Story Title: Carribean Bay
Story Author: nanasway
Reviewer: choisooyeon

---

 

Title (8/10)

- At first, I thought the title didn’t have any relation with the story since I assumed that it’s called ‘Caribbean Bay’ because Taecyeon and Yoona were in that commercial film together and since Yoona was in the commercial film, you decided to just name it that way… but it actually had something to do with the plot so I give you points for that. It’s a good thing you didn’t name your story ‘The Summer of Love’ because that would be too cliché and it would be this unoriginal title and all, so good job.

 

Overall Enjoyment (7/10)

- The story has potential but there’s something lacking, or maybe it’s because it isn’t completed yet or so but it’s like reading a story all the same with the others and that didn’t make me enjoy so much… but I did enjoy having Taemin as this cute kid in the story.

 

Writing Style (8/10)

- Your writing style is quite okay, it isn’t confusing and you also used one font and one color for each chapter. But there is this part in the story where Tiffany, Yoona and the others were playing a game (found in chapter 3) and it’s quite confusing. Maybe you could use a format like this if one answers the question of the other and yeah.

QUESTION AND ANSWER:

For: Tiffany

Question: Who is your first love?

Answer:

That would be clearer than how it is currently typed now. I got confused to what is what or maybe you should just remove the other irrelevant questions and only state the important ones: “After a few more questions, this this and that”

 

Plot (19/25)

-  The plot was smooth and didn’t waver from what the story really is about so I give you points for that but there are parts that aren’t clear at all and the prologue was kind of confusing at first since it made me go, “What? What is this? Who is he? Who is the other he? What am I reading?” But then as I reached chapter 3, the prologue actually gave out the most important information that should’ve been revealed in the middle part of the story. Maybe you should change the prologue or just remove it because the thrill of the story just ended in the prologue since the readers would go like, “Ah! The prologue makes sense now so Yoona is like this and like that and Donghae blah, blah.”

The readers would have everything all figured out without you even finishing the story.

 

Originality/Creativity (15/20)

- The plot isn’t at all original and creative since a lot of other authors here in Asiafanfics have the same type of story. Nerd gets turned down by a popular kid, nerd gets makeover, nerd gets revenge and one of them falls for the other and boom, they are together. It would be nice if there’s like this plot twist that would actually surprise the readers and not make them all “Ah, I knew this was happening.”

 

Characterization (5/5)

- The characters were well-explained and all so I give you a perfect score for that.

 

Writing Mechanics (1/10)

- You have a lot grammatical errors but it can be fixed so don’t worry. Here are some grammar errors in some of your chapters:

 

PROLOGUE:

One bottle or few can led to another thing, which will end up in a huge mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life.

“A bottle of alcohol led one thing from another which ended up to be a huge mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life”

 

---

She thought over what has happened as she pretended to admire the wall as another couple passed by her. She was wearing nothing but bedsheets that covered her body and her clothes tucked under her arm. It was in no condition to be worned since he ripped it apart, ohh how she want to rip him apart.

“She thought over what has happened and pretended to admire a wall when another couple passed by her. She was wearing nothing but a bed sheet that covered her body. Her clothes were tucked under her arm for she had no reason to wear it since he ripped it apart. Oh, how she wanted to rip him apart”

---

Often most would think of the conclusion at this state, she was afraid what would happen if he found out what has happened to her last night.

She wondered what he was doing last night, and what about his girlfriend? His girlfriend was her best friend, if she found what has happened to her last night she was in so much trouble. She didn't want to lose her boyfriend and her best friend!

The one or few bottle has led her to a huge mistake that she could never get back and she didn't really know if she wanted it back. Of course she did! She wasn't disloyal!

She made her way quickly to her room to find it locked. She quickly racked around her brain to figure out where she has left her key and smack herself on the forehead. It was in his room!

“Most people would often think of a reason seeing her at this state, she was afraid of what would happen if he found out what happened to her last night.

She wondered what he was doing last night and what about his girlfriend? His girlfriend was her best friend and if she found out what happened to her last night she would be in so much trouble. She didn’t want to lose her boyfriend and her best friend.

One bottle of alcohol led one thing to another… a huge mistake that she could never take back. She didn’t really know if she wanted it back but of course, a part of her knew she did, she wasn’t disloyal—or so she thought”

---

She slumped to the floor, a mssive hangover; yes. She really regretted having all those drinks but what she regretted most was going to that party with the gang where all has led her to this. She didn't get why it wasn't her boyfriend who took her to the suite instead of him.

She buried her face on to her hand as she waited for someone familiar to notice her and offer her to come into their room. All for she knows, she wished it was the dongsaeng since he would do anything for her.

“She slumped on a floor, experiencing a huge hangover. Regretting of having all those drinks, those drinks that led her to this, but what she regretted the most is going to a party with a gang she isn’t familiar with. She didn’t get why it wasn’t her boyfriend who took her to the suite instead of him.

She buried her face in her hands as she waited for someone familiar to notice her and offer her to come into their room. And for all she knows, she wished it was her donsaeng since he would do anything for her”

---

But he didn't see her as just a noona when he pushed her on the bed suddenly and kissed her full on the mouth.

One or few can lead to another thing, which will end up in a huge mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life...

“But he didn’t see her as a noona, when he suddenly pushed her on the bed and kissed her full on the lips.

A few things led to another, which will end up being a huge mistake that you’ll regret for the rest of your life”

 

MY NAME’S DONGHAE:

He explored with his tongue as did she.

"Morning," he whispered between the morning kiss as he felt her body with his hands.

She smiled as she got on top of him and kissed down his chest.

Nichkhun stared at the ceiling as Yoona kissed down his body.

"Oh god, your so hard to resist." Nichkhun gripped the headboard with one hand while the other hand gripped the bedsheets.

 

“He explored with his tongue as she returned the favor.

“Morning,” he said in between their kisses as he felt her body with his hands.

She smiled as she got on top of him and gave him butterfly kisses along his chest.

Nichkhun stared at the ceiling as Yoona kissed him down his body.

“Oh god, you’re so hard to resist.” Nichkhun gripped on the headboard with one hand while the other hand gripped the bed sheets”

---

Yoona poped her head out of the cover and kissed his throat.

 

“Yoona popped her head out of the covers and kissed his throat”

---

Nichkhun came out from the cover and sighed as he sat up next to her.

 

“Nichkhun came out of the covers and sighed as he sat up next to her”

---

"He likes you Yoona, his always getting between us." Nichkhun told her.

"His just a kid," Yoona traced his muscular torso with her slender finger. "He doesn't mean to in."

"You really don't believe the affect you have on Taemin?" Nichkhun asked as he her hair. "Your making the kid drunk with you irrisistable charm."

 

“He likes you Yoona, he’s always getting in between us.” Nichkhun told her.

