**WARNING: This is another senpai post (orz) and this has a bit religious talk (not bashing) in it**

Idek, like this is more than senpai post, and I just talk about church and stuff, but I warned y'all because some people can get sensitive. 

Okay, so first of all, is it okay if I shorten all the people's names I've talked about. Like I'll just use their inititals.

Betareader: E

IU lover: A

Friend who got me ((back)) into KPOP: C

I think that's the ones who I talk about the most other than senpai. The list will get longer as the story continues.

So, remember how I said my friend(K)'s boyfriend(AN) found out senpai's identity?

BTW AN goes to me and shouts OTP and I just crey. ;__;

Well, K found out. And They both guessed it on the first try, which was crazy.

Okay, so K is in the lunch crew right? So this other guy in the lunch crew (AJ) is one of my closest friends, and is actually really cool. And I used to have a crush on him, and we were in the talking stage, but we started to drift when I started to get back into KPOP, omfg that is a long story that I will talk about another day btw.

So, AJ heard AN and K starting to talk about it, so AJ started to guess and it was really funny because he couldn't guess it and still hasn't. LOL. and lately C, another friend and I have been like, er, messing with him lately. For example, we have a Korean Club at school, and we've been having practices afterschool to learn dances to perform at homecoming rally. And C and I's last class is with AJ too, so we have him walk us to practice. And we always mess with him there too LOL.

And I recently had a WHAP presentation, and basically we had two parts. A presentation and a challenge question section. So the presentation my group did well. BUT THE CHALLENGE QUESTIONS. LIKE. OMG. NONE OF THEM STUDIED ((i asked them later if they did and they said they did bUT I KNOW THEY LIE)) and they were looking to me for answers but I CANT HANDLE THAT STRESS AND THEY SHOULD KNOW THEIR STUFF TOO AND I DONT KNOW EVERYTHING. so we ended up really and I hated it. 

Okay, so I have WHAP with AJ and K and they both saw how stressed I was during the challenge questions section and they gave me hugs as soon as class ended and I just wanted to cry and I still do because my grade is literally and I just ugh. ANYWAYS ill rant about that later heuehuehe. Okay, so AJ's next class is sorta near mine. And he was like "Come, I'll walk you to class and you rant to me all you want about your group and your stress." 

And basically, that's what I did. I ranted about everything. And he understands because he has 2 AP classes omfg. AP Bio and WHAP and I feel bad for him too because he's just as stressed as I am and now that I'm typing this I realize I should listen to his problems, okay tomorrow I'll do it. LOL. orz. 

And basically C and a lot of my other friends are shipping us ((again)) and Idek im confused about that. because i don't know who I have feelings for anymore because senpai's great but I've known AJ longer and I'm closer to AJ, but he already likes this other girl and she's THE SWEETEST THING EVER. and theyve been in the talking stage for months and I honestly don't know why he hasn't made a move. 

But, thats not the only reason why I'm confused.

Okay, here's the more religious part, I guess????

So, lately I've not liked my youth group bc they're really cliquey since they've all known each other since they were little and I've been there for 3 years and I still don't feel like I belong and I really hate it because its supposed to be church where its an accepting place and you feel like you can let yourself go, but its nothing like that.

So I told my mom and she said we could switch churches which terrified me because I was thinking (and still am) "What if they don't accept me?" 

So for two weeks we went to this new church that's closer to our house and this Tuesday I went to their youth group. I walk in and it seems better already, like the atmosphere is really free (?) I guess. And one of the leaders looks at me and asks if I'm new. And ofc I say yes and he gives me a card to write my name and info and all that, but while I'm writing that. I hear someone call my name. And it sounds SO FAMILIAR. I look up and I see this guy that I know from school, er, lets call him, S.

I SCREAM HIS NAME LIKE OMFG.

and then the people around us look at us weirdly and are like "you two know each other?" 

And we nodd and I finish filling out my card and hand it to one of the leaders. Then, they call us together to eat and we pray ((WHICH FELT RLY AWK BC I WAS STANDING NEXT TO S)) and we get pizza and S tells me to sit with him. 

Ofc I accept and we sit JUST THE TWO OF US. Okay, I have to be honest, this was one of the first FULL conversations I had with him. Usually it was just hi and bye, or a simple how are you and stuff like that. One time we talked when we were waiting for our rides last year and yeah.

Oh, and did I mention?

I used to have a crush on him too. Like I met him through one of the clubs at school and also because he had my 7th period, 6th period. And usually I'd get there early so I'd get a small chance to talk to him. But I lose feelings because I didn't know him that well and the weird thing is I don't even remember when I liked him last year. Like, for AJ I liked him from October/November - Late December/early January. 

So, we're talking and then later we sit next to each other for the preaching. AND ISTG THERE WERE MOMENTS WHERE I FELT HIM LOOKING AT ME. AND WE WERE SO CLOSE AND THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE IN OUR ROW AND I FELT SO AWKWARD. 

okay, so that story doesn't get any more interesting just that it was awkward.

But, I have a soft spot for Christians in my heart. LIKE ITS PART OF MY RELIGION EVEN THO I HARDLY SHOW IT THAT MAKES ME LIKE THEM. and HES REALLY CUTE TOO AND HES SO SWEET AND HUMBLE I DONT KNOW ANYMORE. 

LIKE I CANT HELP BUT FIND MYSELF TO ANTICIPATE TUESDAY BC ILL SEE HIM

AND I DONT KNOW IM SO CONFUSED

ITS LIKE, DO I LIKE S, AJ, OR SENPAI??????????

ITS SO TOUGH.

SORTA ON TOPIC BUT HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD A CHRISTIAN LOVE STORY. bc they are the cutest things ever because they feel like God sent them to each other and God was the one who gave them feelings for each other AND CUTE STUFF LIKE THAT LIKE I SQUEAL LISTENING TO THEM. 

Oh, and I know how I said I hated the lunch crew, BUT AS YOU CAN SEE, INDIVIDUALLY THEY ARE SO SWEET AND NICE, ITS JUST THEM TOGETHER THAT I HATE.

okay, i bet you guys are gonna laugh at me again LOL.

orz. I hope this interests you like my other senpai posts.

bye bye ~ 

-Kea