Have you ever had those moments where you just look back on your life and think about all the things you have said or could have said? Do you think about your first kiss or what should have been? 

I do. o _ o Sometimes I lay awake and I think about what it would have been like if I had let him kiss me or if I hadn't gone through the things I went through. What kind of person would I be today? 

I just remember silly things about myself like in 8th grade I had this crush on the neighbor boy. I liked him beyond anyone I had ever liked in my young life. I mean, sure, I had had little crushes here and there, but nothing with this boy felt like that. It was an instantaneous thing.  The boy knew I liked him. He was a 9th grader and I thought he was so cool being older.   We had hung around for a long time, we even went trick or treating together and he told all of these people I was beautiful.  He held my hand as we walked and took great care in helping me up and down hills. I couldn't help but feel like this was the first person I wanted to actually be with as i had never really dated before.  

As I remember it was night time in the summer, my mom had asked me to go outside and grab the milk from the car. It seemed almost like it was truly something by god that he just happened to be out at the same time.  I saw him and called out. he came over to me and said his dad asked him to run up the road to the store as I asked him what he was doing outside. I could remember even then I was nervous.  We stood talking for a long time and I forgot all about getting the milk and he seemed to forget about going to the store. The two of us sat on the hill in front of my house. The moon was out and I was prattling on about something stupid I had learned. I went to say something else and he grabbed the back of my head and yanked me forward. I could only see him tilting his head to kiss me and I pushed him away. I was scared and confused but later regretted it. I knew I liked him and I wanted him to kiss me but I couldn't stop myself. After I had pushed him away I sat beside him and mentally asked him to do it again and again, but it never happened. Soon afterward I moved away to indiana and we lost all contact.

 Deep down a part of me wonders what it would have been like if I let him kiss me. Sometimes I come back to that thought and I find myself wondering where he is now and does he think about me? It's a silly thing to remember but for some reason it makes me happy to know that maybe, just maybe he liked me as much as I liked him.

Tell me one of your memories favorite or least favorite. o u o