So I'm sititng in my house tonight, and the day went by horribly.  I almost broke a guitar, my computer chord broke and my computer died on me shortly after, I think I may have pissed off a friend, went to the military base to buy a new chord, didn't fit in my computer, had to go back and spend a happy $70 to buy a new one, lost my cell phone, burned my self, and just wanted the day to end.

So I started to cry and scream since no one was at my house to hear me.  By then I was so frustrated that I decided to clean the out of my house because of pure frustration.  When I finished dusting off both pianos in my house, I sat down, and really started thinking.  I was bringing myself down, lower and lower.  My wandering mind of course went into my future plans and I really started to think, "Can I do what I want to do?  Can I audition for YG, and J.Tune, and JYP, and Cube, or even make it into any of the companies.  I really started thinking back into the day when my grandmother made a statement about my weight.  I then started thinking that I'm probably to big to audition for any of the companies, and they wouldn't accept me reguardless.  I started browsing through YouTube trying to find something that would occupy my now buzzing mind, and KBS World had released 2PM's A song for you ep. 4 where Taecyeon would be singing a song, but he didn't pick my request.  Though there was 2 girls that had the same dream as me, and when Taec responded back to it, I really felt like he was talking to me personally and that gave me a small glimps of inspiration.  I thought, "Who cares what size I am, its just a number and can be dropped with hard work (which I'm willing to put in)."  

Sure it still hurts to have my family talk crap about me behind my back, and especially today it hurt my feelings beyond beliefe.  I wanted to cry in the car, so I turned my iPod all the way to full blast and tuned out the world.  Even once inside the base, I listened to my music.  I drowned out everyone else (which is what I usually do) and went into my own little world.  I'm going to have to accept the fact that my family doesn't see me for being me, but as a health risk.  Hell I even know that I'm not super duper healthy, but as long as I'm trying my best to get the weight under control it counts for somthing right?  I'm still going to audition for YG, JYP, J.Tune Camp, and Cube entertainment reguardless of what anyone has to say about me.  While I'm not sure how some of the companies will work, I'm sure I can figure it out to get this down because that is my dream, and it's what I believe could be a true destiny.  If you're still reading my rant from this point, I would like to personally thank you, because it means a lot that you are taking time out of what ever it is your doing to see what the other authors are up to.  KAMSAHABNIDA!!