“Channie, Channie, Oppa! Saranghae!” by letmebetheone:

• plot (25/50)

To be honest, I could only concentrate on how terrible the grammar in your fanfiction was.   However, from what I did read, it was mediocre.  Your plot was full of clichés, and trite situations.  It is not memorable for anyone, especially with your grammar.   I was being kind when I gave you half the points.

• grammar (0/50)

“*I'm just the 'another girl' who likes him* you sigh as you saw him walking with B1A4. *gahhh, he's too perfect* you stop from eyeing him and walk to your friend with a smile.”   This is a perfect example of unacceptable grammar.  I don’t mind using asterisks to show that she is thinking these things, however, use them the same way you use quotation marks.  When you start a sentence, capitalize.  Then some other errors are verb tense, spacing, and nouns.  For example, “you sigh as you saw him…” is a very awkward clause.  If you just fix the verb tenses, it will become much more clear and reader-friendly, “you sighed as you saw him…”  Your spacing issue is very common.  In case, I’ve only ever read one fanfiction that didn’t have the error, and that would be mine.  Your problem is, you don’t double space after ending punctuation marks.  After a period, question mark, or exclamation mark, always double space before beginning your next sentence.  See what I did there?  Nouns are a really annoying subject for me.  Personally, I cannot understand, whatsoever, why people don’t get it.  “*I'm just the 'another girl,’” hah, what a preposterous clause.  Look, don’t use “the” unless you are referring to a specific object.  For example, two boys are kicking around a soccer ball.  One of the boys kicks it closer to the other boy than himself, he asks “Can you kick me the soccer ball?”  In this case, you’re referring to “another”, as in not specific object.  Therefore, the “the” contradicts the meaning of the sentence, so it is wrong.  Next noun issue: “with B1A4.”  If you word it like this, you’re implying Gongchan is not a part of B1A4, and he is.  Use “the rest of” blah blah, it clears up the vagueness.  Oh, and the single quotation marks are just plain strange; take them out.  Another last minute issue, don’t use contractions in formal, or published, writing.  I’m using contractions because I’m writing a review, an informal writing prompt.  In standard English, your sentence phrase should look like this: “*I am just another girl who likes him* you sighed as you saw him walking with the rest of B1A4.  *Gahhh, he is too perfect* you stop eyeing him and walk to your friend with a smile.”  -5

“"yah! why are you late again?"”  You’re starting your sentence with dialogue, capitalize. -1

“you greet them…your face…my bestfriend…while showing me...”  I have officially encountered the rapids of no return.  This is the most annoying, Moon-killing mistake I cross and I meet it often too!  Look at the excerpted phrases.  “You” then “your” is perfectly okay.  The problem lies in the next part, the “my” and “me” following the “you” and “your”.  Who are you talking about?  Me, or you?  Which one is it?  (I am trying not to be extremely harsh and put angry emoticons like this: =.=+ and capitalize my sentence to show I’m yelling and ripping my hair out, but if I see this more often, I will not hold back.  Even if English is not your first language, you should understand this little.) -5

“Out of all the queenka in the school which is, Fei, Jia, Min and Su-jie….”  You write “queenka” which is a singular noun, then you go on to list four names!  Add an ‘s’ if you’re going to list more than one name. -2

“*Yes, im strong! He's happy, a good crush should always be happy for their crush*”  Several mistakes here:  usage of apostrophes, contractions, capitalization, incorrect noun usage, and italicization.  First item” if you’re going to use a contraction, use an apostrophe.  “I’m” not “im.”  Second item, you shouldn’t even be using contractions.  Third item, capitalize your ‘I’s.  They teach you this much in school, right?  Last items, why do you list “crush” twice and why are you italicizing it?  If you use the same noun to name two things, you are implying the two are the same and because I know what you’re trying to say, I know they are not.  “…A good crush should always be happy for their crush*” The first crush should be changed to “crusher,” as in, a person who crushes on another and italicization should only be used in naming books, plays, etc.  Search it, you’ll find the exact list.  Haha, I found another one I didn’t catch before.  Last grammar mistake:  plural-singular agreement.  “Crusher” is singular, so “crush” should be singular too, if you’re implying she only has one crush, which you are, so yeah.  Whew, look at all the mistakes in a single sentence!  -5

“*is it save?*”  Wrong form of word.  “Save” is a verb, “safe” is an adjective.  You are wondering about the situation, so you mean to describe it, therefore it must be an adjective.  It should be “safe.” -1

“You took a glance at Gongchan( your oh-so-perfect guy).”  You dare use parentheses in formal writing?  What spunk, not good spunk.  Just fix it by using a comma, for goodness’ sake.  “You took a glance at Gongchan, your oh-so-perfect guy.” -1

“You guys chat chat chat until both of you fall asleep.”  This is so amusing.  I only have to skim to find billions of grammar mistakes.  “Chat chat chat” should be “chat and chat and chat.”  Go ask your English teacher why, I don’t want to have to explain anymore. -1

“CNU saw Eunjung and wave at her.”  Verb tense problem, again.  -1

“"Arasso, arasso" You eat your food.”  Where is your ending punctuation for the dialogue and why did you capitalize a letter in the middle of a sentence? -3

“He walk away.”  Verb tense, again.  I don’t like repeating myself so everytime I see this, I’ll take off on this line. -20

I can’t take away anymore points, you’ve already run out.  What are teachers teaching these days?

• title (15/20)

It caught my interest, so it should be fine, right?  …Until I review my standard English textbook and find an error in your commas and exclamation marks.  Oh, keep this in mind, “You only get four exclamation marks, that’s it.”  Famous English quote by who-knows-who and he or she is absolutely right.  You’ve just used two in your title, there better not be more than two in the rest of your fanfic.

• spelling (7/10)

Not too bad, but I couldn’t really tell anyways since your grammar kept screwing up. 

“You sturttered.” -3

• graphics (6/10)

Your poster is full of rainbow, cute fluff that’s almost too good for the story itself…almost.

• professionalism/approach (0/30)

Your grammar got a zero, of course your professionalism gets a zero.

• character development (10/30)

At least there are characters, that’s five points.  At least you have descriptions in your introduction to the fanfic, that’s the rest of your five points.  Everything else is a mess.

• BONUS*overall enjoyment (+0)

This is my little appendix where I can spill out all my feelings.  …/cough up blood/  I couldn't get through  8 chapters of this before I got a headache.  Take my advice and choose one of these options: develop writing skills, stop writing, or don't write in English.  The first one is the one I like to see.  Once you've gotten better, come to me again.  I love it when previous customers come back improved.  If you need any help, don't be afraid to shoot me a PM, okay?

Total Marks: 62/200 (31% F)