“He’s just a kid.” Yoona traced his muscular torso with her slender finger. “He doesn’t mean to in.”

“You don’t really believe the effect you have on Taemin?” Nichkhun asked her as he her hair. “You’re making the kid drunk with you irresistible charm.”

---

"Your making me drunk just by looking at you stretching like that. The kids weak, if you have this affect on me, than the kid would be dead just by looking at you ." Nichkhun told her as he got up and covered them with the bedsheet.

 

“You’re making me drunk just by looking at you stretching like that. The kid’s weak, if you have this effect on me, then the kid would be dead just by looking at you .” Nichkhun told her as he got up and covered them both with the bed sheet”

---

"Awww, I love you too." Yoona turned back and hugged him. "Now I gatta shower." Yoona pulled the cover from him and wrapped it around herself, leaving Nichkhun's body exposed.

 

“Aww, I love you too.” Yoona turned back and hugged him. “Now I have to shower.” Yoona pulled the cover from him and wrapped it around herself, leaving Nichkhun’s body exposed”

---

Yoona smiled, "We better hurry before Taemin comes asking what's tking me so long."

 

“Yoona smiled, “We better hurry before Taemin comes asking what’s taking me so long”

---

"Weel I am alone...in a relationship if that's what your asking but I'm with friends on a vacation if your asking about that." Tiffany explained.

 

“Well, I’m alone…in a relationship if that’s what you’re asking but I’m with my friends on a vacation if you’re asking about that.” Tiffany explained.

---

"Aye, aye milady," Taemin rolled his eyes. "My names Taemin," he introduced himself.

 

“Aye, aye milady,” Taemin rolled his eyes. “My name’s Taemin,” he introduced himself”

---

"Hello? His the complete package. His got the look, money, charima and the perfect body to play with." Tiffany told Taemin.

 

“Hello? He’s the complete package. He’s got the looks, money, charisma and the perfect body to play with.” Tiffany told Taemin”

---

"I'm Nichkhun, Yoona's boyfriend." Nichkhun shook Donghae's hand and he could feel Donghae gripping his hand tighly that Nichkhun though he was going to crush the bone before he released.

 

““I’m Nichkhun, Yoona’s boyfriend.” Nichkhun shook Donghae’s hand, feeling Donghae gripping his hand tightly as if he was going to crush his hand”

---

Tiffany, Yoona and Taemin watched the two quietly as the twos tension was builted.

"Hey~" Tiffany grabbed Donghae's arm gently. "So what are you doing in Carribean?" she asked.

 

Tiffany, Yoona and Taemin quietly watched the two’s tension building up. “Hey~” Tiffany grabbed Donghae’s arm gently. “So what are you doing in Caribbean?” She asked”

---

"Of course not~ Our Yoona here had braces before and she's mildly fineee." Tiffany smiled.

 

“Of course not~ Our Yoona here had braces before and now she’s mighty fine.” Tiffany smiled”

---

"Just wondering and yes Iwould love to." Donghae answered as he interwinded his fingers with Tiffany's.

 

““Just wondering and yes, I would love to.” Donghae answered and intertwined his fingers with Tiffany’s”

---

Donghae was invisiable to Jaebom and his friends', he was the nerd.

 

Donghae was invisible to Jaebom and his friends since he was just a nerd.

 

YOUR FIRST:

Nichkhun spend the half of the day chasing Taemin who was stealing Yoona from him and dragging her on random rides as if he was Yoona's boyfriend.

Nichkhun was getting sick of Taemin following around and he was irritated because Yoona just goes along with it. She haven't even tried to tell Taemin to back off.

 

“Nickhun spent half of the day chasing after Taemin who, by the way, stole Yoona from him every chance he got, dragging her on random rides as if he was Yoona’s boyfriend.

Nichkhun was getting sick of Taemin following around and he was irritated because Yoona just goes along with it. She hasn’t even tried to tell Taemin to back off”

---

Donghae and Tiffany were having funs too as they followed the hyper energetic Taemin who was running around whild with Yoona.

They stopped to get on the roller coaster once and came down ready to puke.

 

Donghae and Tiffany were having fun too as they followed the hyper, energetic Taemin, who was running around with Yoona.

They stopped to get on the rollercoaster, and when he ride was over, they were all ready to puke”

---

"I don't think Nichkhun had any fun," Tiffany giggled as Nichkhun walked toward them.

 

“I don’t think Nichkhun had fun.” Tiffany giggled as Nickhun walked towards them”

---

"Hey! What happens in Carribean, stays in Carribean! I'm in!" Taemin told them.

 

“Hey! What happens in Caribbean stays in Caribbean! I’m in!” Taemin told them”

---

"Hmm, I haven't thhough of that yet." Donghae smiled shyly.

 

“Hmm, I haven’t thought of that yet.” Donghae smiled shyly”

---

"Alright, say 8ish in my room?" Donghae smiled.

 

“Alright, let’s meet about over 8 PM at my room?” Donghae smiled”

---

"How about we go to your suite instead?" Donghae kissed Tiffan'y neck as he picked her up.

 

“How about we go to your suite instead?” Donghae kissed Tiffany’s neck as he carried her up”

---

Donghae watched her walk in front of him as she ped her jeans and turned to him wearing only her lingeries. She untied her hair and let it lose on her shoulder.

"Tempted?" Tiffany smiled as Donghae threw his shirt off on the ground along with his pants as he pushed Tiffany onto the bed and kissed her belly.

"Yes you are," Donghae grinned as he kissed toward her neck and brought his lips to hers.

 

“Donghae watched her walk in front of him as she ped her jeans and turned to him, wearing only her lingerie. She untied her hair a let it loose on her shoulder.

“Tempting?” Tiffany smiled as Donghae pulled his shirt off and threw it on the ground, along with his pants and he pushed Tiffany onto the bed and kissed her belly.

“Yes, you are.” Donghae grinned as he kissed her on her neck and finally brought his lips on hers”

---

Donghae droved slowly and got out of the car quickly when she felled on the ground.

 

Donghae drove slowly and got out of the car quickly when she fell on the ground”

*Drove & fell are already in past tense so you don’t have to put ‘d’ or ‘ed’*

---

Living alone must be pretty hard, Donghae thought as he got her into ehr room and helped her onto the bed.

 

“Living alone must be pretty hard. Donghae thought as he placed her into her room and helped her onto the bed”

---

"Your cute when you blush," Yoona giggled as she pulled his shirt off.

Donghae was paralized when she took off her short, exposing her body to him.

 

“You’re cute when you blush.” Yoona giggled as she pulled his shirt off.

Donghae was paralyzed when she took of her shorts, exposing her body to him”

---

"Your hot," Yoona smiled. "Why are you hiding behind those glasses?"

