So yeah, I'm not really someone who writes a lot of blog posts, nor long ones. But this time around to do so. Let me first explain why.

When I write a blog post, I need inspiration or something in life that stirred me enough to be irked to write one. My life is fairly boring and my thoughts are sometimes too crazy to put on paper. They're uncontrollable and need something to lead them to be able to become a bit more organised. I found one of those leading inspirations, through a story by an awesome young and diligent writer, whose style and creativity I absolutely adore.

I've started reading this story since I think the 4th chapter was just published. I read up until there in one go and ... "Oh my god," was the only appropriate way to describe my thoughts when I finished reading the chapter.

The story I'm talking about is Flower of Despair by dreamyflower.

It is the story about a young artist, who loses the mobility in her dominant arm, taking away the thing that made her of worth in society, in the eyes of others. But to her, it was the most important part of herself. It was who she was and where she found her freedom and distraction from the barren, grey reality. After being admitted to the hospital, Hana becomes a complete mess. There she meets another patient, who suffers from leukemia. A boy who always smiles, despite being played with by fate in a cruel manner. Hana and this boy, Luhan, meet and from there their story together begins.

The OC in this story, Jung Hana, is someone who reminds me so much of myself that I've had some painful, but eye opening moments while reading this story. I often felt as if someone made me stare into the mirror and remember every experience in life I've been through. The choice of words in this story is so simple, yet they're so beautifully used that I often find my mind invaded by these words. They keep lingering, sometimes for days, leaving a bittersweet aftertaste of reading a newly published chapter. Sometimes I even find myself learning from this fiction.

You see, Hana is a character one can't possibly hate. I've seen so many stories with the perfect characters who are capable of so many things. It just keeps reminding you that it is all just fiction. But Hana is simply flawed and realistic. She's broken and even herself admits that she's not a perfect being, the perfect being her parents and others want her to be. An amazing artist who's useful, be it to provide their income or provide her artworks. No one is perfect. No one can be perfect. Because perfect requires you to be able to live up to everyone' s expectations and desires. To everyone's hopes.

We all know that everyone has a different opinion on what perfection actually is. Even for me it always changes. It changed through the years and I'm sure it will keep changing. I strive for perfection because I'm made to, mostly by my desire to please my parents. I've long ago realised that I can't be perfect. That I can't be the person my parents, family and peers want and expect me to be. But sadly, perfection is the only goal they set for me.

The goals I set for myself seemed not to matter, because I cherish my parents' opinion who've thrown away their lives for me and my siblings to be able to grow up safely. And although I know my parents love me, I find myself feeling disregarded even abandoned at times, when my opinion on perfection reaches them and threatens to overpower my desire of fulfilling their hopes. They close their eyes and ears to it, just like I've always done, telling me they only want the best for me. And I know that, hence I listen.

I often find myself feeling bitter towards the world, because I can't strive to do what I really want to, despite the fact that I myself am the most important factor to keep me back. I can't seem to fulfill my dreams.

Though I wouldn't want to be in Hana's shoes, feeling her misery and her pain, I am jealous of her. Hana is a character that stays true to herself. She's not afraid of showing her emotions and gives damn about what others think of her. Because she's able to be this honest with herself, I'm jealous of her. Her meeting with Luhan, made everything even more complete, because she finally found someone she could confide to as she had no one else in this world.

The ending of this story, was something I expected from the very beginning. I was reluctant to read the ending, because I had so many hopes of the ending being different. I even dreamt of this story, of Hana and Luhan's alternative ending. I might consider writing it out on paper, after getting permission from dreamyflower herself. Maybe as a thank you, for allowing me to dream and fantasize about her awesome work. Maybe not so important, but in my dream Hana and Luhan had a cute daughter, named Saehwan. I don't know why, but when I found out about the meaning of the name, I was pleasantly surprised. It represents the birth of new wings and the foundation of one's own freedom.

Maybe it is a sign?

I don't know. But I really like the name. I've even used it for a story of my own, which I will be posting after I've written some more chapters for Project Soul and my other two running fanfics.

I recommend everyone who reads this to read the fiction. It's a tragedy and I promise you will enjoy every bit of it. It is an EXO fanfic starring the awesome and adorable, Luhan, who in dreamyflower's fanfictions has such a deep character, especially in Flower of Despair, that I find myself totally taken in by his personality.

Thank you for reading. And thank you, dreamyflower, for writing this awesome fiction.

Lots of love,

Saenan.