Title [ 4/5 ]

I think the title you made is somewhere in the middle. It isn’t super eye catching, but if I came upon that in the story section, I would probably stop to look at it. Nice job with the title.

       

Description / Foreword / Prologue [ 11/15 ]

For the description, you could have gave the readers a little information about what they’re about to read. I do like the foreword you made though..It made me want to read more about what was going to happen to Yoona and Show Luo.

 

        Originality [ 7/10 ]

I’ve never read about these Yoona and Show Luo together before, so I’ll give you points for that, but I have read about one or two other stories relating to this plot. However, it wasn’t exactly like this, so I’ll give you a few points for that as well.

 

        Story Flow [ 9/10 ]

The flow was pretty good. I was able to understand almost everything that was happening. Good job.

 

Storyline [ 9/10 ]

This type of storyline wouldn’t be on my list of what I enjoy reading, but you did a good job. I found myself wanting to read more and more.

 

Characters [ 8/10 ]

You didn’t describe the characters too much..You did describe Show Luo’s love for Yoona and Sooyoung, though. Yoona wasn’t described too much either, but the readers can make an inference that she loves Show Luo unconditionally. Although I do like that you described it, and didn’t state everything.

 

Clarity [ 5/5]

You did a good job here. I was able to follow everything, and the paragraph structure was good.

 

Grammar / Writing [ 12/25 ]

Honestly, I noticed a few errors here. For example, your punctuation was off at some parts. Since the punctuation error occurred repeatedly, I won’t take off too many points for that. Also, you used capitalization at several wrong parts. To add on, I noticed one misspelled word, and you messed up with some of the tenses.

Examples:

Incorrect: I know God has a reason why He’s doing it but why now when all’s okay and happy?

Correct: I know God has a reason why He’s doing it, but why now when all’s okay and happy?

Incorrect: I haven’t had a baby with her, we haven’t gone to Paris and I haven’t showed her what I prepared for her 25^th birthday on the 31^st of August.

Correct: I haven’t had a baby with her, we haven’t gone to Paris yet, and I haven’t shown her what I prepared for her 25^th birthday on August 31^st.

Incorrect: I promised her eternal happiness but it seemed like I wouldn’t be able to fulfil that.

Correct: I promised her eternal happiness, but it seemed like I wouldn’t be able to fulfill that.

Incorrect: I guess Promises were really made to be Broken.

Correct: I guess promises were really made to be broken.

Incorrect: It’s not just a saying but it’s the truth in this world of cruel reality.

Correct: It’s not just a saying, but it’s the truth in this world of cruel reality.

Incorrect: I looked up not wanting these tears to fall but I just couldn’t hold it anymore and it flowed down through my cheeks then on my lap.

Correct: I looked up, not wanting these tears to fall, but I just couldn’t hold it anymore, and it flowed down my cheeks, then on my lap.

Incorrect: Leaving her clueless I feel so cruel.

Correct: I feel so cruel, leaving her clueless.

Incorrect: I feel so delinquent.

Correct: I feel like a delinquent.

Incorrect: I should’ve not married her if I’ll just be replacing the temporary happiness with a permanent and life-long sadness!

Correct: I shouldn’t have married her if I knew I’ll just be replacing the temporary happiness with a permanent and life-long sadness!

Incorrect: I mean, everyone experience sadness but I don’t think Yoona is strong enough to handle the possible result of my operation.

Correct: I mean, everyone experiences sadness, but I don’t think Yoona is strong enough to handle the possible result of my operation.

Incorrect: She was in front of me staring but definitely not eating.

Correct: She is in front of me, staring, but definitely not eating.

Incorrect: She looked as if she was on cloud nine.

Correct: She looks as if she is on cloud nine.

Incorrect: I asked her after swallowing the food and still holding the pair of utensils on both of my hands.

Correct: I asked her after swallowing the food while holding the pair of utensils in both of my hands.

Incorrect: She was ecstatic but what could it be?

Correct: She was ecstatic, but what could it be?

Incorrect: If you only knew Yoona, I also have something to tell you.

For that one ^^ I honestly don’t know what you mean.

Incorrect: Sigh.

Correct: I sighed.

Incorrect: She can make my frown into a smile and a smile into a bigger one.

Correct: She can make my frown turn into a smile and my smile turn into an even bigger one.

Incorrect: I showed her a smile even if that blessing she’s carrying in her womb stabs me at my heart.

Correct: I showed her a smile even though that blessing she’s carrying in her womb stabs my heart.

Incorrect: I think she already knew about it.

Correct: I think she already knows about it.

Incorrect: The 86, 400, 000 milliseconds may be over but it was replaced with Forever.

Correct: The 86, 400, 000 milliseconds may be over, but it is replaced with forever.

Incorrect: I smiled and told her, “Just call me, Oppa. Arasso?”

Correct: I smiled and told her, “Just call me Oppa, arasso?”

Incorrect: It wouldn’t change the fact that I was hurt and betrayed.

Correct: It won’t change the fact that I am hurt and betrayed.

Incorrect: We were walking but none of us spoke after what I said.

Correct: We walked, but neither of us spoke after what I said.

Incorrect: I just don’t know where to start but I know that I should start today.

Correct: I don’t know where to start, but I know that I should start today.

Incorrect: I think it still counts as betraying since after she left, she had somebody replacing my position.

Correct: I think it still counts as betrayal, since she had somebody replacing my position after she left me.

Incorrect: Seemed she understood what I meant by that.

Correct: It seems like she understands what I meant by that.

 

Bonus / Comment [ 6/10 ]

To be honest, I enjoyed this story. Although I’m not a big fan of the leading characters, I did like it. Good job.

Overall [ 71/100 ]

You didn’t do too bad..The mechanics brought your score down, but I could still understand what you were writing. You did a good job, considering the fact that I’m not a big fan of the characters or this type of plot, but I enjoyed reading it, anyway.