 

“You’re hot.” Yoona smiled. “Why are you hiding behind those glasses?”

---

Donghae pulled off his boxer and entered her. Pumping quickly as they breathed hard, he didn't care baout her safey at all; didn't care if he was hurting her or not.

“Donghae pulled his boxers off and entered her. Pumping in quickly as they breathed hard, he didn’t care about her safety at all; he didn’t care if he was hurting her or not.

---

"Lee Donghae, I'm not stupid. I know your the same Donghae from high school." Nichkhun crossed his arms across his chest.

 

“Lee Donghae, I’m not stupid. I know you’re the same Donghae from high school.” Nichkhun crossed his arms across his chest”

---

"Drop the act," Nichkhun glared. "Your the only person I know with that scar between your thumb and index finger. Yeah, I checked it when we shook hands."

 

“Drop the act.” Nichkhun glared at him. “You’re the only person I know with that scar in between your thumb and index finger. I checked it when we shook hands”

---

"Call me what you like, but I'm the one yoona is sleeping with." Nichkhun smirked. "What are you doing here?"

 

“Call me what you like, but I’m the one Yoona is sleeping with.” Nichkhun smirked. “What are you doing here?”

*Remember to always capitalize proper nouns*

---

"You were always stubborn, never taking the hint of back off." Nichkhun pushed him.

"Last time I checked, you were stubborn too. Always trying to keep me away from Yoona. If you were dating her, you should've just told me. I would've backed off, but no; you kept me in the shadow. Playing me like I'm some sort of an instrument." Donghae pushed Nichkhun back.

"For someone whose suppose to be smart, you sure are stupid. Didn't you see the sign? Kingka and Queenka?" Nichkhun pushed Donghae harder.

 

“You were always stubborn, never taking the hint to back off.” Nichkhun pushed him.

“Last time I checked, you were stubborn too. Always trying to keep me away from Yoona… if you were dating her, you should’ve just told me. I would’ve backed off, but no, you kept me in the dark, playing with me like I’m some sort of instrument.” Donghae pushed Nichkhun back.

“For someone who’s supposed to be smart, you sure are stupid. Didn’t you see the signs? Kingka and Queenka?” Nichkhun pushed Donghae harder”

---

"I'm not the same Donghae you sued to know pal." Donghae smirked. "I assume you took Yoona to her room?"

Donghae smirked even more as he opened his door, "Better enjoy the time you ahev left with Yoona, soon her delicious body will be wit hme," Donghae slammed the door shut.

 

“I’m not the same Donghae you used to know pal.” Donghae smirked. “I assume you took Yoona to her room?”

Donghae smirked even more as he opened his door, “Better enjoy the time you have left with Yoona, soon, her delicious body with be mine.” Donghae slammed the door shut”

---

Nichkhun started at the door.

He was right, that is definatly not the Donghae he used to know.

But he was wrong about one thing, he was not going to get rid of him and get Yoona.

Yoona is his and will be for a long time.

 

“Nichkhun stared at the door.

He was right, that is definitely not the Donghae he used to know.

But he was wrong about one thing, he was not going to get rid of him and get Yoona.

Yoona is his and will be his for a very long time.

 

PLACES YOU BELONG IN:

Donghae pulled off his T-shirt and his other clothing he was wearing onto the ground as he made his way toward the bathroom. He stepped inside the shower and turned the water on, letting the hot water run down his body.

 

“Donghae took his shirt off—with all his other clothing—on the ground as he made his way towards the bathroom. He stepped inside the shower and turned the water on, letting the hot water run over his body”

---

Nichkhun was at remembering or putting one thing and another together unless it was about him.

Things have definatly changed.

 

Nichkhun at remembering or putting one thing or another together unless it was something that involves him. Things have definitely changed”

---

He was a user now, a player. This was all beacuse Yoona had broken his heart; he has left of trail of broken hearts of any that has crossed paths with him.

 

“He was a user now, a typical player. This was all because of Yoona—a girl who broke his heart. He’s broken lots of hearts of any girl who crosses his path”

---

He haven't fallen in love after the Yoona incident. He couldn't let himself be brken again.

He didn't make any best friends either, fearing of being backstabbed like Nichkhun has done.

 

“He hasn’t fallen in love with anyone after the incident with Yoona. He couldn’t bear to have himself broken again. He didn’t make any friends either, fearing of being backstabbed like how Nichkhun did”

---

Donghae swallowed as he took a step foreward Yoong and Yoona and Tiffany took a step back.

 

“Donghae swallowed and took a step forward Yoona while the both of them—Yoona and Tiffany—took a step back”

---

Nodding smally, Nichkhhun pulled out a single rose from behind him.

"Im Yoona! Would you please be my girlfriend?!" Donghae asked with his eyes suqeezed shut.

 

Nodding slightly, Nichkhun pulled out a single rose from behind him.

“Im Yoona! Will you be my girlfriend?” Donghae asked with his eyes squeezed shut”

---

"I'll say that you made a huge mistake n asking me that. Beside I already have a boyfriend." Yoona flipped her hair back.

 

“You’ve made a huge mistake asking me that. Besides, I already have a boyfriend.” Yoona flipped her hair over her shoulder”

---

It was his mother's, she gave it to him before she passed away on a cancer.

 

“It was his mother’s. She gave it to him before she passed away from cancer”

---

"Because that nerd trusts me, and I should at least try to act like a decent friend when I tell him I'm with the girl his madly in love with." Nichkhun explained.

"You know, you never actually asked me out. You just took me as your without asking." Yoona crossed her arm across her chest.

 

“Because that nerd trusts me and I should at least try to act like a decent friend when I tell him I’m with the girl he’s madly in love with.” Nichkhun explained.

“You know, you never actually asked me out. You just took me without asking.” Yoona crossed her arms on her chest”

---

"Your so corny," Yoona told him. "Of course!"

 

“You’re so corny.” Yoona told him. “Of course!”

---

Yoona broken him, Nichkhun betrayed him.

 

“Yoona broke him, Nichkhun betrayed him”

---

Paybacks a right?

 

“Payback’s a right?”

---

"Paybacks a Yoona and your going get it very soon." Donghae glared out at the dark.

 

“Payback’s a Yoona and you’re going to get it very soon.” Donghae glared out in the dark”

---

"So did you when you shouldn't be," Yoona dranked the water. "Aunt Lee is going to kill me when she finds out that I let you drink alcahol."

"Hey, I'm old enough now. Alot of people drinks when they are my age, some younger." Taemin told her.

"Whatever, what are you going here?" Yoona askd as she got out of the bed.

 

“So did you when you shouldn’t be drinking.” Yoona drank water. “Aunt Lee is going to kill me when she finds out I let you drink alcohol.”

