Topic : Friends (Author-nim is here to spill her feelings again...)

  Okay. Haha... I really wasn't going to do this, but I had no other choice. (so dramatic, author-nim, what the frick...)

  If you've read the recent update for 'The Ballad of 12 Sinful Angels' (Chapter thirty-three), and you saw my author's note, I think it would clear things a bit.

  Lately, I feel as if I'm losing friends. Yeah, the majority of us went to different schools and we're all separated. Well, there were chances to see them and hang with them, but I felt like... I was no longer part of that boat. It was as if I had left that boat long ago, and all I did was force myself to go or participate.

  I always feel left out even though I've known them for a while now (well... actually some of them I had met in less than two years). Wait, okay that might be why, since we haven't met for that long. (haha yeah, problem solved. -sigh- Time to go home.)

  Anyways...

  Now I feel as if I'm done for. 

  I don't know anything anymore.

  I've distanced myself from my best friends and I refuse to keep a conversation going by answering in short, quick replies. I feel as if it's my fault, which it probably true, but honestly... I think I just need to get some space for a while... away from everything.

  Maybe... going camping...joining a music class without them...a dance class... 

  But I'm afraid if things don't get better... I'll have to transfer somewhere away from all of them by the end of this school year. I can make new friends in thee couple months, but... who knows if I'll find what I'm searching for.

  I guess now that I think about it... 

  I don't need presents... gifts... surprises...money...

  I just need a shoulder for comfort.

  I don't want someone who'll just joke around when things are tough... That's one thing I can't stand... I know that it might be funny and it'll help me... but for me... it just adds fuel to a blazing fire inside of me. 

  I've plastered smiles and lies on my face and mouth when it's bad, but when it's the worst... I'll break and fix myself on my own. I'll say it's okay, because that's what I want them to believe. I'll say it as many times as I want to convince them... and see how long they'll hold up before they give in.

  Who'll give in after fifty lies...? A hundred lies...? A thousand lies...?

  Or maybe never?

  Who knows...

  I guess I just needed to let this all out before I start crying again (oh gosh), haha.

  It's nice to just let it all out without having to say it in between sobs...

  Heck, what am I talking about...?

  I don't have any friends who'll comfort me without joking around, making things worse, or dropping a bomb on my face.

  I just have this empty, blank piece of paper (well, canvas if it's on a laptop) and my mind.

  Haha, sorry for all this you guys. ^^ I'll stop now. 

  (For those who read the recent update in 'The Ballad of 12 Sinful Angels' This is another special occasion, haha. Wow. I'm slippery these days... Maybe when I get back to school, I'll focus more on work then all these emotional feelings.)

  Thank you for reading this (if you got through all those... dramatic... weird stuff I wrote).

  Also...

  Have a Happy New Years! ^^ I've started mine out so great, huh? Haha... Lovely indeed.

  My New Years Resolution is... probably to keep strong and try not to fall... if I do fall... I'll just keep getting back on my feet on my own... until I've met someone who's willing to help me (probably won't be until a very... long time if I choose the option to stay in the same school... and history.)

  

