already built a wall for you to protect yourself from him, you can't seem to move on. that's pretty normal for us, girls. pscyhology works on that.

However, the "moving on" part is a little tricky. Moving on, for me, means that you've let go of the past already. you've set yourself free, free from him or free from the feelings you have for him. And often times, we, ourselves, get confused a lot. Maybe, we can't move on especially if we think that we have so much to remember. And five years of bearing such feelings inside you is NO JOKE at all.

And since we're all stressed out and worn out, we tend to get all emotional when thinking, thus preventing us from differentiating the pros and cons when we're considering whether to "drop" the feelings for them or not.

But do remember, falling in love is different from love itself. i'm pretty sure you've known this already but everything that falls, also breaks.

You just need someone else to help you fix those broken pieces. Someday. And when the time comes that someone's there for you, to help you, to love you, you wont know you've actually been hurt.

PS I dont know if it's just me but confessing actually enlightens ourselves. In my opinion, the main goal of confessing is to let the other people know that we love them. However, a lot mistakes confession as something that may only result to either rejection or acceptance. Pain is always in the way but I doubt if the "happy times" are not worth a feeling that's just petty
chan92 #3
yes his lost for your love . . so let move on . . i had this experience, and we are same, its hard to let go our first crush o love .. but in my case i try to move on but in slowly way .. yes this hurt like hell , omgosh i can feel it again . . hahha try to move on and dont give up for yourself, improve yourself k . . if u want help , i'm here :-)
impeccableduizhang #4
Aww.. Dongsaeng! /hug /pat pat
I didnt know you are inlove with someone this intense.
Funny hoe first crush/love kinda and all.
If you had love him that much and he didnt appreciate it, his lost.

/hug again

/offers you ice cream

Saranghae dongsaeng

I am sorry to hear you are hurting this way
samarkatloi #5
same here... I couldn't move on with my first love either.
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