Why am I a Christian?
I start to ponder-why am I a Christian? Why do I go to church, and sing songs of worship, when I do not want to 'surrender my life to Jesus' or 'give my heart and soul'? Why do I go to church, and hear sermons, participate in activities with church members, when I hate my time in there?
I hate the worshipping and the singing, they make me thristy, resulting in me having a migrane and feeling dizzy. Which affects my appetite, my movement and my dance lessons. Why do I go to church, why do I call myself a Christian, when I do not pray, when I do not read the bible. Just why?
I do not feel the joy when being with the Lord. Instead, I feel dread. Nor do I feel excited. All I think of when singing is about the dance moves and the dance lessons I will be attending later in the afternoon, or the time spent with my team mates and my dance instructors. I think of the people who have just started dancing, I think of the secular music.
Just why? They say that if I am not saved then I will go to Hell. But going to church does not make me a Christian, I don't think I'm a 'true Christian'. I know sI do not think of God. Why? Why do I call myself a Christian? They say God can give me joy, but I do feel really happy when I am with my team mates, not the people I meet in church.
I do not wish to spend my time in church, wasting my time singing songs I do not agree with. No, I know God loves me, but I also know I do not love God. I am just wasting my time singing songs, just wasting time listening to sermons. Oh, they say faith. But what should Christians be doing, what should I not do? Can a Christian dance to hip hop and jazz music? What are our roles as a Christian? I know there should be more meaning to religion than just sermons and singing stuff.
Why do I go to church? I am afraid to preach the gospel. I do not know what to say. I don't even know why I became a Christian in the first place. Because I saw a video on the crucifixion and saw a guy acting as Jesus who had fake blood and scars all over his body and people whipping that guy? Because I used to go to a Christian school who made us sing songs of praise?
It's time I should re-evaluate what I should be doing as a Christian, and whether I want to be a Christian. So I can stop going to church and stop lying to others, or I can continue to go to church and find the joy of being a Christian. If I stop going to church, I could spend the Sunday mornings practicing my dance so I could improve. Or prepare for the jazz test that will decide whether I would stay in the team or be removed. And do something that I am sure I will enjoy--dancing.
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