Title- 3/5 -

The title is really rare to be found but I don't think people will click on it because it's not that interesting.

Description & Foreword- 13/20-

The description of the story is great and it's really makes the reader want to click on the suscribe button just to read the story.

Yes, the story is really interesting and eye-catching but the font you used is really doesn't suit the story. Your story genre is angst, the font that suit the story is Times New Roman or Georgia. Trebuchet MS or Verdana is okay too but Times New Roman and Georgia is the best one. It's totally spoiled the mood. I think that you don't need to use Italic for your description and foreword. Size of your font is also one main thing you need to watch out. 12 or 14 is okay. Don't make it too small or too big for readers.

The characters' description. Maybe if you resize the picture and don't reveal about the characters too much.

Appearance 10/10-

Can't deny that the poster is great and beautiful. But I don't think so the poster describe the feels of your story. I don't know if  the designer already know about the storyline, but I think if you tell the designer about how your story is, a short summary to him/her, it will turn out more meaningful and understandable. 

Plot-19/20-

The plot is really different from majority stories in AFF. Good job :D

Flow- 5/10-

The story flow is great, but sometimes it would be so boring because how you describe the story is too slow until I must skip some part to read the main part. Balance it, between too fast and too slow.

Writing Style-15/15 –

Your writing style and skills is really great. I love how you described their positions, their situations, what they wear, how you describe a character is great. And again, the font and size, repair it :)

Spelling,grammar & punctuation – 18/20-

I've never seen any mistakes while reading the story. There's a few maybe, but it's acceptable.

Overall-83 /100-

Don't be sad or mad about the marks. Your story is great. Do follow my advice, it's okay if you don't want.