I apologize in advance for anyone who chooses to read this rant, it's kinda long:

truly feeling upset right now.

i know i shouldn't be, but i can't help but be disappointed with how things have turned out.

just keep getting piles and piles of bad news today.

in retrospect, some people would be happy about this last thing that just happened, but i can't help but let it make me depressed and disappointed with myself.

did i do something wrong? was i not good enought in their eyes?

i mean today was pretty bad but within the last 10 minutes i just got hit with news that just made the day worse.

1. Didn't get chosen to sing the national anthem for a conference (honestly no big deal, i entered on the last day for fun)
2. Got hounded during rehearsal cuz I kept missing my cues to play. I'm sick and have been out of it and was of course temporarily section leader for the day to guide a group that has never played the piece before and who kept playing random shizz to try to compensate. no. just. no.  (still upset about that and kept getting reprimanded all throughout school...)
3. Missed class last friday (and it was first for the semester) for an interview & came to class today for makeup work but teacher was gone and i was totally out of the loop & still haven't gotten anything caught up. (more stressed than upset about this)
4. Now, this is the one that people would probably be iffy about my feelings towards. I am probably younger than people on here think but whatever, I got into a college but not the honors college that has all of the financial scholarships and opportunities that i wanted. Instead of the honors college, i got into the scholars program which is shorter and not considered as prestigious. in their decision letter, they said they chose me for that program instead of the honors college because they thought it fit my interests of research & community service better. However, with this program, i still dont have the same opportunities and such that a student in the honors college would.  (I dont know, it's just that this school was the only in-state school that I had really wanted to go to, BUT only if I got the perks of the honors college. It's just a bummer that now it will be officially crossed off my radar)
5. ^Other people got into the honors college who are honestly not as qualified as I am and it makes me really wonder where tf I screwed up to have not gotten in
6. it is super freaking hot inside my house right now & i can't tell if it really is the house to overcompensate for the 7 degrees it is outside with the freezing windchill, or if it's cuz im sick...
7. took a long nap and now have to cram study and do a bunch of work (also minor cuz i dont really care since my nap was wonderful)

So yeah. Today has been terrible & I pray that the remainder of this week gets better and does not bear any more bad news. I hear back from my top schools this week so I am seriously hoping that I can get in to them or I will really, truly be royally screwd.

That is all for my rant & I am sorry for making anyone who had the decency of reading this, well, read this...

Here's to hoping for better days & no bad news.

Excuse me while I go shame eat and huddle into my couch in sadness while watching Netflix

/Rant over/