https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxYwTxJwVyk

please read it while hear this song or no if you don't want to...
but just please read this....
 

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Hye to all my friends and readers who read my blog.

here i want to share with you guys about something...

it's about a boy in my class....
few weeks ago, my class and my lecturer have a trip to some place...
who is Malaysian maybe know Cameron Highlands right?
So the story began like this...
the whole time in Cameron HIghlands, I spend time with my bestie from the beginning until the end.
We took pictures together and ate together..but of course with our others classmate, which is girl also.
the trip was only for one day...
when we got back, after our class is done, my bestie kept asking herself
"Am I dreaming or I did saw it?" 
So asked her whats up and she told me everything that she saw.
She saw there is a boy who kept looking at us since we're in Cameron Highlands. And the problem is,
she not sure the boy was looking at her or me, but she said she was positive it was me.
But I also felt the same things about this one boy so I asked her,
about the boy looks like and she said yes. It's that one.
So I told her I did noticed that boy did looking at me before.
When we'rre In class, when the class is over and when he entered the class, all the time...
his eyes will automatically land on me...
but there is one problem about him,
when he looked at me, there is no smile. It's like there is something bugging his mind.
I did try to look at him when he was looking at me, and we did staring at each other few times before...
but just like I said, there is no smile and I don't know why...
And this is the part where I dislike....
It's become my habit for my eyes to search for him when the class began and when he late, he always stared at me while walked in.
It's like his eyes automatically land on me without searching....
When I can't handle it, i will look away and I swear my heart did feel weird when he staring at me.
and I admit that I like to look at him because he did look cute and different from other boys who always beig noisy and loud.
He's the type to be quite and do his own things. 
Few times I did noticed even though we never talked with each other, we always wear the same colour outfits and it did make me smile silently....
Who is muslim that read this blog, you guys must be understand right, when on friday, boys will have their pray (sembahyang jumaat) and they will wear baju melayu....
last few weeks, I wear orange outfits (baju kurung) and he wore orange as well (baju melayu) and it make me felt something inside of me....the colour was indentical. 
But I don't even know his name, I don't know how old is he but I did know he live at the same place as me in our apartment building.
So last friday, I did noticed him looked at me again inside the class.
Since he sat behind the class, i always noticed it when I talked to my friends who like to sat behind my chair.
But at that moment, he was sitting with a girl who always like to show off in class so I thought they're couple...
Since I can't take it any longer, I asked my friend who sat next to me about him.
And I found out, he already have a girlfriend from another college or courses, I don't remember and the girl who sat next to him 
is definitely not his girlfriend....
My friend asked me if I like him and it did make me startled a bit but I make it to answer 'no' at him.
It will be a lie if I said it didn't affect me inside when I heard he already belongs to someone else....
and that friday is a bad day for me...many bad things happen to me including a news about him...
once I got back after class, I cry in my room without my roomate know about it...
I told my mom about it since I shared about it with her...
she pity for me and she asked why did he looked at me if he already belongs to someone else...
I don't know what to say so i just remain quite...
My mother even post a status on her facebook about me to give me courage, but when I read it, there is nothing I can do than cry silently....
So I make decision to not look at him anymore....It's hurting me even though I'm not sure If the feelings I had for him is only a crush or love!!!! I need to stop myself from searching for him and I think I should make him invisible when we're on class...

It's hurting me enough when he in the same class as me even though not all class, but start next semester, all class I will see his face...
What can I do about it??? 
I'm already crying right now while writing this blog....
Because I have feelings...
And because I have a woman heart that so fragile and easily getting hurt....