Story Title: Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life for Me
Story Author: Kakurine039
Reviewer: -kaara

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Title (3/5)

At first glance, I would have thought that your story was a crack fiction! But with the help of your Description on how your story relates to the title, it pulled me right into the story. ‘Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate’s Life for Me’ is a simple yet long title and please excuse me for saying this but Oh Lord it is such a mouthful! It showcases how normal it is and people may view you as an amateur.

Nevertheless, a title is only a mask that hides the true gold behind it. The title fits the story well and I must say it prompted me to read on because with one seep of that title of yours, I had a growing hunch that comedy is never far behind. But please take note that most readers prefer shorter title with a deep message engraved somewhere in its depths— and because it sounds interesting, they click on it without a second thought. In addition, titles must be eye-catching as it is a crucial element in writing a successful story.

In any way, your title is very creative but I know you can do better than that.

 

Description and Foreword (9/10)

I have to say, you did splendidly on both elements, and it really voices out how original the plot is and what a good adventure is bound to happen. Moreover, I am pleased to say that the structures of writing both description and foreword are done well and I must admit that I couldn’t even detect a single mistake. But it is in a human’s nature to commit an unknowing error along the way:

[Description] ‘…where strength and pride aren’t the only things you need to defend yourself…’ – (initially, you inserted ‘isn’t’ and this is wrong in the noun department. ‘Is’ belongs to the singular side while ‘are’ is in the plural section. Since ‘…strength and pride…’ are two subjects and are evidently plural, hence you should use ‘aren’t’.)

As a reader myself, I get all excited when I come across any creatively subtle description where it is a mask itself and I am the only one who can open it to reveal the face behind it. In this case, even if I am not a fan of pirates, I feel mesmerized by the description on the mysterious additional notes about Kiseop’s adventures on the UKISS ship. At first glance, your plot may be predictable because you depicted how badly Kiseop wanted to escape his normal life and become a pirate— readers may assume the usual pirate storyline like ‘Pirates of the Caribbean.’ Nevertheless, you managed to render me speechless when you added those lines and oncoming struggles that Kiseop would have to confront and I think it is a nice touch!

Now those are the qualities that I like about stories and I think it is a great spice to further heat your story up! Readers will be on the edge of their seats in wanting to devour your story in order to find out what those indications meant.

Your foreword wasn’t too bad, either!

 

Appearance (5/5)

Ever since my first review on your ‘Petals in the Fire’, I’ve been in love with the posters you used to describe the story! I absolutely like how fitting the background image was and the chapter banners were just amazing, what with different designs and mysterious quotes to go along with it. It was very top-notched.

The same could be said about this fanfiction; and I must say how much I adored the UKISS flag. It looked so surreal and I can really imagine myself submerge into the story and see clearly how things are. The graphics were made splendidly and I could see no sense of ill-fitting in any way. Graphics are also an important element in attracting interested readers and yours really caught mine without a second thought!

Your paragraphs were evenly spaced and I had no qualms whatsoever in reading because everything; let it be the size of the font or font style is well made. I also like how you inserted the last sentence from the previous chapter to give off a sense of relation.

Thumbs up for this section! Keep it up with your oncoming stories, too.

 

Plot (10/15)

Well, I can’t say that you scored perfectly in this section, but it’s a highly fair number although I do think you deserve more than this if you keep up with your creative ideas. For starters, your storyline seems a bit too clichéd if you ask me— I’m not saying it’s simple, but I can get what’s going to hit me soon in the oncoming chapters. If I can translate correctly, the story revolves around Kiseop who dreams of becoming a famous pirate; sailing the seas on one of the well-known ships. He embarks on adventures and finds himself tangled in a mystery which involves himself, the captain’s dark past and the whole crew. I apologize if I misunderstand anything but this is my honest opinion on how you’re bringing your story so far. It is very predictable to say the least.

However, given the unanswered questions you added in the description, I have to say that I’m looking forward to it! Other readers will probably agree with me on how intriguing the real message of your story is and how excited they are in anticipating those answers. I also like how intricate a web you’ve spun when you narrate the story in order to keep the main plot alive.

This is the main quality that lacks in most of the writers on this site, and it saddens me to know that they narrate stories that do not enhance the minds and attraction of other readers. To have an interesting plot is to lay out a complex yet enjoyable storyline that tingles the readers’ interest enough to have them join you throughout the story.

In short, the more surprising elements in your story, the more readers would want to stay faithful and read until the end!

 

Grammar (17/20)

According to my experience, most writers here on AFF do not have the initiative to actually re-read their stories before posting it. To me, those people either have no knowledge whatsoever on the proper decorum in English or they have no common sense, like, at all. Perfection is what I scrutinize in every story and yours was just a hair away from reaching my ideal point. In other words, I really love how you describe every little detail with such precision and amazing use of words and I think that’s a keeper—writers out there should really take a pointer or two from you.

