I was browsing through deviantArt and Tumblr, looking for art blogs, tutorials and the like, when a question suddenly popped into my mind: Am I even meant to be an artist?

Then I suddenly had this weird feeling that what if I was just wasting my time drawing, doing art stuff when I'm not even meant to be an artist. That maybe someday, all these would be useless or that getting an art course in college (I know, still a long way before that but...) is nonsense (although this blog is a nonsense) and won't do me any good or that I shouldn't take art way too seriously. Like this wouldn't be my future career so I shouldn't even bother to try.

I have no idea where this sudden thought came. Maybe it was because one of my friends, who is an artist too, wasn't going to get an art course unlike what I expected. Instead she wanted one that has no relation to art whatsoever. It's just weird when all along she was the one indulged in art. Then my mom was here trying to convince me into going to show business and I hated the idea. I explained to her that you have to get a job that you actually liked so you'll enjoy doing, not something you hate but she was like, "No. When you're there, you're gonna enjoy it". It was really annoying. Good thing I was able to stop when I told her that I'm also going to take law (she also wanted me to be a lawyer since she's in awe of my sharp tongue lol). Or maybe it was because most of our family members are not interested in art (except for one of my dad's cousins, who is a very awesome artist and likes to make comics but never publishes them. We're not very close though as I've only seen him a few times) although my parents can make decent art pieces, they don't really encourage me to take art as a career. Like most of the people I know don't even take art seriously like it's just a pasttime. Or because I am often called a jack-of-all-trades and that I wouldn't even be good at this.

Is this weird (I'm weird, okay)? I mean I'm already this oh-so serious in art and then suddenly this thought wanted me to take a hundred "What Are You Meant To Be?" online quizzes.

Maybe this is just my very low self-esteem trying to get in my way to success. Like this voice telling me that, "You're not good enough to be one." A voice summarizing all the critisms I received from most of the time (mostly from people closest to me, so yeah--it hurts more lol)

p.s. I missed blogging. I've been very inactive lately. Inactive meaning online but not posting anything since I've been very lazy and busy with other stuff.

If this doesn't make any sense, please forgive me, it's already 5AM here and I'm not yet asleep (we sleep at 6am but still...)