I have recently read some of my friends' blogs and they talked about awesome or how painful their love life a.k.a relationship is/was

I dunno, I feel a little bit of jealous since I've never been through any of relationship.. I mean special relationship with guys before and it's kind of sad... Plus the fact that most of them are younger than me makes me even more sad... I mean, they have like more than 10 exes while me... I have none

Of course, most of my friends told me how lucky I am since I'm one of the most who haven't had been into any kind of relationship and I was like O.O Is that a thing to be proud of?

I want to experience that kind of happiness to be with the one that loves you, doing lots of  fun stuffs (except , lol of course) together and things that lovers usually do... You know, happy happy things ^^ Things that make our heart flutters, like in fictions?

So yeah, thinking about these make me totally sad, and sometimes, I think most of the girls that have been into relationships are not really pretty (sometimes even uglier than the ugly me, sorry to say >.<) but more than 20 guys are attracted to her and I was like O.o //Insecurity happens// Even nerds and geeks in my school can get a boyfriends but me... A big no to guys :(

Like other fangirls, of course I want to date my oppa (Zelo, Sungyeol, J-Hope,V,Onew, etc etc >.<) but I still have a normal feelings, I want to date a normal guy too... Because dating an oppa is just one of the things that will never happen to me (yeah must admit this).

The last time I got a crush on somebody was like... a year ago? And because I keep my feelings towards him, he is now in a relationship with my friend (which is a big regret though, but he's an anti kpop thingy and I'm totally not his type)

Sigh, because of this kind of depression I used to cry a lot thinking of how lucky some girls are and how unlucky I am.. Is this a curse?

Maybe because most of the guys know about my life as a fangirl? Or is it because I'm not pretty enough?

Ok should have stop whining >.<