Today I'm here to blog about somethings which really made me feel like crying so badly. Good or bad? Both I suppose. And I'm blogging here instead of over there because my friends actually read that blog. Scary. Read it or not, up to you. It's more of like a personal rant actually.

1. 10 June/11 June 2013 Monday/Tuesday

The fan base I bought my xoxo album from sent out an email saying that they've received the albums! I was so happy. Then I went to check the meet up dates available. The earliest meet up was 15 June, making me really teary, I've wished and prayed hard that my album would reach me before my birthday, but the admins could only hold the meet ups on Saturdays. I just chose 15 June in the end.

2. 14 June 2013 Friday

That day was my birthday, and my secondary school friends came to my house to deliver a huge bag of snacks for me. They even designed the bag, making me so touched. I really wanted to cry, cause I told them to not do anything for me. But I didn't because they left and didn't tell me it was them all the way till midnight. I love them so much. 

It was really unexpected since we fought last year, and only got closer again at the end of the year. I graduated from my previous school feeling all alone. The only people that accompanied me were my sister, my cousin, Taemin and maybe Sehun and Kris. Sehun and Kris actually came later when I was already starting to adapt to being alone, so I don't know if I should count them. 

One reason why I felt like crying that day, was also because it was exo's first win. I saw Suho cried and I laughed, then after that I cried.

3. 15 June 2013 Saturday

I was already very upset about not getting my album on time, then I was bombed with bad news that I cannot get my poster that day, because the admin packed it wrongly. I dealt with fate and just took my albums. 

I helped my cousin buy her albums, so after collecting it, I get to choose the album. I took the Wolf (for kiss ver.) and Blue xoxo (for hug ver.). I opened my Kiss ver and I got Xiumin's photo card. I mean, I'm alright with it since he's my second bias in M. Then my cousin opened one of hers, and she got Xiumin too. Then my sister opened my Hug ver, and we got Luhan for that. He's her bias, so it's alright. Then my cousin opened her other album, and she got Kris' photo card.

At that moment I felt like slapping myself so badly. I was alright, until my cousin got my bias. I was going all fine, until I thought of the fact that I chose my album. I hate myself so much. 

The thing that made me feel much muc much worse was, I could never bear to take her Kris and leave my cousin with two Xiumin.

4. 16 June 2013 Sunday

The admin mass texted everyone about the meet up for the posters. It was on the next Saturday, 22 June. I really couldn't wait for so long, after all the incidents. I really needed a reason to feel happy about exo again.

I tried to get the admin to arrange a seperate meet up for me. She agreed, and I was really happy. But another admin texted me about the attendace of the mass meet up. Then I realised how selfish I was being. I cancelled the private meet up and just went along with the crowd. 

Then we went out for a Fathers' Day celebration, a whole family. Sometimes, I'm really dying on the inside, yet I don't tell my parents about it. Mainly is because I don't need their worry, another reason is because I don't know how they'll react. We all see a situation differently. I might be fine with getting pushed around, but my dad certainly wouldn't allow anyone to bully his daughter.

5. 17 June 2013 Monday

Today I found someone who has extra sehun to go about and is looking for xiumin! I was so freaking happy. I was feeling down until my cousin told me about her. I immediately added her on aff and spoke to her. (I think she has many friends and prolly won't see this. Well, I'm fne with getting spotted by her anyway, since I'm not bashing her or anything.)

Well, in the end we wouldn't be trading. Because she wouldn't give Sehun up, even though she has more than one and I don't know why. She told me that it's because she has more yeol and suho, so she's getting rid of the more ones. 

I thought I would be happier after talking to her. In the end, I only made myself feel much worse. I give up. I don't want to talk about xoxo again.