Title (10) » 7
I see how the title matches your story, but I like titles to be more original. I kind of thought your title was overused {dialogue wise} and you could of thought of something more creative.

Presentation (10) » 8
For this being an oneshot, you don’t need to have much when you present so instead, when reviewing this section I looked at the structure of your paragraphs. I thought they looked fine, but I did see some flaws here and there. I’m not really a big fan of the ‘one sentence then space it all out’ because that would be incorrect in book form, but in fan fiction I feel it fits in some stories and yours is one of them! ;D

Description (10) 
I like one sentence descriptions, but I feel since this is an oneshot, we shouldn’t grade you on either the description or foreword because most of the time it’s unneeded. So therefore, I am not going to grade you on either but don’t worry, it won’t affect your score!

Foreword (10) 
-See Above-

Characterisation (20) » 18
I feel you characterized the OC very well! You made me feel like I was in her shoes, and that’s what I look for in an oneshot!

Plot (20) » 10
Okay first of all don’t say I’m bashing your story, I’m JUST being honest right now. This plot is not unique. I’ve seen many oneshots that are similar to this, a person left in their own sorrows for they cannot get what they truly believe could’ve been theirs. I feel you could’ve done better with making the plot your own, so I didn’t want to give this such a great score due to the fact it would be unfair in grading it as so.
 
Originality/ Creativity (10) » 5
I’m repeating myself right here. It was not as original and creative as I anticipated. Sorry. :/
 
Grammar/Punctuation (10) » 6
You did have some errors in grammar, so I docked some points there.

Spelling (5) » 5
Everything was spelled correctly I believe. {I think I read over it like 20 times. LOLOLOL}
 
Flow (10) » 10

The flow for this story fit perfectly. You explained the girls feelings to me while she was sitting watching what her future could’ve been unravel. I feel you did almost a perfect job on this, therefore, ALL OF THE POINTS FOR YOU. 

Overall Enjoyment (20) » 15
I don’t really enjoy stories that have similar plots, but I thought yours was great in delivering what was needed to be heard!

Bonus (5) » 4
You definitely are a gifted writer, I hope to see more from you in the future! 
 
Other Comments » 
Try to keep up the good work in describing and expressing the characters feelings! I felt like I was in her shoes!

Counted Mark » 88/120

Percentage » 73%

reviewed by -Jello-