title (10) >> 7

The title is a bit boring, but I like how it has 'angst' all over it once you read the title. It immediately gives the reader a good guess that the story is probably angst without reading the tags. It's not a bad title, but I think you could have thought of a better one.

 

presentation (10) >> 7

The poster was perfectly made, and I liked how whenever there were other colors besides grey, it would be faded so that the angst theme wouldn't be taken away. The presentation was rather simple, mostly because it was a oneshot, but I thought it could have been done a little bit better, in terms of explaining the story.

 

description (10) > > 9

Because this is a oneshot, I think descriptions and forewards are kind of optional. It just depends what you put in them, and as long as it relates to giving information about the story, then it is fine. ^ ^ You only got a nine because I thought you could have added a little bit more.

 

foreward (10) > > 9

I like the quote, although the idea of putting in quotes and phrases like that is kind of overused; but nonetheless, it is still a good part of the presentation to bring in a certain mood. c:

 

characterization (20) >> 20

You displayed Myungsoo wonderfully. The reader can definitely identify his behavior and his personality when much of his personality wasn't really displayed. I thought Jiyeon could have been displayed more, but I thought that the oneshot was mostly based on Myungsoo and his hallucinations and struggles, so I didn't dock off any points because of that. c:

 

plot (20) >> 18

This is definitely a work of angst, and I really liked it. It kept me wanting to read until the very end.

 

originality / creativity (10) >> 6

Honestly, I think I can find a handful of fanfics that have similar plots; however, it doesn't mean that this story was bad or anything. It's nothing close to bad at all. ^ ^ 

 

grammar / punctuation (10) >> 7

There were just a few minor mistakes, but for someone whose first language isn't English, you actually wrote pretty well; you really exceeded my expectations. ^ ^ Let me just point out a few mistakes:

 

" Listening to the rain was one of the good ways to spread her mind to outside and no bound for her thoughts."

This kind of confused me, probably because of the way you worded it. I knew what you were talking about, but I had to think about it. I would have wrote: "Listening to the rain was one of the things she did to expand her mind while creating no boundaries for her thoughts."

"The streets were too slippery, which made ​​me slip and almost fall down the cliff, which beneath was the ocean."

It's repititive to use the word 'which' more than two times in one sentence. I have this problem too, and I sometimes forget; and also, the description of the ocean being below the cliff was a bit confusing. When you make a mistake like this, try to combine the two sentences, like this: "The streets were too slippery, which made ​​me slip and almost fall down the cliff right above the ocean."

She told me that when she had trouble with the software that she used for spatial analysis, she always went to my brother and asked him how to use it. My brother gladly taught her. He also introduced her to our parents.

This is just an opinion of mine, but I thought it would have been better if you combined sentences. It kind of bothers me when people write short, simple sentences that are off topic. I would have written: "She told me that when she had trouble with the software that she used for spatial analysis, she always went to my brother and asked him how to use it, and my brother gladly taught her; he even introduced her to our parents."

 

spelling (10) >> 10

Spelling was perfect. You have a nice choice of words, by the way. c:

 

flow (10) >> 10

The flow was very well displayed. I liked how it started off with the current setting to tell the readers what was going on at the current moment, and then past events were explained to build up understanding for Myungsoo's current situation.

 

overall enjoyment (20) >> 20

I really liked this oneshot. When I skimmed through it to see how long the oneshot was, I was like, "Oh God, this is a long oneshot . ." but then again, I'm quite lazy, so. xD I judged a book by its cover, when this oneshot ended up hitting me right in the feels . . it was amazing! I love it!

 

bonus (5) >> 5

You get full bonus points for having such wonderful vocabulary and very few mistakes despite the fact that English is not your first language. I applaud you. ^ ^ 

 

other comments > >

Okay so you already know I loved this oneshot. I was hesistant on reading this because I don't really like T-Ara, but I just focused on the plot. If the story and plot is good, then it doesn't really matter if you like the characters or not. I loved your writing style, like, so much. Your vocabulary is just . . amazing. I wish I had a better choice of words like you do. Please never stop writing. c: Hopefully you'll take my advice to consideration and that you thought this review helped you! ^ ^

 

 

I'd find my way back to this piece of beautifullness even if I fell off a cliff, I'm just saying

 

counted mark > > 128 / 140

percentage > > 91 %