*sings to "Oh happy day" melody*

I ended up having a breakdown at the doctor's and bawling my eyes out, all because she had to go in the middle of our talk for a few minutes. I am so hyper sensitive at the moment that it is not even funny. She wants to see me again next week and if I still feel like this, my doses of antidepressants will be raised. I hate it. I hate that I cannot be happy on my own. I hate that I have to rely on medication for my brain to function properly. I feel like a fiasco. 

I went to a coffee shop afterwards, trying to write for a bit. It ended up in a messy text about Wookie being on antidepressants while Sungmin tries to calm him down. Messy and stupid and not worth reading. 

The tiniest things can just... make me break down completely. Like... when I suddenly realise that I am the one to take contact in most of my relationships, so I automatically wait for the other part to take contact, and when that doesn't happen, I feel like they hate me, they think I am stupid and a burden and they don't want to talk to me. I know somewhere, logically, that there are explanations for all of my friends, but my feelings and thoughts still tell me that the only reason is because I actually don't matter, I am just burden and they are relieved to get a break from me. 

I've tried to sing to get some of the thoughts out of my mind and it didn't really help. Just made me more depressed because I found a beautiful song that is really sad and I wanted to learn it. Rather stupid. 

And my computer is being stupid. I hate Windows 8, it is so stupid and nothing works properly. I want to record a video and I can't unless I use the app, which means I can have NOTHING else open and I can't do anything. If I move the mouse while recording, it finishes. It is so ridiculous. 

I'll do my Lating poetry, take a shower and then go to bed. This is a crappy day and I should have stayed in my bed.