Since the... attack-thingie (I don't know what to call it) Monday evening I have felt weirdly empty and numb. Also extremely tired. And I don't know if that's how I should be feeling. Am I in shock? Or am I just a cynical who guys can molest without me feeling anything? Some people are walking on egg shells around me and it makes me feel like I should be feeling something. I should have a reaction. But at the same time I'm scared. I have an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow (which is for another reason, but I will mention this) and only an hour and a half after I have to do my oral Latin exam. What if I am in shock and the psychologist asks just the right questions to make something surface and I am just a sobbing mess when I have to take my exam? What if I can't think of anything else during my exam? I mean, the exam is not important at all since I will not be taking Latin next year, but I know that I will be disappointed if I get a bad grade. 

It's not like I've forgotten it. I can hear his moan in my ear and I can feel his hands on me. But I don't know what to do with it or how to react. It feels like... a very realistic dream. Like it wasn't real but still something that just won't go away. 

I'll take a sleeping pill now and go to bed. The last thing I need tomorrow is too little sleep

Please send me positive karma and thoughts. I need it.