I really don't.

I mean I saw Infnite.

And this isn't like when I saw JYJ.

Oh I cried at JYJ.

But for Infinite......... I just felt like this empty shell the whole time. Everything was so loud, my ears were blocked, I couldn't even hear myself through the mix of every other screaming person beside me though I could feel my throat growing increasingly hoarse. Honestly, it feels more dreamlike than the JYJ concert. And if you know me, you know that DBSK was my first obsession and will seriously continue being important to me for a long long long time. 

It was like I wasn't even in my body.

Or like I was.

But in a small, hidden corner of it.

I couldn't believe they were right in front of me and not on a TV screen.

They were there. Right there. (Though I was in the stands a measurable distance away from them.)

It's like how I knew they were people. 

I know they are people.

But seeing them just confirmed it.

They aren't some godly beings 10 feet tall that I am forced to see zoom ins and outs of faces, torsos, and full bodies of. They were built like any other lean guy and they could dance and sing and talk and breathe and I could see them act it all out without twisted angles or photoshop.

The three hours was just me clinging to my friend, screaming, frantically deleting whatever hell was on my phone no matter what it was so that I could have more memory to record and remember and save.

The whole time I waited for my heart to swell and clutch and burst and break me down into tears, but it didn't. Instead I was left in a daze, speechless a lot of times just watching those seven people move in front of me. 

I don't know if I feel regretful I wasn't overcome with the emotions I had expected, but it was an experience that I will never forget. Even when the memory goes hazy and I question which song came first or what did they say when they talked or how did I react when they said goodbye, I'll remember the day and who I was with and the people that I came for and just the knowledge that I was very, very happy.

I'm just so glad I was given the opportunity to go. And I'm so glad that I got to know they're human, doing a job that they love, working hard for a dream. It's something I strive for, just being able to garner a job in which you are satisfied with is something amazing.

Though I just hope they rest well. Their voices seemed strained and they were tired though of course they gave it their 120% and it was incredible, I just wish for them to take their health into consideration too.

It was an amazing night.

I just don't really know what to do after this...