“Hey! I’m old enough know. A lot of people drink when they reach my age, people younger than me drinks as well.” Taemin told her.

“Whatever, what are you doing here?” Yoona asked him as she got out of bed”

*The word ‘drank’ is already in past tense, you don’t have to add ‘ed’ or ‘d’.*

--

Yoona giggled when she saw that Taemin was blushing at her wearing a oversized T-shirt only.

 

“Yoona giggled when she saw Taemin blushing because of her, clad only in an oversized t-shirt”

---

"Your cheap," Taemin ppouted.

 

“You’re cheap.” Taemin pouted”

---

"Of course it's not," Taemin rolled his eyes but he was definatly agreeing with her.

 

“Of course it’s not.” Taemin rolled his eyes but he was definitely agreeing with her”

---

Taemin made hi way toward Tiffan'ys suite and Yoona made her way toward Nichkhun's when Donghae steeped out of his suite.

 

Taemin made his way towards Tiffany’s suite and Yoona went over at Nichkun’s, when Donghae suddenly stepped out of his suite”

---

Yoona was kind of stunned by Donghae's reaction to her greting. He dissed her!

 

“Yoona was kind of stunned when Donghae reacted to her greeting, he completely dissed her!”

---

"His not in his suite," Donghae told her.

 

“He’s not in his suite.” Donghae told her”

---

"Nichkhun, his not in his suite. I just swunged by to see if his alright from last night's game and he was gone." Donghae answered.

 

“Nichkhun, he’s not in his suite. I just happened to swing by to see if he’s alright from last night’s game and he wasn’t there.” Donghae answered.

---

"Only beacuse your Tiffan'ys best friend and I want to get some info from you," Donghae explained. "And you can determine and see if I'm good enough for her."

 

“Only because you’re Tiffany’s best friend and I want to get some info from you.” Donghae explained. “And, you can determine and see if I’m good enough for her”

---

"Yeah I don, but Nichkhun isn't really that smart." Yoona told him.

"Does Tiffany have any hobbirs?" Donghae asked as they got off the elavator and went to get something to eat and see if Nichkhun was there.

 

“Yeah I don’t, but Nichkhun isn’t really that smart.” Yoona told him.

“Does Tiffany have any hobbies?” Donghae asked as they got off the elevator, wanting to grab something to eat and to check out if Nichkhun was around”

---

Donghae nodded, "I like singing and dancing too, listening must also. My best feature would have to be my smile and I hate snakes." Donghae smiled. "I work out and I'm very athletic, I'm easy to get along with and," Donghae placed a bacon and egg on his plate and poured a orange juice on his cup. "I love breakfast."

 

Donghae nodded. “I like singing and dancing too, listening to music too. The best thing about me would have to be my smile and I hate snakes.” Donghae smiled. “I work out a lot and I’m very athletic. I’m someone you can easily get along with and,” Donghae placed some bacon and an egg on his plate, pouting orange juice in his cup, “I love breakfast.”

---

"So your with him beacuse everyone says you guys look good together; Looks."

 

“So you’re with him because everyone says you guys look good together?”

---

"Do you ahve a boyfriend or a Gold retriever?" Donghae chuckled.

 

“Do you have a boyfriend or a golden retriever?” Donghae chuckled”

---

donghae slowly leaned toward Yoona, "I hate cats." he chuckled.

 

“Donghae slowly leaned in towards Yoona. “I hate cats.” He chuckled”

---

Donghae watchd her.

 

“Donghae watched her”

---

"You didn't answer when I knocked so I assumed you were gone. I'm sorry if I was wrong." Donghae aologized.

 

“You didn’t answer when I knocked so I assumed you were gone, I’m sorry if I got that wrong.” Donghae apologized”

---

Nichkhun quickly pulled up a chair next to Yoona and gave Taemin a look who was about to seat.

 

“Nichkhun quickly pulled a chair next to Yoona and gave Taemin a look”

---

"I'm not so sure," Yoona told him. "What if; wait, why do you care if his here?"

"His here for revenge," Nichkhun told her.

 

“I’m not so sure.” Yoona told him. “What if, wait, why do I care if he’s here?”

“He’s here for revenge.” Nichkhun told her”

---

"Your over Yoona?" she asked him and he nodded.

 

“You’re over Yoona?” She asked him and he nodded”

---

"Nichkhun knows who I am and Iknow  his going to try and get rid of me, even by lying. I can't let that happen Tiffany." he told her. "Try to reason with my former best friend please?"

"Of course I will." Tiffany smiled as she noticed Yoona and Nichkhun heading toward the,.

 

“Nichkhun knows who I am and I know he’s going to try and get rid of me. I can’t let that happen Tiffany.” He told her. “Try to reason out with my former best friend, please?”

“Of course I will.” Tiffany smiled as she noticed Yoona and Nichkhun heading towards them.

---

"I know his Donghae from high school Yoona," Tiffany told them. "But that's in the past. Don't you think we should move on and forget the past"

 

“I know he’s Donghae from high school, Yoona.” Tiffany told them. “But that’s all in the past. Don’t you think we should move and forget the past?”

---

"I letted that grudge go along time ago Yoona, you just didn't notice." Tiffany told her. "Past should be left behind."

"Tiffany, do you really want to be with the guy whose in love with someone else?" Nichkhun asked.

"His not in love with someone else." Tiffany told him.

"Fany, his in love with Yoona and his using you to get revenge on Yoona and I," Nichkhun told her.

"Stop lying Nichkhun, he said his over Yoona and wants me." Tiffany spoke.

"Your going to believe that lie?!" Nichkhhun let out a scoff. "Tiff, you knew me longer than him. Who are you going to believe? Me or him?"

"Isn't that answer obvious?" Tiffany held Donghae's hand. "Your a lier Nichkhun, I believe Donghae."

Nichkhun let out a exasperate sigh and turned to Yoona for help.

 

“I let that grudge go a long time ago Yoona, you just didn’t notice.” Tiffany told her. “The past should be left behind.”

“Tiffany, do you really want to be with this guy, who’s in love with someone else?” Nichkhun asked.

“He’s not in love with someone else.” Tiffany told him.

“Fany, he’s in love with Yoona and he’s using you to get revenge on Yoona and I.” Nichkhun told her.

“Stop lying Nichkhun, he said he’s over Yoona and he wants me.” Tiffany said.

“You’re going to believe that lie?” Nichkhun let out a scoff. “Tiff, you knew me longer than him. Who are you going to believe in, me or him?”

“Isn’t that answer obvious?” Tiffany held Donghae’s hand. “You’re a liar Nichkhun. I believe in Donghae.”

Nichkhun let out an exasperated sigh and turned to Yoona for help”

---

Tiffany bite the bottom of her lips. "Yoona, I'm going to believe you of course, but Nichkhun is lying." Tiffany told her. "Why should I believe a guy whose been lying to his girlfriend?"

