Push, Play, Rewind by asianswagg
Story Title: Push, Play, Rewind
Story Author: asianswagg
Reviewer: gidibuboo
Title: [5/5]
The title itself, in my opinion, is unique in its own way. It catches a reader’s attention upon first look because its meaning has many possibilities. For example, I assumed the story would involve record tapes at some point where as my friend guessed it would be about movies. I believe these ‘open possibilities’ makes the title a quite nice one, seeing as it reels people in.
Description/Foreword: [3/10]
To be honest, your description was a bit of a turn off for me. Though it did depict what was to happen in the first chapter, I believe a description should give a bit of background knowledge on the main character(s); especially when there isn't a foreword to follow. Without this basic background knowledge, a reader may be confused at first by a main character’s personality or background.
Though you don’t have an actual foreword on the story, I do thank you for putting all the credits and your author’s note in there rather than the description. Quite a few people confuse the description and foreword when creating a story but clearly you did not.
Characterization: [2/15]
To be perfectly honest with you, there isn’t much characterization happening throughout the story. The two main characters, Jonghyun and Key, do not have a definite personality just yet besides the fact they obviously believe they’re heteroual. I believe the cause of that is the fact description is lacking from your sentences and if you were to draw them out with more details, more characterization would appear. Why? Well, to put it simply, the smallest details about a person reveal more about their personality and writer needs to use that to their advantage. Instead of using ‘he said’ or ‘she yelled’, try using something like ‘he replied with a faint smile’ or ‘she shrieked in a manner that…’ Adding a bit of description goes a long way.
A few things, however, appeared fairly odd in my eyes while reading this. For example, I found it strange that Jonghyun would check Key out or even kiss him without it being scripted when Jonghyun said himself that he wasn't the least bit homoual. I also thought the fact Jonghyun seemed extremely playful with Key whereas he was fairly skeptical of Minho to be a bit off. A man would be more open a playful with their best friend after all, as opposed to someone they barely even know. An easy way to fix these things would be to make a character checklist; it would help you to put together a clear personality for certain characters rather than having to remember certain details each time you write. Plus, they can be found easily within the writing community due to the fact many authors use them to make sure they cover key character-traits.
Due to the stated things, I will give the story a two out-of fifteen for characterization; the two being earned from establishing the characters’ social standing and crowd as well as their uality.
Creativity/Plot: [10/15]
I've seen this plot a few times; two guys who believe they are straight meet each other due to circumstances and soon find themselves falling for each other. The fact they are both actors does help make the plot less cliché but that doesn't mean it’s completely original. The best advice I can give you is to not let the story fall into some type of predictable pattern; try and change it up a few times and see how your readers take it.
Flow: [7/15]
I feel as if you’re rushing the progression of the story a bit too quickly for it to develop properly and it’s taking toll on Jonghyun and Key’s relationship. It seems as if the two are just being thrown together continuously rather than letting them make decisions as they want and having their paths cross; this causes them to look unnatural as well as have a relationship that honestly seems too forced. My advice for you would be to slow down a bit and think about what you have left; then plan. Keep a few things up your sleeve for later use and add a few turns here and there to make the plot look like its flowing in a certain direction.
Genre: [3/5]
The story is tagged with at the moment and, though there is none as if now in the story, I can clearly see it coming up very soon. Besides that, I think the romance tag would be adequate for this story, seeing as it does contain quite a bit of it.
Grammar/Spelling: [9/20]
There are a lot of grammar issues within this story and honestly, most of them can be solved by using Microsoft Word or any type of program similar to it. Despite this, I believe it is important that I point out a few things regarding grammar.
Firstly, it is not wise to attempt to use different tenses while writing. For example; ‘Daeho stops suddenly in his tracks and stared at the ground.’ Stops and stared are I two different tenses; stops is present while stared is past. Mixing past and present tense causes quite a bit of confusion to the reader; therefore making it a good an idea to check what tense to use before beginning to write.
Another mistake I found throughout the chapters was unneeded capitalization. When writing speech that continues after an action, there is a certain way to do it. For example, ‘”I can’t say.” Was all Daeho said.’ Is not written correctly because there is no comma after say. The comma is needed to show that the following words connect to the speech. Therefore, the correct way to write it would be, ‘”I can’t say,” was all Daeho said.’ or even‘”I can’t say,” was all Daeho mumbled as he avoided his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend’s eyes.’
Lastly, there were a few simple spelling errors here and there. I suggest reading over the chapter a few times before publishing it just to remove as many of these mistakes as possible.
Writing Style: [1/5]
Starting from the first sentence, I could immediately tell what your writing style was; simplistic. Most non-pro writers tend to use this style as well and this causes you, as an author, to also have no distinct voice within the story that claims it as yours. Don’t be offended by this fact, for it takes a good amount of writing and practice to find your voice as well as change your writing style. A person can’t change themselves in a day after all.
I would suggest first attempting to add description to your story to give it a bit more background as well as stability; this will be the beginning of your ‘voice’ appearing in your works. Second would be to go out and read a few pieces under the same tag as your own that are considered well-written; this will help grasp a better concept of what you are writing and also may expand your vocabulary. Finally, I would advise you to try writing frequently as this will not only keep what you learn fresh in mind but also keep ideas flowing constantly.
Enjoyment: [4/5]
I enjoyed the story a lot though it might now show in the review. Yes, there were a number of things that made me stop and stare for a bit as well as times where I was just plain confused, but that didn't stop me from enjoying a handful of conversations that occurred within. The only thing I will advise you to do about this would be to have the amusing parts incorporated with the actual plot so they don’t appear to be random or unnecessary.
Total Score: 44/100
Overall, I think this story has a really high potential but seems to be lacking the required structure. If worked on for a bit, I’m sure it will have a very nice outcome as well as capture many readers while progressing.
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