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sabirah #1
Aww,you know what..I know that it seems to being a little bit bithersome to you..coz I I have been in the same shoes as you..maybe as always as there are many people who didn't seem to favor of me in my world ..nothing much..I just want you to stay positive and i'm sure that there must be someone out there who would be willing to be your peers..:-) ..I.sure there must be inner beauty within you
aiko993 #2
I'm not sure what a 'true friend' is. To be honest with you, I've had a lot of friends in my life, you know, the people you laugh and joke with over silly things that no one really cares about (did you go to the mall recently? What about that new episode, did you watch it?), but when it comes down to the moment when I really need someone, I only rely on myself. I'm not sure if this is what you're feeling, but I guess... I kind of understand? In a way, maybe you think a true friend is someone who you can spend your happiest moments with and forget that time ever existed, but during the toughest times, they stand beside you and keep you strong, instead of saying everything will be fine or making jokes, they're just there. In all honesty, I've been looking for a true friend all my life and I haven't found that person yet. I understand when you question if it is 'myself' that is the reason and maybe it is, maybe it isn't. In all my years, I have just become comfortable with myself. I don't change for someone and I don't expect them to change for me. Sometimes though, if you honestly believe that person is worth holding onto, a little give and take doesn't hurt either. My wall or private message is always open for a chat, if you ever feel like it. And no, I don't think you're the only one who's going through this. Lots of people are looking for that special someone to call their friend, it will happen, maybe not today or tomorrow or five, ten years from now, but that doesn't mean it won't ever happen. Just keep your head up, you have the strength to hold yourself together already and that's already half the battle won.
Sony14 #3
Hwaiting author-im!
iSayRawrCx #4
I kind of get how you feel and I just felt so proud while reading this because you sound so strong and somewhat optimistic, which is really admirable. Even if you do lose those friends, I know you'll be able to make good friends elsewhere. I second your decision to join some sort of class so you'll be doing something you like, while also sharing that experience with othwrs who like it. Make friends and have fun while doing it right? (: If anything, you know you can also talk to people on asianfanfic because, at least for me, its slightly easierto talk to people when not being face-to-face. I hope you feel better though! Life's full of ups and downs but you just have to hope for the best. (I really need to take my own advice to heart LOL)
fantasydreams #5
Author-nim I know it's hard but have trust in yourself. I'm like you...I hide my feelings and fake smiles in front of everyone but that's what made me stronger. I can't cry in front of people even if their actions and words hurt like knives I didn't let a drop of tears fall. Author-nim, a suggestion from me is to write out your feelings in a diary or a notebook...cry as you write...it'll release your pains and once you're done re-read what you wrote and look up to the sky...let the stars be the witnesses of your tears and you'll feel the pain slowly disappearing. I know it sound funny but trust me...it worked for me. Life isn't fair but you can try your best to make it fair for yourself. Friends comes and goes but not your heart, mind and soul...be strong and one day your pain will be heard and treated...and also good job with the story xD author-nim fighting!!
Sooyong #6
Sorry. Im online using my phone so yeah. Let me continue, everything will be fine authornim. Don't stress yourself. One fine day, you will find your true friend. I hope you'll be find
Sooyong #7
Well, actually, i didn't know how to comfort anyone. But i just wanna tell you that everyting will
baebyblue #8
Authornim... I hope you feel better, find some friends who REALLY, TRULY understand you, and remember to keep your head up and stay strong! Hwaiting!~ Sometimes you just have to let it all out and just... cry. Crying and letting it all out will make you feel better. If you ever need someone to talk to about your feelings, don't hesitate to come here. We'll hear you out and comfort you the best we can:) Even though your New Year didn't start off that great, I hope you'll make happy memories with those whom you love and those who love you in return. Stay strong authornim! Don't fall, not yet. You'll find someone who understands you, I promise!:D
Stepphano #9
Hey authornim. As cliché as it may sound, it will get better. Don't stress yourself! Remember to take good care of your health. PM, if you ever need someone to converse about your current situation. P.S: I adore your stories and personality (:!
Mikanonikka #10
didn't* ...oops >_<
Mikanonikka #11
For you to be able to tell us this must've lifted a bit of weight off your shoulders.
things do go wrong, things do get worse but at the end it'll always get better. Try not to stress yourself out too much, okay? Listen to some inspirational Kpop songs, or whatever you enjoy~
Please PM me, I'll tell you something about myself that I dodnt mention in my comment the other day..I want to share it with you :')
phzznix #12
Hey, I know that feeling. I really do. So, if you need a shoulder of comfort, lean on me. *puffs shoulder towards your direction* I'll try my best to help you even though I'm not there. Just PM me. Promise. :) Fighting! <3
Alyssa18 #13
Aww that's alright author nim I'm here :"> don't give up! FIGHTING <3
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