 

“Tiffany bit her bottom lip. “Yoona, I’m going to believe you of course, but Nichkhun is lying.” Tiffany told her. “Why should I believe a guy who’s been lying to his girlfriend?”

---

"You know how Nichkhun went abroad with Jessica Jung for his study in culinary?" Tiffany started. "Well it happens to be that Victoria was there, a friend of Jessica's dongsaeng Krystal. Apprently Victoria and Nichkhun had a his tory before hemet you."

 

“You know the time when Nichkhun went abroad with Jessica Jung to study for his culinary course?” Tiffany started, “well, it happens to be that Victoria was there too—a friend of Jessica’s sister, Krystal—and apparently, Victoria and Nichkhun had a story together before he met you”

---

"So what if Victoria and I knew each other? We went out a couple of times but I ended with her when I met you." Nichkhun told her. "What happened abroad wasn;t my fault."

"than whose was it?" Yoona turned to him.

"Fine, you want the truth? Here it is, Victoria was happy to see me and we were both drunk when she kissed me, it was a mistake."

 

“So what if Victoria and I knew each other? We went out a couple of times but I ended my ties with her when I met you.” Nichkhun told her. “What happened abroad wasn’t my fault.”

“Then whose fault was it?” Yoona turned to him.

“Fine, you want the truth? Here it is, Victoria was happy to see me and we were both drunk when she kissed me, it was a mistake”

---

"Me a liar? I think we just astablished that your the liar Nichkhun. You cheated on your girlfriend big time and now, your trying to ruin my relationship with Tiffany." Donghae frowned.

 

“Me, a liar? I think we just established that you’re the liar, Nichkhun. You cheated on your girlfriend big time and now, you’re trying to ruin my relationship with Tiffany.” Donghae frowned.

---

"Wheres Yoona noona?" Taemin asked.

 

“Where’s Yoona noona?” Taemin asked”

---

Wit hthat Taemin walked away.

"If I were you, I start moving," Donghae whispered to Nichkhun before walking away.

Donghae smiled, everyone is slowly moving toward there places and his ahead of his scheedual.

Nichkhun, it's amatter of time before Yoona comes crawling toward me; Donghae smiled.

 

“With that, Taemin walked away.

“If I were you, I’d start moving.” Donghae whispered to Nichkhun before walking away.

Donghae smiled, everything is slowly coming together.

Nichkhun, in a matter of time, Yoona will come crawling to me. Donghe smiled”

 

MIANHAE:

"I'm not trying to be unloyal or not care for you, but Donghae has changed!" Tiffany told her.

 

“I’m not trying to be disloyal or to not care for you, but Donghae has changed!” Tiffany told her”

---

"I shouldn't have sad anything." Tiffany looked away.

 

“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Tiffany looked away”

---

Tiffany watched her best friend turn back and walking away.

 

“Tiffany watched her best friend turn her back, walking away”

---

Yoona carried some kind of pressure on her shoulder, she didn't know how to describe it, but just by adding this stress onto it made her feel like she had enough.

 

Yoona carried some kind of burden on her shoulders, she didn’t know how to deserve it but just by adding this stress onto her made her feel like she’s had enough”

---

"Nichkhun doesn't know a ." Donghae turned to her with a cold expression. "I lied for a good reason, but he lied to cover up his cheating ."

 

“Nichkhun doesn’t know .” Donghae turned to her with a cold expression. “I lied for a good reason, but he lied to cover up his cheating ”

---

"Screw what Nichkhun thinks," Donghae threw his hands in the air. "His full of bull and you should know that by now, he cheated on you."

 

“Screw what Nichkhun thinks.” Donghae threw his hands in the air. “He’s full of bull and you should know that by now, he cheated on you”

---

"You can't seriously be listening to his rubbish?" Donghae scoffed as he stood. "Nichkhhun and I have been...friend-ish on my perspective we were. I know him, his a hypocrite."

 

“You can’t be seriously listening to his rubbish?” Donghae scoffed as he stood up. “Nichkhun and I have been, kind-of friends—well, in my perspective. And I know him and he’s a hypocrite”

---

"Your strong," Donghae spoke.

 

“You’re strong.” Donghae spoke

---

Now he can focus on getting Yoona to fall in love with him so he ca get his sweet revenge.

 

Now, he can focus on getting Yoona to fall in love with him so he can get his sweet revenge”

---

"So you drank alcohol." Yoona stuck her tongue out at him as they continued to walk.

She need something to get her minds off of things, some drinks might help.

 

“So? You drank alcohol!” Yoona stuck her tongue out at him as they continued to walk. She needed something to get her mind off of things, some drinks might help”

---

Yoona giggled as she pulled the guy name Chansung up from his sit and on to the dance floor where they danced.

 

“Yoona giggled as she pulled the guy named Chansung up from his seat and onto the dance floor where they danced”

---

"I'm gunna go to the restroom," Donghae whispered into Tiffany's ear and headed for the loo, but he changed his course and went out the backdoor where Yoona sneak out to.

 

“I’m going to go to the restroom.” Donghae whispered into Tiffany’s ear and headed for the bathroom, but he changed his course and went out the backdoor where Yoona sneaked out to”

---

He slided his hand underneath Yoona's skirt and kissed her neck.

 

He slid his hand underneath Yoona’s skirt and kissed her neck”

 

ANOTHER 3 YEARS LATER:

"Does this Im Yoona, do you think she will help you? You and I very well know that it doesn't matter."

"That was out agreement," Donghae raised his voice in a dangerous tone. "If I find a person I truly love to marry me back, than out arranged marriage is invalid."

 

“Im Yoona? Do you think she will help you? You and I know very well that it doesn’t matter.”

“That was our agreement.” Donghae raised his voice in a dangerous tone. “If I find a person I truly love to marry me, then our arrangement will be discontinued”

---

Donghae stared at her. "I don't like the fact of marrying anyone right now, I don't love anyone to." his tone turned dangerously icy.

"Than how is she going to be your loophole Donghae?" Eunjung asked calmly.

 

Donghae stared at her. “I don’t like the idea of marrying someone right now, I don’t love anyone too.” His tone turned dangerously icy.

“Then how is she going to be your loophole Donghae?” Eunjung asked calmly”

---

She wasn't afraid, not of Donghae since she's used to being around him when his angry.

She wasn’t afraid of Donghae, since she’s used to being around him when he’s angry”

---

"No, just deceive my parents and yours enough to let them drop the whole arrange marriage ." Donghae answered.

"Your heartless." Eunjung spoke as she followed him.

 

“No, I just want to deceive both our parents enough to let them drop the whole arrange marriage .” Donghae answered.

