So I don't want to keep posting personal stuff but I guess I need to vent again. 

I guess I should start off by saying that I'm not a writer I'm more of an artist. I draw characters and make up stories, I love detial and costume design. Most importantly I'm aiming for Disney. I know its kind of a long shot but its my dream.

Resently I've been giving a HUGE opportunity, I won't say what it is, but its pretty big, for me at least. Unfortunately I can't seem to find my courage. I have the opportunity, but I cant seem to take the step needed to grasp it.

Even though my future has nothing to do with music I can't help but wonder how on earth kpop idols found their courage to go through with their dreams. How did they take the step to drop out of school and audition? Or just audition in general? Even at such young ages. How did they work their hardest to reach the one possition that so many other people wanted? 
I mean its no surprise that the idol that I see as a role model is Park Bom. How did she find it in her to change schools behind her parent's back and pursue a career that they didn't approve of? Even though she was denied the first few times, she didn't give up, not once.  

I guess growing up just scares me. I'm still in a fantasy where I want to stay young forever, to play, to dream, and not have to deal with reality. I'm not the only one right? I feel like everyone else my age is so excited to grow up and leave home. I don't feel that urge at all. Sure I would love to leave home and have my own life but its the reality and struggle that comes with it that I don't look forward too.  

It's a matter of "easier said then done." I can tell others how great an oppertunity it is and how excited I am to use it, but deep down I'm scared less about a simple phonecall. I hope I have the same amount of courage, or even half, that Bom had or that so many others had when auditioning. I hope that I don't shame the people that believe in me and who have helped me.

Thanks for reading if you did :) I guess just writing my feelings out is good enough. Tell me, do any of you feel the same way? Have you gone through something already? Let me know.

Updates will come soon I promise~!

<3 <3 Erin <3 <3