What am I supposed to say. I don’t have anyone to blame. There’s no one to blame. No one is in the wrong. The interruption unforeseen was caused by weather and fate. The weather was a snowstorm and fate was a death. The death was a person whose death was seen coming for years. Everyone had already said their goodbyes. I didn’t even know the person, never once met her. But still it’s a death. How am I supposed to be a cold hearted person and say that it ruined my plans. Plans that had been dreamed of for months. Months of hardships.

But it did. It ruined everything. And thats the catcher. It makes me so angry to know that there was nothing that I could have done.

I know that this sounds so obscenely trivial. My plans for Christmas break were ruined.Boo hoo.

But it was plans that I was desperately holding onto. Plans that held me together throughout my hell of an experience in school. It held me through all the terrible times that I am going through. Now, now it’s just gone. Theres nothing to be said, nothing to blame. That hope I was clutching onto for dear life, simply gone. The simplicity of it is was makes my feelings so utterly complicated.

Going through these things alone is hard. Keeping yourself together by falsely holding onto a sense of security, is all that I could do. It’s so hard being alone. No one cares. They don’t care about me. You have no idea how many times people have left me. I can’t take it. I just need you to stay! Don’t let me go! It’s what I want to scream out, but would they care? No, they never have. I block it out, not wanting to go there. Damn. I’ve become a terrible person, not caring about others and only trying to help myself. Still, I make people think that I care. I make myself believe that I care. But deep down, I don’t give a . Not anymore. I only want people to think that I am the sweet and happy person. The person I wish that I could be still be. I just need some friends. Real friends. Not the friends who talk to me when it’s convenient. I need friends who will love me. Who will understand me. Who will support me in these times of dire need.

Do they still exist?