Something that's started between them is kissing. Eunkwang's seriously surprised that they got this far anyway, whatever it was, because he's a bit of an idiot. So when he couldn't hold back anymore and gently leaned forward, he was fully prepared for Ilhoon to throw him off (he tells himself). But that doesn't happen. Instead the kiss is returned, albeit tentatively. The leader is so surprised that his eyes fly open and the first thing he notices is Ilhoon's hands are closed tightly in a fist at his side. He has to pull away then, leaving Ilhoon a bit surprised. Ilhoon doesn't look at Eunkwang as he tries to work out what has just happened. And Eunkwang isn't quite sure what he's done, he just hopes the rapper doesn't hate him. 

 

     They don't talk about it, of course they don't, but that doesn't mean they don't stop it. Kisses become a regular occurrence, stolen here and there well out of sight. Nothing is ever different about the kisses, they're always slow, tender, feelings lingering faintly on the surface. They're the kind of kisses you experience growing up - you're just putting lips together to see what it's like. But neither of them are novices. Eunkwang often wonders if he should talk to Ilhoon about it. He feels like he needs too but as they pull apart and collect themselves, the words die in Eunkwang's throat. He blames the way Ilhoon looks at him. Eyes sparkling with something Eunkwang doesn't recognise, but it's dangerous, because that look stirs him up inside out.

 

     Slow, 'hey-this-isnt-so-bad' kisses take a different turn one day. Eunkwang's messing around with Minhyuk, making ridiculous jokes, falling into one another with laughter, when he notices a glare burning into him. Finds the owner of the glare at the other end of the table - Ilhoon. The look in his eyes eat the leader up; he feels like a naughty child, caught stealing sweets, and he's not sure why. He shifts under the gaze (suddenly he's uncomfortable), ignoring Minhyuk's excited babble about something - he's not listening anymore - And stuffs food in his mouth. BTOB chat quite happily, oblivious to their leaders suffering. And Ilhoon's smiling along with them, giving the eldest a sideways glance now and then. It's too hot for Eunkwang. He excuses himself from the table and retreats to the bathroom. 

 

     When he gets there he splashes water on his face and takes a deep breath. What is he getting worked up about really? Ilhoon was probably just thinking, staring into space, he does that sometimes right? Even if he wasn't, Eunkwang shouldn't be so worried because there was nothing to be worried about. Their... 'Thing' hasn't affected them before, so why should it now? Their 'thing' shouldn't even become a thing. Eunkwang's going crazy like this. It's Jung Ilhoon's fault. (He's the one that kisses him.) The door opens and Eunkwang shouldn't be surprised when Ilhoon walks in, but he is.

 

     "Ilhoon-ah," he greets, trying to sound as casual as possible. He tries to work out what's going to happen. Maybe Ilhoon will just use the bathroom and let him leave? But the rapper's dark expression says that will defiantly will not happen. He turns to face Ilhoon and suddenly finds the other in his space, standing too close to him, he gasps and there's a ghost of a smirk on Ilhoon's lips. He staring at him straight in the eye and Eunkwang doesn't know how to respond. The idiot in him wants to make a joke, push the other away with a laugh and return to the table. But Idiotkwang is being very quiet in the corner of his mind, so he stands there, gaping like a fish, waiting for Ilhoon do to something. Then, out all the possible things Ilhoon could do, he scoffs and brushes past the leader to use the urinals. Eunkwang's almost offended, almost because he's too stunned right now. So he takes his chance and rushes back to BTOB. Minhyuk drapes over him, and what's normal behaviour between them suddenly feels wrong and uncomfortable. The squirrel feeds him some of his meal just as Ilhoon returns and Eunkwang almost chokes. Thankfully he's able to laugh it off with s. 

 

     That night back at the dorm, Minhyuk has the cheek to ask him if he's OK. Eunkwang says of course of course in a horribly loud and 'musical' way and it throws Minhyuk off the scent. But he's left wondering why he had to do that anyway. Why is he so defensive? What's actually going on? It's all Jung Ilhoon's fault. It's then that the rapper stops playing video games with Peniel and brushes past Eunkwang (again), announcing he's going to bed. Eunkwang gets eaten up by the look in his eyes (again). Just what is going on? He doesn't know anymore.

 

     The next kiss they share is backstage after a pretty good performance. Eunkwang doesn't actually know where they are because Ilhoon dragged them far away from staff and eyes. He's sure they'll get lost when they try to find their way back. But in a spilt second he's pushed into a wall and Ilhoon's lips are heavy and hard against him. Ilhoon eats him up like a starving man and he's doing his best to respond.

