Title (8/10)

This is a hard call. I am one of those readers who is interested by short, strange titles, and The Dust is just that. However, a lot of readers want to know exactly what to expect of a story and want an exciting title to make their adrenaline rush. Like I said, I am one of the former; I love this title.

 

Description & Foreword (7/10)

The description is short and intriguing, exactly what a description should be. Your foreword, though is an author's note and not a true foreword, which takes points off. I do think that AFF should give author's a place on the front page to give an author's note, but they don't. A good compromise would be to put a short yet enticing excerpt from your story, and then below it add your author's note in.

 

Plot Originality (13/15)

This is very original plot, unique and interesting. Then again, I don't watch or read horror/zombie stories, so the originality is coming from my lack of experience with this genre.

 

Believability (4/10)

Well, the problem with zombie or horror fics is that they are not very believable... unless, of course, you believe in the zombie apocalypse. ;)  While it is an enjoyable read, it isn't very believable. 

 

Characterization (11/15)

It's a oneshot and I know that oneshots are incredibly hard to get a full characterization in, but it can be done, as you displayed in two of your three characters. Your way of writing Eli and Alice was great; the reader was introduced to more than just their fright due to the memories that you added in. However, Nicole is basically just an added name; you gave her next to no backstory. The other two seemed so much more real than she did.

 

Spelling & Grammar (12/15)

You misuse a few words, and it makes me wonder if English is your native language. Here are a few examples of these:

when talking about something, the correct term is its. It's is saying "it is", so if you are talking about the dust's color, you would say "its color".

"I wonder if we're that last ones alive." Just a small typo, but it is really distracting since your story is so short. Proof-read and fix any typos and your story will become so much better.

 

Writing Style (8/10)

While your style is a bit stilted and stiff, you caught me right away with the way that you described the arrival of the dust. I also loved the way that even though your story was so short, you added in snatches of conversation to give your characters more depth. it was brilliant, so well done!

 

Flow (7/10)

It flowed nicely, drawing the reader in and making them want more.

 

Enjoyment (5/5)

As I said before, I don't read horror/zombie things, and so I was pleasantly surprised at how intrigued I was. The end of your chapter made me simultaeneously want to stand up and applause (it was so cleverly done!!!) and want to read more. I very much enjoyed this fic.

 

Total Score: 75/100

 

Good work!!! Work on your grammar and you'll become a great writer; your style is already so engaging and a true pleasure to read.

-Annyong