It is taking a toll on me. Dance, I mean. I sense changes in my mood when I miss a lesson due to illness or because my instructor has something else on. I can feel my mood changing whenever I miss a week's worth of lessons. This time I have missed two weeks of lessons. I wonder, what if I fail the jazz test tomorrow? And get removed from the team, when my instructor has finally seen my efforts, my love for dance? And will I have the courage to see them again if I do fail? My team mates, they love me so much, those people who loved me, I finally made a friend in class! He's a year younger than me and doesn't want to be in the team, but dances to relieve the stress. 

I cling onto dance not because it's a responsibility, but because I cannot imagine a life without dance anymore. It is taking a toll on my schoolwork, I feel it but I do not care anymore. I don't know if I am going to see results when I hold on to dance, I just know that I should hold on to it, because not a day passes without me thinking of dance, I find myself dancing in random places, I don't know if it is a delusion that I will see results. I do not want to be famous, I just want to do something that I love. If I do not do it, what is the meaning of life?