I want to have a normal life. Like, I don't need to worry about death threats of fangirls or pictures of me lingering around the internet. (FYI, I'm not someone big or smth. Just involved. Okay? Not bragging, I just need to write these off.) It gets pretty tiring that I have to hack every underground website of fangirls (A.K.A Korean sasaengs) or wire them viruses everytime they upload, download or take a picture of us. it is prety surprising that International fans still doesn't know what they has and I'm happy about that. It gets pretty tiring because every time a Filipino Fangirl approached me on event then pushes me answer their questions. I just want a normal fangirl life and I need a normal everyday life. 

I sometimes regret befriending them and getting involved with some underground peeps. And I do, for 's sake, regret having an affair with someone I knew would get that big. It gets pretty tiring to live like this, you know? I feel like everyone's eyes' are on me or they're watching me even when I take a shower. (I'm over reacting right now.) But I'm serious, I just want to die and reincarnate still as Hermelyn Gener, just a normal fangirl. I wanna take a walk during events with my friends without anyone disturbing me or approaching me (unless I'm friends with you). 

I hella miss my dad. For once in my life, someone asked me "Are you really okay?". I still wait for him to come back even though I know, somehow, maybe, he's getting married again and will have a daughter anytime soon. Or worse, he already has a family of his own. I don't really care how much he had hurt me before or how much he's taken me to my limit. Maybe I was or maybe I was fed up. I don't care, just, I need my dad back because he was one of "THOSE" who understood me and my attitude problems. He's been a good dad, at least, for me. He was the one who went to the hospital when I was accidentally hit by a car. He was the one who took care of me when I was freezing to death. He was the one who taught me how to be "ME". You wouldn't imagine how good he is as a dad. Though, it hurts to think that I was a few times and cried for years. Left scarred and waiting for him to come back. I still loved my dad who used me as his past time during his 'bored' nights because he said he's gonna get me an ice cream tomorrow after that night. Though he used me as his toy and bought me a PSP and a phone to communicate with him when he left us. I was scared when he first visited me at my school. Scared that he'll excuse me out of class and use me again. He gave me his phone number and left, telling me to text me when there's a problem at house. He got my trust again. I trusted him because he's my dad. I never learned. But I never doubted him. 

Still, till now, I wait for him even though I'm fed up with his lies. I love my dad that much because he was, again, the only person who stood up for me when I was the weakest. I'm a fool and I know it. I still seek for him...

Boyfriend? We're in a mess.