About 09:30 A.M. today, central time zone in the U.S., I posted this blog post.

It's a blog post for my friends all around the globe, those friends I've made here on AFF.  The blog post had Bruno Mars's "Long Distance" and Christina Grimmie's "Counting".  Both of them in my opinion talk about long distance relationships and such.

Regrets of a person come in the end.  It's always like that.  A Filipino saying, "Nasa huli ang pagsisisi", meaning "Regrets come in the end", really took hold of me today.  It is April 7th where I am, and it's now April 8th in the Philippines.

Like I said, regrets come in the end.  I regret a lot of things in my life, and I thank God that it was not too late for me to have my mind cleared up.  But just when I thought everything was going smoothly, something happened.

11:37 P.M., April 7th in the Philippines, my grandfather breathed his last breath.

My mom is in the Philippines at the moment, so she really saw my Tatay right as he passed away.

However, my dad and I were left here in Houston.  We were at church, and I saw my dad walk over to the head Pastor and whisper something in his ear.  I scrunched my nose up, and moved on to listening to another Pastor make some announcements on the small stage upfront.

Then, out of nowhere as I was going through my backpack, my dad tapped my shoulder and said:  "Wala na si Tatay (Tatay is dead)."

My dad rushed out the church and back at the lobby and I followed him, knowing he was on the verge of tears.  My dad is a pretty soft person, but it's still hard to see him break.  I put my arms around him as he told the head Pastor's wife what had happened, and they said their condolences to us.

Just right before one of the Pastors ended his announcements, the head Pastor interrupted and personally announced that my grandfather had passed away, and they included him in his Pastoral Prayer.

Guys... the last time I cried was when I did my dad wrong, he got mad at me.

Crying again because one of my relatives died, in public... it was new.  I felt new.  I couldn't focus on the prayer, I just kept on crying beside my dad.  I could hear him muffle his cries, sobbing, his shoulders heaving.  I rubbed his back just right before I broke myself.  I let go.  I cried.

I didn't cry because my grandfather was dead, or because I couldn't bear to see my dad cry.  I cried because I was a bad granddaughter.

I've said things behind my grandfather's back, who was ill, and made fun of those things.

It's so hard for me to accept that he's gone, only because not much of my relatives have passed.  My Tatay is not just a relative, he's my grandpa, my dad's father.  When I was little I always thought, "Our family is the best because we haven't ever lost a relative".  Who would have thought it would be this year that that statement of mine would become untrue.

So in the meantime, I'll be wearing black.

And for my grandpa... I love you.

And I dedicate "Long Distance" to you, Tatay.  I'm sorry for everything I've done behind your back.