I haven’t been there from the start. The others have waited for two painstaking years. I only had to endure four months. That’s not really enough compared to them.
 

I don’t have a vast collection yet. I just bought your cover of Mr. Simple during your birthday. A few unofficial posters and fan-merch covered my room. And a VIP ticket to SS5 Manila. That’s a petty collection compared to those who’ve been spending a lot of money for years.
 

I was a hater back then. I was an extreme hater. I kept on saying “If I don’t understand, I won’t listen.” And I meant it. I heard a few songs at first, but my motto changed when I heard “No Other” But that time, I wasn’t aware that there’s more to that song than the catchy beat and the meaningful lyrics.


 

I saw your face one day and I had this weird feeling inside. It was your eyes and your dimple in particular. I had this awkward confusion within me. I didn’t want to admit it at first but I couldn’t keep it anymore. I still didn’t like KPop, but I had a bias in Super Junior. It was quite bothersome.
 

I wanted to know more about you. I was curious. After hours of searching, my curiosity was replaced with sheer confusion. Everyone might think this is too assuming, but I don’t blame them because I couldn’t even believe it myself. While I was reading, it felt like I was reading my own facts list… not yours. The people who personally know me could agree more.
 

I had this strong push afterwards. I’m a lazy person. My original plan was that after college graduation, I would spend the next two months at home, sleeping, eating, writing and just being all plain lazy. That wasn’t the case when I found out about a possible concert here.
 

I found myself waking up early every day in search for a job. I knew I couldn’t just go to my parents and ask for money to buy concert tickets. I had to work hard for it. I found it difficult because I no longer received monthly allowance from my scholarship after graduation. I had to budget my money. I bought a piggy bank for the first time and I had this crazy optimistic hope that I could fill it up with Php10,000 for a VIP ticket.
 

I searched for job openings over the internet. I had newspaper cut-outs of the classified ads. I attended countless job fairs. At first I was a bit choosy when it comes to the job description. But after so many failed applications, I only cared about the salary. I have a Bachelor’s degree in Information Technology… but I was willing to work at a fast food chain just to save enough money.
 

I felt hopeless when a month passed and I was still unemployed. I kept on praying for help but I was still rejected at job interviews… I was starting to think that maybe it was all just not meant to be. I didn’t lose hope or faith… but I was starting to doubt my actions. I was close to believing that I was just wasting efforts for something that’s never going to happen.
 

I had that push again when I read something you said. It was something about your appreciation about what the fans are doing in their lives. I couldn’t remember every word, but the message got into me. You said you appreciate it when fans tell you they achieved something good. So I had that push again… that push to get a job to save money for the concert and help my family at the same time. I wanted to achieve that and be able to tell you one day that I was inspired by your statement.
 

I had this crazy goal because I wrote a fanfic. That was all just a product of my imagination, but it helped too because I treated it as a goal. I had this thinking that there’s a possibility it would happen for real… but life’s not that magical. I had to do my parts to make the story come true. To meet my Prince Charming, I mean, my Cinderella.
 

I felt so blessed when I finally got employed, a month before your birthday. I found a perfect position in a very uncommon working place. The Philippine Navy. I considered the job description to be perfect because it suited my needs. They were considerate when it comes to absences which will be very handy when it’s concert time. I’m a researcher now, working as a civilian employee in a military place. I couldn’t help but to smile and imagine what you’re doing there while you’re enlisted.


 

I had struggles with my parents when they found out that I was saving money for the concert. They were okay with it but they were troubled because I was targeting a VIP. They said the price was too costly. They said I could enjoy the concert too even if I just buy the cheapest one. But I didn’t want that. I wanted to be near. I wanted to see you there right in front of me. I didn’t want to continuously cause them heartaches… so after having serious considerations, I decided to just settle with a LowerBox ticket.
 

I was proud and thankful when I broke my coinbank. My savings there, with the help of my sister, plus my salary, was enough to buy the VIP ticket that I craved for. But because it would cause pain to my parents, I was set to buy a cheaper seat. There was an upcoming Super Junior Convention where they would give us details regarding the concert. I looked forward to it with both nervousness and thrill because it would be the first SJ event I attend to.
 

I NEARLY PASSED OUT AND LOST MY SANITY before the convention ended. There was a major raffle there. Prizes: VIP Tickets. Because of experience, I knew I would have no chance. I was always unlucky when it came to raffles. But of course, I didn’t block out that small hope of winning. Before the raffle started, I even had that stupid thought in my mind like “When I get called, I’d just walk here at the front and be all crazy.” I didn’t realize that just after a few minutes… that stupid thought would come true.
 

I DID EMBARASSING THINGS ON STAGE when I was called up to claim the prize. I asked all the hosts there “IS THIS SERIOUS?” and “IS THIS FOR REAL!?” because I was just daydreaming about it a few minutes before. Right now as I type this, I still couldn’t believe it. It’s been almost a week already and I still ask myself if it really happened. I had no pictures as proof. All I have is the mock-up card they gave me. At that time, the host asked me who my bias was. It took me a few seconds before I could answer properly. But of course, I shouted your name. “HEECHUL!”


 

I am now here at the office. Looking at your pictures as you’re being discharged.

I didn’t wait so long but I know I waited too.

I don’t know what to do or what to buy in order to celebrate this day.

I guess all I can do now is tell you this story. I know you won’t be able to see this but I wrote it anyway.

I was worried last night because I couldn’t think of anything special to do today. But now I know this is the best I can do. Yeah it compared to others but this is the truest and most sincere thing I can really do right now.


I achieved so many things already… so now, I’m going to just continue to hope and pray that you’ll stay safe and healthy. And that you can be here for Super Show 5. I hope I could see your eyes and your dimple that started this all


- JOELLE -