Yes, I'm tired. And you all are right, I need a break. But before everything else, I want to say something to eveyone who said/thought that I was being a drama queen and I should stop it. First of all, I have a reason why I said I was tired, just like everyone else who had the exact same feelings when they're undergoing stress or at the part of their life where they think stress is just engulfing them. I wasn't being a drama queen trying to seek attention from AFF users.

Let me tell you the reason why I'm undegoing this. When i first came to AFF on Spetember 2011, the only thought i had was to share my stories because there were a lot of great DG fics. I am not going to lie but I also wanted to be as famous as them, with a lot of readers, subbies, and comments. It's the truth. But, aside from that, I just really love writing. But let's go to that later on. So, that was my first thought. Second, I thought it would be great meeting fellow applers on this site. They seemed to be a lot. Isn't it amazing meeting people with the same interests as you? Yes.

During the years of me writing for this site, I have noticed one thing that had changed. that my passion for writing had decreased. That my motivation for writing had been driven without a hint of my passion for writing but merely for the readers. I have noticed that it seems that writing had become my job, my obligation to everyone. I felt that I had the obligation to update the stories as regularly as i can. I underwent a time when all I could think off was Asianfanfics, was my readers who were probably waiting for me to post anothe update. I felt that I was driven by these facts only.

I lost my passion for writing. probably not entirely lost but just shoved aside by this intense feeling of obligation. Like I said, before entering Asianfanfics, I really loved writing. i write for myself. I write fo my pasttime. I write when I like to. I write when I feel down. This had been what I had been doing two or three years before I entered Asianfanfics. Now, I want that passion to come back. But it couldn't because of this obligation i felt i need to do. I want to write like i usually do. i want to write only when i want to. i want to write when i feel i need to. i want to write for myself, not for anybody. it sounds selfish. But this had been what I feel even before i entered asianfanfics. i write for myself, not for anybody.

I write not to improve though, because I found out that i love what I am studyng (Accountancy and a little bit of Management) and that I want to pursue this career and not being an author (which by the way I had the ambition even when I became a univesity student). I always had a dream of pursuing writing while I am being an accountant too, in the future. But, i found out that I am not really a good author. I lack vocabulary. i lack creativity. i commit careless grammar and spelling mistakes. I found out that I only write because I want to. But really, wth the amount of subscribers I get on a story, I just can't not worry about my lack of vocabulary and creativity and my grammars and spellings. that was also the time I found out that I write for the readers. I write fo the subscribers. There was even a time when even though I still have an ongoing fanfic, I am aleady thinking of another stoy, a more creative one, one that ight attract readers, one that might satisfy the readers.

Writing lost its color for me. 

I just want to write without any worries of being criticized or if I will be complimented after I post an update or after i finish a story. Somehow, there was a satisfaction finishing a story but the satisfaction is really meaningless, so short-lived. I want to wite that after the end of witing, I'll be able to say, "WOW, that was fun!"

I thought Asianfanfics was a bad idea after undergoing through these issues. The abovementioned might be really shallow for all of you, but I was bothered. i shouldn't have entered Asianfanfics, shouldn't have let the amount of readers get to my head, pressure me, and in the end, just be stressed over it. I shouldn't have thought that Asianfanfics would be fun.

But, it was, really. Don't get me wrong. The best part is when I met lots of lovely friends. You guys are one of the reasons why I'm hesitating leaving this site.

Really, though. I am tired. And i wasn't kidding when I made that blog post that I will be quitting. I wanted to. I really do. I was about to that exact time. I was supposed to do it quietly but I thought it would be rude. That was why I did that post. I wanted to say goodbye properly. I at least thought it would be better to let you know. But, I wanted to know what you think that's why i added the 'Shall I?' part. Not because I want to be held back. I wanted to see your reactions. That's true. Although, I must say, I'm quite surprised at the overwhelming reactions of stopping me. I appreciate that. Thanks. And also, for those who told me to just follow my heart (there are a lot of them, i didn't expect it), Thank you so much T_T Just, really.... THANKS!

So, to end this freakishly long post, I want to tell you that I'm not quitting. Asianfanfics takes a lot of my time so I thought quitting would be the answer. Asianfanfics took a lot of my time that I should have used in focusing on my studies. Now, I'm stressed with my studies too. I have my lfe outside of this so i don't want to feel obligated to this site. Fotunately, I thought to myself that i might regret quitting later on. I am taking a break like what you tell me. I will ocassionally come here when I feel like to. I will write when I feel like to. But i won't be staying long. This means that I won't be able to talk to you, guys, like what I usually do before. I won't be posting blogs unless if needed. I won't be replying to comments or posting on walls of new subscribers. (I ealized it takes a lot of my time too) But, if you want to talk to me, you can always PM me in my inbox, not on wall posts. You can also tweet me @zeyniiDara. I thought this as a compromise so I hope it's fine with you.

Lastly, I want to reiterate that I am not being a drama queen. Call me defensive after saying this a lot of times, I don't care. I just don't like how you recklessly run your fingers along your keyboard typing that comment. I dare you say that again afte going through what I'm going through. If that ever happens, please do tell. Thank you.

i don't know if anyone read until this line, but Thank YOU! <3