“You’re heartless.” Eunjung spoke as she followed him”

---

"Whose he?" Eunjung asked.

 

“Who’s he?” Eunjung asked”

---

"Your friend-ing her friends?"

 

“You’re befriending her friends?”

---

"I came here to see you, you jerk! What else am I gunna go?" Eunjung smacked Donghae on the arm.

 

“I came here to see you, you jerk!” What else am I going to do?” Eunjung smacked Donghae on the arm”

---

"The new CEO is the old CEO's son." Tiffany repeated. "And speaking of the new CEO, his here."

 

“The new CEO is the old CEO’s son.” Tiffany repeated. “And speaking of the new CEO, he’s here.”

---

It's been three years since Yoona left the Carribean without any word.

 

“It’s been three years since Yoona left the Caribbean without any word”

---

She founded a job at a fashion company and has been living pretty well-with a new roommate, Yuri who is her colleague.

 

She found a job at a fashion company and has been living pretty well, with a new roommate, Yuri, who is her colleague”

---

"Now pleas continue to work, I would love to get daily report on every ones progress on my desk pronto." he turned away. "Oh and another thing, if you don't belong in this department please return to where you are needed immediately." he glanced at Tiffany who watched him in wide mouth.

 

“Now please continue working, I would love to get your daily report about everyone’s progress on my desk, pronto.” He turned away. “Oh, and one more thing, if you don’t belong in this department, then please return to where you are needed immediately.” He glanced at Tiffany, who watched him in shock”

---

"Good," Yoona looked t her feets. "Good."

 

“Good,” Yoona looked at her feet. “Good.”

---

"Being in your position you'll have to charm your partners and not to mention that you'll be doing alot of public speaking."

"Don't worry," Donghae stared at her. "Alot can happen to a person in 6 years."

 

“Being in your position, you’ll have to charm your partners and not to mention, you’ll be doing a lot of public speaking.”

“Don’t worry.” Donghae stared at her. “A lot can happen to a person in 6 years.”

---

She hadn't paid attention to him 3 years ago, but now that she's looking at him she could see that his really handsome.

Those dark caramel eyes, handsome chiseled face, dark eyebrows, soft looking raven black hair, straight and defined nose, soft yet mysteriously holding a smirk of lips.

 

She hadn’t paid attention to him 3 years ago, but now that she’s looking at him, she could tell that he’s really handsome.

Those dark caramel eyes, chiseled face, dark eyebrows, soft looking raven black hair, a straight and defined nose and a soft yet mysteriously smirk he has plastered on his face”

---

He felt pained the day Yoona left the Carribean without another word.

 

“He felt pained the day Yoona left Caribbean without another word”

---

He smiled kindly. "I'm look for Mr. Lee Donghae”?

 

“He smiled kindly, “Hi, I’m looking for Mr. Lee Donghae?”

---

"Oh, wheres my manner, sorry." he chuckled. "My name is Jang Wooyoung, the actor."

 

“Oh, where are my manners? Sorry.” He chuckled. “My name is Jang Wooyoung, the actor”

 

CHAPTER OO6:

"Well it didn't took you long to kiss all over me and putting your meat hands inside my shirt." Yoona frowned.

 

“Well, it didn’t take long for you to kiss me all over, putting your hands inside my shirt.” Yoona frowned”

---

"Yoona, ever since you left the Carribean you haven't been the same. Why did you come back here?" Nichkhun asked.

 

“Yoona, ever since you left the Caribbean, you haven’t been the same. Why did you come back here?”

---

"Your kicking me out?" Nichkhun asked her. "I'm your boyfriend!"

 

“You’re kicking me out?” Nichkhun asked her. “I’m your boyfriend!”

---

"The feelings mutual buddy." Donghae spoke.

Nichkhun let out a laugh. "What? Just because your all hot stuff now you think your better than me? Your a loser, you have been and you will always be."

 

“The feeling’s mutual buddy.” Donghae spoke.

Nichkhun let out a laugh. “What? Just because you’re all hot now you think you’re better than me? You’re a loser and you’ll always be one.”

---

Please tell me I'm not falling for his Casanova, Yoona thought.

 

“Please tell me I’m not for this Casanova. Yoona thought”

---

"Don't deny it when I say this." Donghae spoke. "But your falling for me aren't you Im Yoona?"

 

“Don’t deny it when I say this.” Donghae spoke. “But you’re falling for me, aren’t you Yoona?”

---

"Save your 'Did it hurt when you fell from heaven-are you from Tennessee because your the ten I see- crappy pick up lines for the next sadass ." Yoona rolled her eyes.

 

“Save your ‘Did it hurt when you fell from heaven…’ and ‘are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the ten I see’ crappy pick-up lines for the next …” Yoona rolled her eyes”

---

"Than don't roll your eyes at me." Donghae grinned as he slowly touched her waist.

 

“Then don’t roll your eyes on me.” Donghae grinned as he slowly touched her waist”

---

Donghae sudden;y found himself slowly bringing his lips closer to Yoona's.

 

“Donghae suddenly found himself slowly bringing his lips closer to Yoona’s”

---

"Nichkhun us outside because I knocked him out with this." Yoona lied the frying pan down on the table. "Donghae just explained why he was here and I am not red." Yoona replied.

"Oh your red alright, red as the juicy tomato." Yuri told her.

 

“Nichkhun was outside because I knocked him out with this…” Yoona laid the frying pan down on top of the table.

“Donghae just explained why he was here and I’m not red.” Yoona replied.

“Oh you’re red alright, red as a juicy tomato.” Yuri told her”

---

"I'm going to find out your little secret! I'm gunna get you my pretty!! And your little dog too!" Yuri shouted.

 

“I’m going to find your little secret! I’m going to get you, my pretty! And your little dog too!” Yuri shouted”

---

Tiffany peaked outside to find Wooyoung smoking.

 

“Tiffany peeked outside to find Wooyoung smoking”

---

"You gatta do what you gatta do to keep the stress away." Wooyoung spoke.

 

“You got to do what you got to do to keep the stress away.” Wooyoung spoke”

---

His...better.

 

“He’s… better”

 

CHAPTER OO7:

"Why if I'm not mistaking, Im Yoona are you checking me out?" Yuri smiled coyly.

 

“Why? If I’m not mistaken, Yoona, were you checking me out?” Yuri smiled coyly”

---

Yoona raised an eyebrow as she looked at Yongguk than at Yuri who has a cresten fallen face.

 

Yoona raised an eyebrow as she looked at Yongguk then at Yuri who had a crest fallen face”

---

"I kinda had to haha my manager insisted." Tiffany shurgged her shoulder.

 

“I kind of had to…” Tiffany laughed, “my manager insisted.” Tiffany shrugged her shoulders”

---

Donghae looked at her questioningly as he noticed Yoona.

