So does anyone remember my crush? Yeah, I wrote a blog about him 9 months and 3 days ago. Haven't read it yet? Click this [x]

Okay. Lemme continue that unfinished story. The blog was written in September 9, 2012. A month after that, he confessed to me through text. I accepted his confession, of course. :| 

We weren't really in a relationship. We were just in the 'mutual understanding' stage then. The facade continued for like 6 whole months. Since he's my schoolmate and he was a junior last year, we would hang out often. But my friends were always on the lookout lol. Yes, they are overprotective bastards. They would always mention kicking his if he'll try to hurt me.

Anyways, we made some pretty good memories within those 6 months.

We also fought a lot concerning some problems couples would normally argue about. Nonetheless, we survived it. ^___^

Then summer came. I focused on K-POP more and the guy focused on me, in return. He kept bugging me with his texts while I was busy spazzing on my biases. EHEM EHEM specifically LuHan EHEM EHEM.

I grew tired of his never ending presence on Facebook (chats) and his eternal messages. To make the long story short, I didn't give a . 

I really tried to suppress my anger but he crossed the line one day. 

He freakin' bashed K-POP and my other biases. He was like, "What there's also C-POP?" I was so ing angry at him at that time and I threw profanities at him which I assume some of you would also do to defend your biases. Well I think I ripped his heart apart the moment I said, "This is not even LOVE. It's just INFATUATION."

AND AFTER THAT STUPID SENTENCE EVERYTHING WENT NEUTRAL. 

One more thing, my parents found out about "him" and they were more than happy when I cut all communications with him.

Then school season came which means I would see his face for another 250-300 days. I felt really guilty. My conscience was eating me up alive. I would rather die than lack sleep. GUILT WOULDN'T LET ME SLEEP FOR TWO DAYS.

OH GHAD.

I checked his facebook profile. ALL OF HIS STATUS WAS ABOUT ME AND THE HEARTBREAK I GAVE HIM. 

I asked my friend to give me his number. I apologized then things went... well... awkward since then. He said we could just be friends. Friends mean talking and communicating with each other. BUT NO. We were nothing like that. Although he proclaimed us as friends, I knew it wouldn't be the same anymore.

I just wanted to talk to him like before. Somehow my feelings mix things up. I assume things much more. Sometimes I would wonder if he thinks of me even for a mere second. Whenever we'd meet, we would have this super weird eye contact with each other then walk off in opposite directions.

I didn't intend to hurt him at that time. I was so out of my mind (because of KPOP). I'm uncomfortable with my actions around the people around me. I'm actually the happy virus of our group and I do my best to spread happiness to them. 

It's hard to act all dandy when in truth, I'm depressed like hell.

It's so ing hard to explain my feelings. One minute, I miss him then the next minute, I would act like nothing happened at all.

MY FEELINGS. 

I'M SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. 

I WANT TO BEG HIM TO COME BACK AT TIMES BUT I FEEL STUPID JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I'm gonna go insane here, literally.

Any piece of advice? :/

PS: My best friend and I are somehow going through a tough time. I feel useless as her friend. I can't even solve my own problem about this stupid situation. How much more if I'm gonna help her? 

We're really ed up here. t( -_______-t)