Please God just take me away..I can't handle this anymore. My heart can't take this much pain!

Sometimes I really hate my life

I hate what I see in the mirror. I hate my past. I hate my present. I hate everything I am. I go to bed every night wishing I would wakeup with some disease and only have a few months to live. Or that I would die on the way to school in a car wreck or to get into coma. That would show them wouldn’t it. Would anyone really care if I was gone? I walk around feeling empty inside and nobody notices. Why can’t anyone see how sad I am? Can’t anyone see how much pain I am in? Can’t anyone see me struggling to stay alive? I hate myself even more for having these thoughts. How weak is that? Why can't I be a real man and get over it? I ask myself if this is a cruel joke God is playing on me? Is this payback for all the bad I had done in my life? Why am I here? I am so pathetic and such a loser.

And another stupid things is that I am not really lonely. I have friends in the real world and online but I can never seem to open up to them. I have a family who doesn't really listen...Cuz I am ashemed of what problems I'm having. It's not even my fault  that I can't open up. I am just not allowed to do it.... I feel somtimes selfish for wanting people to notice how I feel and forget about their problems but I always end up caring more about their problems and helping them than helping myself. And It is always gonna be like that cuz I can't get away from this problems. I just don't know what wrong things I did to deserve this punishment... So I wish God or anything above us could just effing kill me och take me to another place, away from all these people and all this problems.
 

You don't even know what I am talking about but I feel like I have to express myself here at Asian fanfics because here I am not watched or gudged.

 

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HanKeLaMaHan #1
i understand what u feel.
i'm still experiencing this so i might not be able to help u but trust me it's better to tell someone your problems.
i learnt it the hard way and now i'm suffering from depression.
my friends left me when they knew and they never did care about me.

if u want to talk to someone or just want someone to be your listening ear,you can come to me.i wiil be glad to be able to help u because i don't want u to become like me
watermelon #2
I know how you feel because I've been through it before and I am probably still going through it from time to time. Standing in the crowd and watching people go by, feeling lonely and thinking about my life... I am always in doubt, thinking about what I've done to my life, what I'm doing to my life, what I could have been more, how I wish I can be someone else- better, prettier, smarter, and everything else I could have been.
But frankly speaking, the saying about if we don't love ourselves, no one would is true. Maybe the bad things we see about ourselves ain't as bad as it is. There are always people who live harder, braver than us when they have gone through so much more (and only then, I realize), maybe we can work harder than what we are giving our lives.
There's nothing a dead man can do and it big time to realize you want to live only when you're already dead.
Don't be afraid of being judged by sharing with us, because I know I wouldn't for sure.
Because I want to know and help a friend (if you trust me).
Maybe, just maybe, we should stop judging ourselves.
It's hard but worth the try, I believe.
In-completion #3
It is true that I have been thinking about the same thing as you regarding about leaving the earth. I want to leave so much. I hate everything around me. I am serious. Living is not easy. I know and I can understand. Talk to me if you want. I may not help but isn't it better to let everything out? I promise I wouldn't judge because I myself afraid being judge.
Haneen #4
You're just discribing my life right now and believe me when i say i understand the feelings of wanting to disappear immediatly and vanish.. You can always ralk to me if u want i might not be able to help but i will definitely care and listen. And who knows u might help me as well. Here's my kkt id: i7neen .. Fee free to talk pls
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