"Your here," he quickly stood up and cleared his throat. "About time, I thought you guys wouldn't come." he looked away.

 

“Donghae looked at her questioningly as he noticed Yoona.

“You’re here.” He quickly stood up and cleared his throat. “About time, I thought you guys wouldn’t come.” He looked away”

---

Donghae looked up just in time to see Yoona sneaking away. Curisoity quickly took it's place in his head.

 

“Donghae looked up just in time to see Yoona sneaking away. Curiosity quickly took its place in his head”

---

"I'm highly offended that you came out of the part just to talk to your boyfriend." Donghae frowned a little. "Your meeting up with him?" he asked as he held her phone to show her her text. "Might as well tell him that your not coming because your not."

"And what makes you say that?" Yoona scoffed. "Your not my boyfriend, you have no control over me."

 

“I’m highly offended that you came out of the party just to talk to your boyfriend.” Donghae frowned a little. “You’re meeting up with him?” He asked as he held her, her phone to show her, her text. “Might as well tell him that you’re not coming because… you’re not.”

“And what makes you say that?” Yoona scoffed. “You’re not my boyfriend, you have no control over me.”

---

She couldn't say she love Nichkhun because to be honest, she didn't really know if she did.

 

“She couldn’t say that she loves Nichkhun because, to be honest, she didn’t really know if she did”

---

"Than who am I in love with Sherlock?" Yoona rolled her eyes.

 

“Then, who am I in love, Sherlock?” Yoona rolled her eyes”

---

"Your in love with..."

 

“You’re in love with…”

 

CHAPTER OO8:

Donghae slowly opened his yes and gave her a small smile.

 

“Donghae slowly opened his eyes and gave her a small smile”

---

"This thing? I don't think so since it intruppted our little moment." Donghae hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her close. "So where were we?" Donghae started to lean in when Yoona stepped on his feet and quickly backed away.

 

“This thing? I don’t think so, since it interrupted our little moment.” Donghae hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her close. “So, where were we?” Donghae started to lean in when Yoona stepped on his feet and quickly backed away”

---

Donghae quickly follwed her in as the music blasted.

 

“Donghae quickly followed her in as the music blasted”

---

"What iwould you have done if I never came?!"

 

“What would you do if I never came?”

---

His sick and it's all my fault, Yoona sighed as she poured the soup into the bowl and carried it in to the room.

 

“He’s sick and it’s my entire fault. Yoona sighed as she poured some soup in a bowl and carried it in the room”

---

Smiling a little Yoona moved the soup to the table and lied beside him on the bed.

 

“Smiling a little, Yoona moved the soup on the table and laid beside him on the bed”

---

"… your beautiful, your sweet and kind; your smart and talented, I adore you big smile, your deer like eyes, your giggles, your some times lame joke and your killer body but it's not your body I'm in love with….”

“… are help you along the way; your independent and that is the quality I love about you. I don't know why you left the Carribean, I thought you left because you were mad at me about what happened between me and Victoria.

“…inoppritate ways. I didn't look at her like like I look at you, I know this may sound like an excuse but it's the truth. I'm sorry for what I have done, I should have told you the moment I came back or the moment it had happened; but I was to blinded and too stupid to think that you wounldn't find out. You don't have to belive or trust me..."

 

“…you’re beautiful, you’re sweet and kind, you’re smart and talented. I adore your big smile, your deer-like eyes, your giggles, your lame jokes and your killer body, but it’s not your body I’m in love with”

“…to help you along the way. You’re independent and that is the quality I love about you. I don’t know why you left Caribbean, I thought you left because you were mad about what happened between me and Victoria…”

“…inappropriate ways. I didn’t look at her the way I look at you, I know this may sound like an excuse but it’s the truth. I’m sorry for what I have done, I should have told you the moment I came back or the moment it happened, but I was so blinded and too stupid to think that you wouldn’t find out. You don’t have to believe or trust me…”

---

“…she wont be able to affoard anything for herself...that new project was suppose to save us, help us get back on our feet... They took everything from me, my house, my mother...everything..I have nothing left Nichkhun..nothing..."

 

“…she won’t be able to afford anything for herself. That new project was supposed to save us, help us get back on our feet. They took everything away from me. My house, my mother… everything. I have nothing left, Nichkhun, nothing…”

---

"You have me," he whispered as he held her in his embrace. "You have me and Tiffany, Yuri and Taemin. Your not alone baby.."

 

“You have me,” he whispered as he held her in his embrace, “you have me, Tiffany, Yuri and Taemin… you’re not alone baby.”

---

It hurted...her mother was gone and Yooan regreted everything she said bad to her.

 

“It hurts… her mother was gone and Yoona regretted every bad thing she’s told her”

---

"…she told me to stay with her..and I yelled at her...I told her 'I can do whatever I want and whenever I want to.' I slammed the door in her face and called her a uptight ..." Yoona cried. "That was my last word to her...I wish I can take it back..."

 

“…she told me to stay with her and I yelled at her. I told her: ‘I can do whatever I want and whenever I want to’, then I slammed the door in her face and called her an uptight …” Yoona cried. “Those were my last words to her; I wish I can take it back.”

 

CHAPTER OO9:

She closed the door behind her quietly as she shuffled her feets towards the livingroom, stretching her arms and stiffling a yawn.

 

“She closed the door behind her quietly, as she shuffled her feet towards the living room, stretching her arms and stifling a yawn”

---

Yoona wondered if Yuri stayed at someone elses house as she digged through her purse and pulled out her phone.

 

“Yoona wondered if Yuri stayed at someone else’s house as she dug through her purse and pulled out her phone”

---

"Well I heard that she'll clear all of her schedual if you bring her some jjajangmyun." Yoona smiled.

 

“Well, I heard that she’ll clear all her schedules if you bring her some jjajangmyun.” Yoona smiled”

---

"Busy, busy, busy; doing a lot of work and going on a lot of dates." Taemin nodded as he walked into teh kitchen and sat the bowl down.

 

“Busy, busy, busy… doing a lot of work and going on a lot of dates.” Taemin nodded as he walked into the kitchen and put the bowl down”

---

"… but I had to admin, it was pretty funny because you see what happened was that when Daehyun and I went to the frat house it was already pumping with loud music and smoking hot girls dancing and all, some of them I have to say seemed like bunch of s because they were practically grinding against the wall..literally, not guys but the wall and the door. Do you know how awkward it was for me to pass by them to get in? It was so awkward, anyways; we went in and these guys stared at us, maybe thought we were the 'fresh meat' and we were I guess, and than Daehyun's friends came over and his friend Himchan dared me to do something..."

