Story: Let Me Cry

 

Story Title: 8/10

Comment:

The title is simple. Good.

At first glance without looking at the fic, I wonder about what the story will bring. I was thinking probably it will be sad story or something like that since the author put the word ‘cry’. Personally for me, the title is indeed catchy because it will make people wondering about the fic itself. But for me who not favor the sad story, I think I’ll pass the title. For the originality, surely you use common words for your title. But then, title can reflect everything about the fic. So, for me, you have a good selection of the title, even though it makes me wondering a little.

 

Storyline: 23/30

Comment:

A guy with mysterious past with a girl that came back to his life. It’s fine for me.

On early reading, I felt that I can predict that the guy and the girl would live together, then eventually the guy will open his heart to the girl, plus they were friends when they were childhood. And probably the guy would fall to the girl. Then, I don’t know since I’m still on early reading of this story, the girl will leave the guy, probably in this term is by death. If you’re making the story like that, the story will be very cliché and predictable. But then, after further reading till the latest, you really put elements of surprise there.  You must becareful with it or else you will mess everything up.

 

Grammar/Spelling: 9/10

Comment:

I saw just few wrong spellings of words. On the chapter 3, you wrote ‘bed’ as ‘bad’. And my suggestion, I think you better change the words ‘rituals’ on ‘my daily morning rituals’ to ‘routine’ or add ‘the’ on flipping omelets. But overall, I think because I’m not really a native speaker of English, I don’t have any other comments of this, unless if you’re using really bad English.

 

Originality: 7/10

Comment:

I thought the story is kinda common for drama story at the beginning. Story about a guy with cold heart who pushed everyone away from her and a girl with warm and cheerful attitude that will melt his heart. But then, on the further chapters, you put the element of surprise that I didn’t expect. So, yeah, I can’t say that your fic is not original either. But so far, I haven’t met the similar fic as yours. And, yeah, you’ve made me say, ‘Oh well, that’s new for me’ on some parts.

 

Flow: 5/10

Comment:

I like the flow of the story. You make the readers wondering about the what happened and why he built up his own world on the story. I mean, you reveal everything one by one. That’s good from my point of view. Plus the surprise that you put after chapter 4, I guess that what make the story interesting. But then, because you put the flash back and other events that you wrote on italics and I’m kinda lost track on it, honestly it’s kinda confusing for me. And if you want to reveal something on the later of the flow, please put some ‘unclear’ hints.

 

Characters: 13/20

Comment:

Hum… since it’s a fanfic, I took special notice toward the original characters because they could show me on how well the author describes the character. But then, since I’m also a commoner reader, probably I will say to you, “Excuse me, but who is Lee Ji Nam?” I don’t have any ideas about how he looks like or how his characters are. So can you please at least tell from which group he’s belonged? I guess it’ll better for commoners like me.

But overall, I like on how you described the world on your fic, like on how you describe the appearance of the girl, the room of Ji Nam. I guess not all fanfic’s author did that.  

 

Want for updates: 7/10

Comment:

Has the fic ended already?

 

Criticism:

Okay, other than wanting to know about Ji Nam’s past, I’m kinda lost interest of reading the story after chapter 4. Honestly, this fic can be delivered better than this. I won’t make it harsh for you. This fic is worth of waiting, but somehow on some way I lost interest of the story.

And somehow, on some parts, I didn’t feel any emotion at all. Probably you can make it to be more emotional. Please remember that the readers really want to have connection with your characters.

And, on the top of all, I’m not quietly like reading fics on forums, since I have to scroll down over many many comments before I can find your next chapter.. So please give the links to the next chapters next time. It’ll help for anyone who wants to read the fic without seeing all those comments that had been left by your readers.

 

Suggestions:

Please put more emotion to your characters. You started good enough for me. But then you put more questions to the readers mind so suddenly that might make others confused, at least for me. And I suggest you to put more description for the words on italics either if it’s for the past of Ji Nam or others.

 

Total Score : 72/100

 

Message to author: Over all, I hope I'm not too hard on reviewing this fic. And I hope you can do better for your other fics. Honestly, I'm enjoying reading your fic, but then somehow I lost interest on the fic after the 4th chapter.