Occaionally, I'll be posting my vents here. just because I don't really trust anyone that I know in person and I know its bad to keep things in, so i'll just come here. Is that okay?

Okay, so let me tell you my life before kpop. I was somewhat suicidal, cos I felt no happiness. I had one of the "quality" tumblr blogs and I tried my best to be happy.

Now that I'm into kpop, I still feel depression, but its somewhat better now, cos I have things to look forward to and idk it just feels somewhat better.

I mean, if I look at it, my life isn't all that bad. I have parents that are married, I've never been abused. I have a good amount of friends, but the reason why I get depressed is I think a lot. 

And okay. So if you guys didn't know my fanfics have hints of my life in them. Not specifically my first one. But Let You Go has a lot. 

I was in middle school when I had my first love. Idk, it felt real to me. He was one grade below me. And we broke up. After that I tried my best to get over with him. I didn't think of it at the time, but I was a omg. Like I would call it being "friends" but now that I look at it I was leading guys on. Trying to fill the hole in my heart. 

Okay. Summer came and we were in this summer program together. And he did the most move you don't even know. Okay, my birthday's in the summer. During that time. And right in front of me, he asked out a close friend of mine ON MY BIRTHDAY. and she said yes. I cried so much that day. on my birthday. He knew I still had feelings for him, everyone knew. 

High school came along and he was out of my life. I transferred to a farther school for a new start. I tried my best to move on but again, it didn't work. Like when I hung out with the guy I'd like at school, but at the end of the day I would think of my ex.

And later I just forgot about love in general and focused on grades and stuff.

Thats until he asked me about how I transferred. And I wanted to be nice and tell him and he said he was going to transfer to my school.

At this time I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Him and my "close friend" broke up so he was single. 

And weeks passed by. and i found out he got with another girl..

And then I found out he wasn't going to transfer.

And i just didn't know what to feel anymore.

And I've been listening to my old songs on iTunes and they still have effects on me from when we were together.

And now, I'm going to meet up with my best friend at his band concert. And I don't know what to feel or do when I see him..

gahhh.

Wish me luck.