I absolutely love your title! It's so elegant, beautiful, and very pleasing to read, perhaps because of the consonance. It also relates to your plot very well and it definitely isn't too long in structure. It also gives you a feeling of an entertaining summer. However, I feel as if serendipity is a word that seems a bit too positive for Aerin's tone in the story, and especially for what seems to be impending bad news relating to her past. Just be careful about how the tone and your title match up. 

 

Description & Foreword (7/10):

Grammatically, there were a few switches in your tenses, so I would go over and be careful about whether you're using past tense or switching it out for something else. It would be nice to keep your tenses consistent. You used quite a few fragment sentences, which may be of help when used minimally, but not when you used fragments so frequently. I would try to go in and turn some of them into complete sentences. There were a few spelling errors as well, but nothing a quick read over wouldn't fix, so just be sure to go over every word to see any errors. Aesthetically, your description and foreword were nice and definitely help set the mood for your piece because of the light touches of color. Though I normally hate when a story has Korean in it (not because I can't understand it, but because many other readers do not understand Korean), it was nice to see a glossary! It was a nice warning and a short lesson on basic Korean.

 

Plot Originality (10/15):

First off, I love how you didn't throw your story into the endless cliche pit of Seoul! Thank you for using Busan when basically nobody else does, and this definitely boosts you up a few points. I also liked how you included both sets of her parents (although having divorced parents is very common among fanfictions), and that her step-dad isn't awful, but Dahee holds a somewhat cliche role. I think you could've done without her character, but since you've already incorporated her into the story, I wouldn't go back to change it. Because your story isn't finished, I can't comment about the love story yet and how original it will be. 

I can see a love triangle possibly forming between the brothers and Aerin, which definitely takes from the originality, but if you manage to squeeze in a bit of a twist, then all the better!

 

Believability (8/10):

Everything is very realistic, with a hint of mystery that is also believable. Though the dialogue is a bit stiff and awkward at times, I could see this happening in reality, though of course, it does have a bit of the "romantic fantasy" feel. It leaves me feeling a bit wistful, knowing that these types of romances are very hard to find. If you add in a few twists, it'll add to the believability as well as the originality.

 

Characterization (12/15):

I love all of your characters' personalities because they all have quirks and are unique to themselves. None of them are quite cliche, and yet they do have relatively familiar traits. Though characters like Dahee are very cliche, the unique characteristics of the three main protagonists help balance it out. Because the story isn't finished, I can't completely say how well they are all portrayed. But I will continue to say: you even have the description of their appearance included every so often. Their flaws stand out, but in a very human way, which don't remind me of robotic Mary Sues running around the story. 

 

Spelling & Grammar (9/15):

Don't forget to indent whenever you start a new paragraph. Unfortunately, this is one of the many annoying, and seemingly unnecessary, but existing grammar rules out in this broad, English world. There were some parts where you capitalized some words without having to, and though it may be for emphasis, I would suggest not to because it really isn't necessary. Through repetition or the structure of the sentence, you should be able to portray what is more important for the reader to know. And not that this is completely wrong, but there were some word choices that seemed awkward to read, and even more so to say outloud. One example would be, "every people." Instead of the word "people", use "person." Also, when you use dialogue, end it with a comma before the quotations unless it is supposed to be an exclamation or question mark. And when someone is about to speak, use a comma before the quotations. An example would be: "Supposed to be," Aerin corrected. Or you could do the opposite by flipping it: Aerin corrected, "Supposed to be." If this doesn't make sense, feel free to ask me about it. 

When you're using the dates of days, never forget to use "th" or "nd" or "st" at the end. Even if it stands alone, you still have to use those endings when you refer to dates of days.

You also kept switching between tenses which threw me off a bit while I was reading. A beta-reader will be able to help with the tense and show you what the correct/consistent way of writing would be. And he/she will be able to catch the few spelling errors you have.

 

Writing Style (8/10):

I really loved how you had songs for your fic and links to them so your readers could easily just click away to it. Music helps set the mood of the story as well, but it's also important to make sure the songs don't distract from the actual story (just something to keep in mind as you continue). The footnotes also help when you're referring to a possibly unfamiliar item or place to your readers. You seem very attentative of how your readers may view things, which is a definite plus, but just make sure you don't add in unnecessary photos like some writers might, because that will distract from the actual story. 

Unfortunately, like I stated above, I don't particularly like seeing Korean in fanfics, particularly Hangul characters, mostly because many readers don't understand it, and (not that I'm accusing you of this) it seems like the author is bragging about language skills they may truly or falsely possess. It's definitely your call whether you remove the Korean or not, but this is my opinion of the use of Korean.

I also enjoy how everything seems so calm. Even as they are very excited, you managed to still give them that calm, lazy, playful summer tone. 

 

Flow (9/10):

I think this is one of those stories where the flow barely has any flaws. There are some parts where I wished there was a bit of explanation to slow down the  progress of the story, but other than that, it's going very well. Just don't race ahead later on in the story.

 

Enjoyment (3/5):

Although the grammar (tense changes, subject-verb disagreement) distracted me a bit, I was thoroughly engaged in your story. I love how it's going and I would definitely like to see how it ends. The characters are very charming without being too sickeningly perfect, which draws in readers well.

 

Total Score: 74/100

 

 

Note to the author: I believe this is the highest score I've given at this review shop :)! Good job on your story! I truly love it and really can't wait for it to continue. The latest chapter had me squealing with happiness that Sehun loves her :3!! I'm a fan of your fanfic now and hope you can update soon ^^! When you finish, I definitely encourage you to have it reviewed again to see how your score will change (mostly because reviewing when your story isn't finished isn't an accurate judgment of your writing). Good luck with your future writing~ Thank you for requesting!

~DespisedSecret