Hi guys, it's me again!

In case you guys didn't know, I've been through some emotional moments lately because of my work. It was pretty hard to adapt to a completely new world that I was unfamiliar with. However, allow me to take this chance to thank those who have motivated me and gave me useful advices. Thanks guys ^^

Anyway, I'm here again because I came over a pretty interesting article today. Not sure whether it's useful to you guys or not, but it really gave me a little more confidence about myself and prepare myself to adapt and be prideful. Although this article is targeted to mostly Asian women, I think it is pretty much applicable to everyone since there must have been a period of time when you felt like giving up and being extremely confused. Hope it's useful to y'all ^^

Note: This is taken from The Straits Time, Saturday 25 Jan 2014

I'm sorr—
How to suppress the apology reflex

By: Audrey S. Lee

CONFIDENCE, at least in the American workplace, means never having to say you're sorry.

I know that now, but early in my career, I found myself apologising over and over as my confidence and self-worth were tested on every level - from my job function to performance reviews, from net-working to winning clients.

I grew up in a family with strong Confucian values; my parents had emigrated to the United States from China. My father was a principled man who sought to preserve and enforce Chinese cultural values over Western ones. I think he was frightened by American pop culture in the 1960s: he was sure that without his vigilance, my sister and I would grow up to be brash, bra-burning hippies. So he wanted us to demonstrate humility, one of the most cherished Confucian ideals.

"Don't ever talk about yourslef," he would mandate. "Let your teacher say good things about you. It's not for you to say."

Even when others complimented me, I learnt to play down and even be the first to criticise my accomplishments. And I gradually started thinking that I didn't have worth unless someone in authority said I did. It wasn't my place to question that.

I would often start and end my conversations with the word "sorry" - sorry for bothering you, sorry for the bad news, sorry this issue came up, sorry for asking questions.

As the youngest girl in the family, I felt that I didn't have as much to offer as my elders, and that what I had to say wasn't worth a whole lot.

Blame and shame usually trickled down the hierarchy in my family, and usually landed at my feet. A broken vase? Spilt milk? Mistakes? All eyes were on me. So from early on, I started apologising first, just to get it out of the way. I found that it often mitigated heated situations.

But that approach didn't work as well when I entered the workplace, especially in my job at a high-tech company where I had to interact with many teams and senior managers. I remembered skulking around corners on the way to my boss' door and knocking sheepishly:

"Very sorry to interupt you. Can I ask a question about this project? Sorry."

"Sure, come in. No need to apologise."

"Ok, sorry."

I heard similar reassurances from a product manager, who told me that I should stand up for myself and stop apologising. And, finally, I heard this exclamation from an executive: "Stop saying 'sorry'! You don't need to unless you did do something wrong, OK? The team and customers will think that you aren't confident when you always apologise!"

Changes didn't happen right away. It took a long time to internalise their message. Much of one's worth is equated to compensation and promotions in a workplace. And for years,bringing up these topics and taking credit for my own work were still uncomfortable and even embarrassing. 

But I realised that I had to stretch myself to succeed in an environment that was so different from my cultural upbringing. Confidence was expected. And I knew that it won't just spring up from a pat-yourself-on-the-back brand of puffery, but from a deeper understanding of worth and how it could be communicated in the workplace.

As I examined my background and core values, I discovered that having a perpetually apologetic stance didn't necessarily represent true humility. I found that I could offer an honest self-portrait without being arrogant, so others would see how I could make a diference.

This was a style of confidence that felt congruent and authentic to me. The process of self-examination gave me a framework that allowed me to go outside my comfort zone and work in an increasingly diverse workplace.

Throughout my career, I've met many other professionals who have struggled to find their worth on the job. Women and members of minority groups, especially, are often raised with one set of values and expectations, and then suddenly need to excel in a new environment where the path to success is much different. My journey has allowed me to help such professionals understand and voice their worth to others while remaining true to themselves.

I have to acknowledge that, to this day, I still find myself needing to suppress the urge to be self-deprecating. But I did learn this: how to give myself permission to claim my worth.

"No," I said definitively one day, as I was gunning for a new role witha better salary. "I think I'm going to have to stick with this number." I had done my research and knew my proposed valuation was in line with others who were equally qualified.

"That's fine," my future boss responded. "You're the right fit - I look forward to getting started."

Just like that. And I realised I had proven my worth without once saying I was sorry.

New York Times
The writer is an executive coach, global leadership strategist and a co-author of Flex: The New Playbook For Managing Across Differences.

Hope you guys enjoyed the article. Have a good weekend ahead ^^