 

     "Ilhoon-ah," he whispers quickly, clinging onto the rapper. The kisses stop when he reaches the collar of Eunkwang's shirt.

 

     "Do you do this with Minhyuk-hyung?" Ilhoon rasps, burying his face in that curve of neck and shoulder. Eunkwang wants to know why he's asked, what's made him ask and everything inbetween, but all he says is 'no' and Ilhoon heaves a sigh of relief, his body relaxing significantly. The rapper steps back, quickly straightening his hyung's clothes and turns away, mumbling that they better get back. Eunkwang thinks that he's feeling confused far too much these days.

 

     He also thinks that he thinks too much about kissing Ilhoon. Like late at night for instance. His mind is full of the many different kisses they have experienced together and when he's done reliving them all, his imagination takes over and things take a different turn. So he does his best to come up with revolting images in his head and despite being in bed, he doesn't fall asleep until much much later.

 

 

 

     He pushes himself on his bandmates, trying to act as normal as possible, but old habits die hard and he's initiating skin ship with Ilhoon before he knows it, totally forgetting everything. A few members give him a surprised look because they remember that Ilhoon hates skin ship whilst Ilhoon himself gives him a blank look as he rambles on. When he looks into the rapper's eyes, they are not so blank, they are full of emotions, emotions Eunkwang can't name. Eunkwang pretends that his breath doesn't get hitched in his throat and wanders over to Hyunsik because he has to act like a gorilla.

 

 

 

     Things are strangely uneventful after that. Eunkwang thinks he should be happy things are going so well for his band but he's left feeling uneasy. Maybe it's because there aren't as many kisses anymore. Ilhoon isn't as bothered by his casual skin ship but he's barely with the leader these days. He's not dragging them off to dark corners to experiment kissing, he's not churning him up with the look in his eyes. Eunkwang doesn't know what's going on anymore. Since he's the one that started this 'thing', he decides to take matters into his own hands.

 

     Ilhoon's in one of the practise rooms all by himself when Eunkwang shows up. The rapper doesn't acknowledge him at first as he scribbles something down in a notebook. It's after he turns of the looping instrumental music from his phone that he actually looks at the leader. With His normal smirk is in place he says, 'hyung' and Idiotkwang is more than happy to laugh loudly, saying some stupid small talk. Afterwards, the practise room is eerily silent and Eunkwang clears his throat, he can't put it off anymore.

 

     "Ilhoon-ah, did I do something wrong?" He didn't notice that the rapper had been fiddling on his phone, but when he meets his eyes, Ilhoon puts his phone back down.

 

     "Why?" He asks and Eunkwang scoffs.

 

     "Well we haven't..." Eunkwang doesn't know why he can't say 'kissed'.

 

     "I thought you didn't want to anymore." Ilhoon's face is blank as he looks at the wall behind Eunkwang.

 

     "What? Why? I never said that. What gave you..." He trails off because he's trying to think whatever gave Ilhoon that impression. Wy is this such a big deal anyway.

 

      "So you do... Want to." That look is back in Ilhoon's eyes and Eunkwang's organs are being churned up and mangled. He manages to nod, distracting himself with tiding his tidy hair. Suddenly Ilhoon's on his feet and in Eunkwang's space. It's Eunkwang who moves first, his eyes shut as he presses their lips together. The first kisses are small pecks, barely even there, and after a while the younger growls. He grabs his hyung's collar and pushes him into the wall, making Eunkwang angle his head at the onslaught of hot a rushed kisses.

 

     Eunkwang gives as good as he gets and grabs Ilhoon's shoulders, pushing him into the opposite wall with a bump. They eat each other up, built up feelings inside unleashing themselves. They go on like that for a while, aggressively kissing and pushing each other until they grow tired and pull apart. Lips are stained with rose matching their cheeks, chests heaving. After all this Eunkwang still doesn't really know what's going on. Why did he kiss the rapper all that time ago? He thinks back to that day. He had been innocently helping him with homework, but suddenly he had the urge to kiss him, and when he did the kiss had been returned. He still doesn't know what all this means.

 

     "What is this, Ilhoon-ah? What are we doing? What are we?"

 

     "We're human, hyung." He wants to loudly say how stupid that answer is but before he does, he gets it. He understands. They're human. The idol life doesn't have much time for basic human needs, this was their way of fulfilling that need. And somewhere along the way, his need decided that Ilhoon was the best for the job.

 

 

 

 

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Yeah it ends there quite horribly because I don't know where to go next... Thanks for reading? Expect more scrap fics because FEELS DON'T STOP