So HI. You've decided to read another depressing blog of mine, eh? Well, thanks. but I just need one thing from you, fella. I just need a "Fighting" or "Good luck" in my comment section. No, seriously. I really need it once you're done reading this. I am really not that into writing these days but since I really have nothing else to do (or simply lazy to do things), I am writing. I don't actually expect a lot of encouraging comments from my readers, but I hope you'll help me move on from things. Seriously. 

I think this is going to be the first and last depressing blog for this month. I just think so and I promise I won't write about s anymore. (Well, that's what I also said last month.)

I think I am writing about my realizations and appreciations? So basically, this is all abou my regrets and s. 

Dad

— I don't actually know where he really is. It's been 2 years since he left house and one year since I last saw him. I lost my contacts with him and he doesn't online anymore. Some things are still bothering me: if how's my dad doin'? How has he been since I last sent him a message. How have must it been for him when he has nothing to lean on. I never really imagined myself without my dad. I've always dreamt with my dad in it or uttered a thing with him always in it. I've been a bad daughter. I've always hit my dad with things that hurts him (which both of us enjoyed since we really love martial arts.)I've been a bad kid for not finding him as sson as I lost contact with him. I also think that I am a useless daughter for not supporting him during his bad days. I started cutting school and visit him at his place or work. I started working near his work place too just to see him after work or stalk him because he knows I am studying. I try to invite him for a drink even though I'm underage and his place is far away than mine. I paid for his expenses before he even knows about it. tried everything to help him because I regret not trying to stop him from leaving home. Becaues I regret everything for being weak and dumb. Because I still regret how I've always been a distant, stupid daughter. I regret everything so I tried to help him. i was 13 back then when he left home, still naive to save my famly from s. But i appreaciate the fact that my dad tried to save me from being dumb and not knowing that I am adopted. He tried to save me from the secrets he kne wthat would hurt and kill me. I appreciate the gifts and things he gave to me and I am still keeping it. I still have the phone he gave me when he first left home... he gave me that phone for te communications hits sinec my mom told the school to never let him stay near me. The school was one of the reason why I left everything behind to work near my dad's place. I love him.... I love my dad so much that it ing hurts me to see my friends talk with their dad. I ing envy my friends for having a dad who ing loves them like the way my dad loved me. I ing envy everyone who has a dad to greet during Fathers day or a letter to give to during Parent's day.

I just ing realized how horrible I've been since my dad left. but i neve regret being horrible like this. 

*bow*

Good night.