Okay, so because I don't have a tumblr or any of those personal randing - venting places, this is the closest I can do. This may be personal & all, but I just wanted to write what I'm thinking right now. So, here goes nothing. We're good friends. We know eachother well & just looking at eachother from across the room makes us smile. That was just a friendly gesture. I like you, you like me. We're friends, older brother-younger sister relationship, classmates, & maybe a close family kind of person, but nothing more. In ninth grade, we got to know eachother (even though we went to the same middle school), & we became close. Not like those bff - but close enough. That's when all these girls (my friends too) all hung over you. I mean, who can blame you? You're tall, big - round eyed, cute, good personality, smart (sometimes), nice, & white flawless skin (for an asian). But when you moved last year (in my tenth grade), we slowly got distant. Yeah, we talk - but not like last year. Now, I'm in eleventh grade & you came back. Instant close. We would talk, you would hold my books, walk me to my locker, share my food (even though you on my juice box & steal my food sometime), but it was just a friendly gesture until it hit me. Why am I talking about you 24/7 with my friends & mom + sister? Why am I trying to find a way to text you & talk to you? Why did I get jealous when you talked with that sophomore girl in our class & drove her to our destination? Why am I so hurt? Why am I still wondering if you like her? Because those are the same gestures you did to me to her. I thought we were - something. I'm also scared to like you, because what if all those girls decided to hate me? I will be betraying them. I don't want that. Tell me, what's wrong with me? Is it just a crush? Or more? Do you feel the same or am I just overreacting? I'm just confused & I don't know what to do. I'm just scared I might fall for you. So, even though we joke around saying you're my husband or boyfriend, it makes me happy. So there - you can say I kind of like you. Well, for now. I guess I just have to wait & see if we are actually meant to be or just a one-sided fling.