Happy New Year! 

I've been making my New Year Resolution list. Since I have had 2 days off (the 31st and the 1st) and am all on my own, 100 miles from anyone I know,  I have been making a list and been thinking about what I want to do with my life this year. 2013 has been crappy but I am determined that 2014 will be the year I sort my life out and start living! 

I plan to go back to college and get another A-Level in Further Maths. I already have a Maths A-Level but you need more than 1 Maths A-Level to study Mathematics (with Finance) at university - which is one of my aims for this year. Reapply for entry to univeristy in Sept 2015. Except this time I will go to a decent uni, do the course I actually want to do and also I will plan with my doctors and counsellors strategies so that I don't end up burning out and then dropping out... again... 

I plan to travel. I have 3 trips in the works already. I am maybe going to Paris at the end of January for my friend's 21st. I will be going to London, as a sightseer with friends this time, in May. And in the summer I am going to the US! I have never been but my friend and I made a promise when we were 16 that when we finished uni (when we were 21) we would travel the US and though I never finished the promise still stands so we are hoping to go June/July-ish.

I want to get fit. I am a big girl. I used to feel crappy about my weight but I have learnt over the years not to feel self conscious about my size, all my family is big, I am curvy, I used to be over 22st at my heaviest at 15. I went to an American 'fat camp' over the summer that was setting up in the UK (one of the best summers of my life btw - 6 weeks camp in the Lake District - it was amazing!) and have never been that unhealthy again - I am 5st lighter than I was then but I am still big. Most people are shocked by how heavy I am since I don't actually look it (not that I am going to show you guys a picture of myself - I'm not that stupid :P). But my brother, who used to be bigger than me, has lost 7st in 2 years and is joining the RAF this year. He has inspired me to try and be healthier. As well as me realising that while I can walk for hours, can walk up 4 flights of stairs everyday to get to the office without breaking a sweat, I am still too big. I am bottom heavy which means that most of my weight is in my bottom and thighs, and I feel embarrassed when I sit in tight chairs or spaces. I haven't been on a plane since I was small and I want to travel this summer so I need to be smaller and fitter. Not too small cos I happen to like my padding but fit enough to jog and maybe run. Small enough to sit comfortable in seats with armrests. 

I plan to read the Bible cover to cover. I did it once before when I was 8. Don't ask me why an 8 yo decided to read the bible. I was a weird child. I read everything. But this is something that is a personal thing. I have had a lot of problems since my early teens. I never really thought about religion - it was more something abstract my mum would talk about happily or hear my dad/stepmum rant about the stupidity of it. It was only after I went through my diagnosis and my coming out that I thought more about it and I felt that maybe the reason I always stopped myself from harming myself further at times was because someone was looking out for me. I don't know who that was, but it made me feel something like faith. And so I want to read the bible to understand what its all about. I might even check out some other religions while I'm at it - personal faith discovery aim (lol)

The one you were all waiting for - I want to write more. I am now settled and have the internet. I feel I have a bit less stress, though I have different ones - like bills, taxes, job, car, etc. So I am going to make a seperate blog post about all the fics I have planned for 2014. Bu Bu Jing Xin and Eyes On The Moon will remain the 1st and 2nd priorities but I'd like to try and write some oneshots. I have only written a couple and I have so many ideas that I don't have the time to make into full fics so I will set myself an aim for each month and see if I can fulfill it.

I don't know whether anyone will read this, I don't mind if its just me and my dog that knows my thoughts. Its just that when I post stuff out on the internet I feel like I am committing myself to these goals. I can't just pretend they never happened cos I only thought them in my head. I have found that writing is therapeutic, so any big decisions/news I try to write down some place. I have been told this in the past but I didn't really believe it til this year. 2013 could've been a lot worse if I hadn't of started writing or talking to people online. I am particularly thankful to Miki (if she reads this ;D), I wouldn't have made it to 2014 without her.

So if anyone did make it all the way through, or even if they skipped to the bottom, what are your goals for 2014/new year resolutions? Is 2014 going to be a memorable year for you? 

Anyway I am going to go write ch4 of Eyes on the Moon cos its been a month and the number of subscribers is making me worried...