Writing this I'm crying... I can't hold my tears back anymore but I can't show her how I feel... If I tell her that I don't want to be a part of it anymore I feel like I'm betraying her. She means everything but what she makes me do breaks my heart. I'm trying to be strong for her because she isn't. She said it will be over soon but I don't believe her anymore. I'm glad I'll be leaving for at least 3 weeks soon but I will worry about how she feels.

Still I want it to end! I don't want to cry anymore. I keep hiding my feelings to not hurt her but she can't see how she breaks me. I don't want to be sad and depressed. I hate life.. I didn't want this!

Make it stop!

Please......