STARDUST (epic poem; review please?)

STARDUST

~TIFFANY VU

I was born coincidentally on the same day the first year starts,

My mom said I will become a star, which will shine brightly.

My powers can summon demons from the Underworld,

My weakness is nothing but hate and light.

It all began when I was asked a quest,

Then off I went to kill Deceit The Flamboyant Monster that had attacked my city,

I had to quickly find his weakness against him.

I defeated him, using sloppy

Deceit saying he worked with my father before I killed him,

Did my father really take part in destroying my hometown?

I headed off to my room, only to find my father and Deceit conversing

But that was impossible because I had killed Deceit.

This time, I had officially killed Deceit,

Monsters came at me, but I had dealt with them.

At last I had defeated the one who has caused an uproar to my city.

I finally found the source of all my enemies, the one whom created them,

It was someone I didn't want to expect,

My final enemy was my father.

I took a deep breath, taking away the guilt of thinking about killing my father,

Battling him with all my might, I laid victorious.

My battles meant nothing because it wasn't my father who has cause all of this,

The event that had happened in my room, was a mere mirage,

Thinking about his disappointed gaze he stared into my eyes while I stabbed him repeatedly,

My mournful orbs, watching him slowly disintegrate into stardust.

If I hadn't killed my father,

Then my mother wouldn't have resented me.

For all this I was eaten up by the guilt that had filled me,

I couldn't control it, the guilt that had consumed and killed me.

Some say I was a blessing while others say I was a curse,

My best friend said she was proud of me when I know absolutely despises me.

Despite what everyone says, no matter how righteous you are,

You will eventually reincarnate as stardust that will never shine like others.

I have met my father, once again, after so many years,

We've been happy together for the first time in so long.

With our sad and regretful past behind us,

We have found another life, as stardust, shining brighter than a diamond.

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whattodoaboutonew #1 Oct 31, 2013 02:34:17

Not too bad of an effort :) That's a quite a few stanzas but very complete poem - nice!

Three tips.
1. my experience is that poetry is something that is can be read out loud. Have you tried reading it out loud? Do some lines sound awkward to say?
2. Which leads onto my second: check grammar.
3. And something my teacher had said to me - simple is powerful. simple descriptions can be very, very powerful (and poetry is emotively powerful). the specific line that caught me off-guard is 'mournful orbs'

*pats your back.
it was still a good effort!