Banana_Dreams

”Angel From The Past” Reviewed by Jinnett

Title: [2/5]

You should capitalize "Past" in the title. This is not a very original title, it's rather well-worn, but it does speak of the plot.

 

Story Poster/Background: [8/10]

The poster is pretty with good lighting, but I'd like Chansung's picture to be a little more clear. His body is almost wiped out, and it doesn't seem necessary. The background is simple and matches the title.

 

Foreword & Description: [7/10]

You used the foreword and description as they should, so I give you points for that. I don't see the point of using two different fonts when writing them, and they also of different sizes and all over the place. The color is fine, but you have this huge space in the foreword that serves no purpose. It makes the whole look out of control and just messy.

 

Plot: [12/20]

I have seen it before and I'll see it again. Boy meets girl as child, girl moves away, girl comes back and they fall in love. That's practically it. It's boring and you didn't add much twist to it.

 

Characterization: [6/10]

What can I say? Reading this, I felt no connection to the characters at all. The only one I felt anything close to, was Juhno and a single comment of his. Your characters are bland, used and I didn't feel like cheering on them.

 

Originality: [2/5]

Your story involves the classic "childhood friends who are separated, meets again and fall in love." I like this kind of plot if it's done right with its own twists and turns, but I could practically predict the entire outcome within the third chapter. Nothing more to say.

 

Flow: [3/10]

Way, way too fast, that's all I have to say. They met on Tuesday after many years of separation, and they acknowledged each other as boyfriend and girlfriend within Friday. We're talking about three-four days in total. Some people might find this natural, but I am the kind who likes relationships that develop over time and give signs of mutual attraction.

 

Grammar & Spelling: [13/20]

Where do I begin? Please, do not bold your letters only when people are speaking. I see no reason why that is necessary, the quotation marks ("...") are more than enough to mark when someone's talking or not. Also, when someone is talking and there are no question marks or exclamation marks at the end, use comma, and no matter what, do not capitalize the first letter after that.

 

Example: "I have no idea." He said. It should be: "I have no idea," he said.

"You have no right!" She cried. Should be: "You have no right!" she cried.

 

You can capitalize the letter if it's something like: "I don't know." He nodded and turned to... (See?)

There were some places where you suddenly switched POVs with no warning. The constant switch between author's, Chansung's and Minjee's point of view is just confusing and it looks weird. I understand that you want to place forward what they are thinking, but you can do that without having it come from them. Third person is great with that and is there for a reason. Please, abuse it!

One other thing I noticed was your use of Korean words and tilde (~). If you absolutely must use Korean, please give some info at the bottom to inform those who don't know what they mean. And the tilde has to go, it looks unprofessional and childish and as no place in a text, unless you're writing in text message/email format.

You also capitalize some words that aren't necessary, such as "Parents", "Elementary School", "Coffee shop", etc. When it comes to Elementary School, use it only if you're referring to the name. If not, it stays as un-capitalized. (ex. "Seoul Elementary School" vs. "my old elementary school")

 

Overall Enjoyment: [2/5]

It was too quick for me, and the characters weren't that interesting. I saw the potential of the story, but it was just too boring for me.

Score: [55/100]