I can’t really say that you made a lot of mistakes— they’re just the usual grammatical errors and it is repetitive. As I studied the chapters, I came to a conclusion that you lack knowledge in tenses as well as your use of proper words:

[Chapter 1] 1. ‘…he closed his eyes while listening to the soft sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks below…’ – (it is always better to add conjunctions like ‘while’ because it shows that he is doing two things simultaneously. As for your initial use of ‘crash’, it may be a lot more meaningful if you ended with ‘-ing’ because you wrote ‘listening’, it means that the whole sentence has to be in a continuous tense.)

[Chapter 3] 2. ‘…Kiseop rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue…’ – (please have a handy dictionary near you at all times to refer to spellings. The past tense for ‘stick’ is not ‘sticked’, because it literally does not exist! Therefore, it is ‘stuck’.)

[Chapter 3] 3. ‘…if their information is correct…’ – (it is always preferable to write in full spelling because it will showcase your maturity in proper vocabulary.)

All in all, I’m quite happy to see you improve in each and every chapter. As small as those grammatical errors were, one could not dismiss it as nothing. Remember to always revise and improve yourself!

 

Originality (10/15)

As I’ve said in the Plot Section on how you need to enhance your creativity more, it is also applicable in this particular section. I am well informed how you’ve been inspired by ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ and the likes, and this pretty much decreases the original value of your story. Don’t get me wrong, though! Inspiration is not a bad thing in any way because it produces our own ideas alongside the inspired work and it becomes a quality fiction. Other than that, yours is by far the most unique pirate story I’ve ever come across on the site and I can’t say that I hate it because of how similar it is to the movie— though there are major alternations— one of the scenes is literally the same as ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ (minus being nominated King of the village segment), where Kiseop was captured by wild villagers.

I couldn’t help but question your originality in this particular chapter because it has become one of the most compulsory scenes in pirate stories to have their characters tied to a pole by spear-threatening villagers.

Putting that matter aside, I have to say that you really possess this element when you write and I’m happy to speculate that your storey contains more of an original plot than inspired and altered scenes!

 

Flow (8/10)

It’s been quite a smooth ride. But I can’t help the feeling that the story was a bit too rushed for my taste; I mean for the crew-joining segment. Since you’ve given scary details about the feared UKISS pirates, I thought it’d be extremely challenging for Kiseop to actually be accepted onboard such a ship. To be honest, I had expected it to be action-packed where Kiseop tried his best to impress the pirates. The original flow wasn’t that bad, nonetheless, but it had its ups and downs like the one I’ve just pointed out. Other than that, it was quite sudden where Kevin planned their next navigations to the mysterious island to find his map. I didn’t expect it to be so cliché and so fast!

But then, what would you expect from a pirate-based story, right?

To be completely honest, I thought you were going to write more on Kiseop’s developments and adjustments on the UKISS ship. Seeing as he had just came onboard and suddenly, he’s off on his first pirate expedition and it all looked rushed to me.

Although, you might have intended it to be that way so if that’s the case, then I respect your decision. But maybe, you should also focus on the tiny developments since, well, it’s Kiseop’s first time on a real pirate ship for crying out loud! He should be exploring the ship or mingle with the other estranged crew members— or better still, get on one of the captain’s right-hand men’s bad side. Now that sounds interesting.

But who am I to change how your story flows, right? Just take a few pointers because most readers like their fictions slow yet steady.

 

Characterization (8/10)

To tell you the truth, I never quite regarded Kibum, Soohyun and Alexander as important characters; if not in the whole story in general, then in Kevin’s side story. There wasn’t enough development for them and I only realized that they were significant when you relived one of Kevin’s dark past. Because without it, I would have just taken in the fact that they were just the captain’s right-hand men with no relation to the whole story even if they did hold some of the most respected positions besides the Captain title.

But, I’m content with how every character’s personality fits them and the story’s atmosphere. They’ve turned from normal idols into pirates and the way you described each and every one of them is very convincing. I especially love Jonghyun’s greasy and erted attitude and the way you depict the way he talks and how he acts is just priceless— it’s definitely a keeper! But all in all, I like each and every character that you introduced, though I’d really appreciate if there was room for more character development even if they are just minor characters.

 

Overall Enjoyment (9/10)

All in all, you could say that I’m quite happy with how the story is going. It’s got incredibly accurate details on pirate life, codes, languages and even the ship— you described everything perfectly! I could feel the thrill coursing through me as I read the chapters but the one thing that I find lacking is the character development. Even if there was, it felt small and above all, slow so ultimately it went unnoticed.

Nevertheless, this piece of work is definitely not a fail. I can see that you’ve got great potential. The only thing that you have to keep in mind is to always check before posting— it is the utmost crucial step to professional writing and it reduces grammar mistakes!

 

My Overall Score!

3+9+5+10+10+8+8+9 = 79%

C. A good read, but needs checking.

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