Why Kim Heechul and Super Junior is so important to me?

   I’ve always been easily swayed towards being sad and down on myself. I was depressed a lot in high school, but it never lasted very long because I had my friends to pull me out of it and make me smile. College was a confusing time for me. I didn’t know what I wanted to do and ended up picking a career a bit blindly. My friends and I met less and less and it seemed they moved on with their lives and I was stuck in the same place.

   I graduated from college a little over three years ago. It was around that time that I got really depressed. I wasn’t happy with the career I was stuck with and I wasn’t finding getting a job easy. All the rejection from potential employers and all the misery I was feeling from seeing a hopeless future really got to me. I was in a very dark place back then. I cried almost every day. I didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. No one understood how I felt. They thought I was lazy and trying to avoid getting a job. When in actuality, I was depressed and verging on suicidal at times. I was truly afraid that I was going to hurt myself one day.

   During this dark period in my life, I discovered Kpop. I’ve always liked music and I started listening to SHINee and SUJU because it was different and I needed a distraction. Then, I saw Kim Heechul. He was alluring and smiling and I was instantly drawn to him. The more I learned about him, the more I liked him. He was confident and not afraid to stand up for himself. He went through hardships and lost friends, but stayed strong. When HanGeng left, he was depressed, locked himself away, cried it out, and came back. He didn’t give up and it made me realize that I shouldn’t either.

   The small moments I spent online watching him on old variety shows and seeing him smile, made me happy, even just for a short period of time. When I was in a depressed mood and so close to giving up, I’d open up my computer and watch SuJu and I’d forget about the darkness for a moment. Kim Heechul and Super Junior literally kept me alive. When I started making some money sewing dolls for people, I’d buy kpop items. Knowing there was some Suju item coming in the mail for me kept me going. When I was sad, I’d buy a new CD and try to smile.

    I finally got the courage to tell my family that I was depressed and afraid I was going to hurt myself. I got the courage to tell them that I needed help. I needed to find a path that made me happy. I found this courage from Heechul. I know that sounds strange. But, his confidence made me feel like I could do that too. I could be happy if I believed in myself like he did. Heechul is the reason I’m happier now. He’s the reason I’m working on my 2^nd degree and trying hard each day to find myself and believe in myself. That’s why he’s so important to me and that’s why I will always support him and Suju.

I just wanted to share that with someone. I just wanted someone to understand why Super Junior is so dear to me and why I’m so proud to be a petal.