 

“…but I had to admit, it was pretty funny because you see, what happened was that Daehyun and attended the frat party and it was already pumping with loud music and smoking hot girls were dancing and some of them—I have to say—seemed like a bunch of s because they were practically grinding against that wall, literally. Not guys, but the walls and the doors… do you know how awkward it was for me to pass by them to get in? It was so awkward! But anyways, we went in and these guys stared at us, maybe they thought we were ‘fresh meat’ and we were, I guess, and then Daehyun’s friends came over and his friend Himchan dared me to do something…”

---

"… his all cool and what not. I was like 'do not make eye contact, do not make eye contact' and than he spoke, he was like 'Hey pretty lady, how you dooooing?' with a high pitch at the end accent! I was like 'Dude what the ? Your in college, don't speak like your some idiotic retard whose high on dope!”

 

“…hells on loose because they were throwing bottles at us." Taemin fake sobbed. "Noona it was horrible!"

 

“…he’s all cool and whatnot. I was like ‘do not make eye contact, do not make eye contact’ and then he spoke, he was like: ‘Hey pretty lady, how you dooooing?’ with a high pitch and accent. I was like: ‘Dude, what the ? You’re in college, you don’t speak like some idiotic retard whose high on dope!”

 

“…hell’s on the loose because they were throwing bottles at us.” Taemin faked sobbed. “Noona, it was horrible!”

---

"Your still with him?" Taemin asked.

 

“You’re still with him?” Taemin asked.

---

"Nichkhun hyung, your still with him?" Taemin repeated the question.

 

“Nichkhun hyung, you’re still with him?” Taemin repeated the question”

---

"Yup! Maybe one day I'll introduced you both...or maybe not; I don't want you to fall in love with him and have to chose between either going with moi or him." Taemin chuckled.

 

“Yup! Maybe one day, I’ll introduce you both or maybe not. I don’t want you to fall in love with him and have to choose between either going with me or him.” Taemin chuckled.

 

CHAPTER O10:

At the sound of her name the hairs on the back of her neck stood, the voice; Yoona turning her head, belong to Eunjung.

 

“At the sound of her name, the hairs on the back of her neck stood, the voice—Yoona turned her head—belonged to Eunjung”

---

"Yes?" Yoona stared at her as she remembered seeing her back in Carribean.

"If your not busy, I was wondering if I can have a word with you." Eunjung smiled.

 

“Yes?” Yoona stared at her as she remembered seeing her back in Caribbean.

“If you’re not busy, I was wondering if I can have a word with you.” Eunjung smiled”

---

Eunjung glanced at her as Yoona, "You must be wondering why I pulled you out of work."

 

“Eunjung glanced at Yoona. “You must be wondering why I pulled you out of work”

---

"I should right? But I guess I'm afraid of confrontation with him...you may not see and he may not realize it either but I can see that he has feelings for you." Eunjung looked at Yoona. "Your stringing him along and I beg of ou, just let him go."

 

“I should right? But I guess I’m afraid of confronting him… you may not see it and he may not realize it either, but I can see that he has feelings for you.” Eunjung looked at Yoona. “You’re stringing him along and I bed of you, just let him go”

---

"You can keep denying it but I know there is something. Let him go, before both of you get hurt." Eunjung gripped her drink.

 

“You can keep denying it, but I know there is something. Let him go, before the both of you get hurt.” Eunjung gripped on her drink”

---

“…better to work with your ability but just not here. I don't want to se Donghae's eyes wandering towards you when I'm in fron of him."

 

“…a better workplace with your abilities but just not here. I don’t want to see Donghae’s eyes wandering around you when I’m in front of him”

---

Yoona's mouth dropped agap as Eunjung walked away, leaving cold breeze brush up again Yoona.

 

“Yoona’s mouth dropped agape as Eunjung walked away, leaving a cold breeze brush up at Yoona”

---

Nichkhun sat on the couch as Yuri brough him a hot tea and sat down next to him, pulling her legs against her chest.

 

“Nichkhun sat on the couch as Yuri brought him hot tea and sat down next to him, pulling her legs against her chest”

---

"Are you sure your okay?" Yuri asked.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Yuri asked”

---

He still couldn't get over the fact that Yoona would stood him over for Donghae.

"If your thinking about Yoona and Donghae, don't." Yuri told him. "I don't know what their history but it's not like Yoona would leave you for him right?"

 

“He still couldn’t get over the fact that Yoona would stand him up for Donghae.

If you’re thinking about Yoona and Donghae; don’t.” Yuri told him. “I don’t know what their history is but it’s not like Yoona would leave you for him, right?”

---

"No, tell me." Nichkhun sat the cup down

 

“No, tell me.” Nichkhun put the cup down”

---

"Yuri if you know something is up please tell me." Nichkhun grabbed her wrist and squeezed.

 

“Yuri, if you know something is up… then please tell me.” Nichkhun grabbed her wrist and squeezed it”

---

"If I was you, I wouldn't just be sitting here." she edged a little closer to him. "Although Yoona is my friend and roommate, she's being unfaithful to you. I guess I was wrong... maybe she might leave you for him."

 

“If I were you, I wouldn’t be just sitting here.” She edged a little closer to him. "Although Yoona is my friend and roommate, she's being unfaithful to you. I guess I was wrong... maybe she might leave you for him."

---

Yuri bite her bottom lips as she lightly touched his arm. "Look, I know how you must be feeling."

 

“Yuri bit her bottom lip as she lightly touched his arm. “Look, I know you must be feeling”

---

Yuri smiled against the kiss and played her tongue with his as she ran her hand down his chest, but then suddenly Nichkhun bite her tongue and pushed her off.

 

Yuri smiled against the kiss and played her tongue with his as she ran her hand down his chest, but then suddenly Nichkhun bit her tongue and pushed her off”

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From outside she bite the bottom of her lips as she quickly made her way away from teh storage room, Yoona's voice becoming more distinct.

 

“From the outside, she bit her bottom lip as she quickly made her way from the storage room, Yoona's voice becoming more distinct”

 

Bonus Points: 2 points

Grading scale: 8 + 7 + 8 + 19 + 15 + 5 + 1 + 2 = 65/100 (65%)

+ Comments, suggestions & advice: You kind of had a lot of grammatical errors but it’s okay since all of us here in Asianfanfics aren’t really experts in these kinds of stuff. But I suggest you to work on Microsoft Word and not directly on Asianfanfics because working or making your chapters on Word can help you see if your punctuations are right or if your grammar is right. And your spelling for ‘Caribbean’ is wrong, it isn’t double r but a double b.

♥ Praises: “Putting aside your grammatical errors, this story is thrilling and kind of nerve-wrecking, you’ll never know what’ll happen next and to add up to that, you’re the author of one of my favorite and first stories I’ve ever read her in Asianfanfics which is ‘Hired Boyfriend(s)’. So please keep up the good work!”

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