Well, for a moment here, everyone might have thought this was a blog post about Suho.

Yes I know I owe a lot of people the next chapters of my Suho fanfic, but seriously why do you guys want to read a story of me shamelessly writing with my name in it?

Yes fine, I know. I will update it soon. My friend has already surrendered to me because she's got her hands full by my timely distraction known as 'That Paper Plane Could Not Fly.' My arms are freed of her claws and the red trails she leave.

Anyway, I just felt like making this blog post to thank whoever has been looking after me.

Do you ever get the feeling someone is watching over you?

Yeah, I think I have a guardian angel watching over me. 

I'm not particularly religious or anything but I think I can just feel someone's gentle, warm existence wrapped around mine, exuding this faint, non-existent-like glow.

And I just want to say thank you - for trying to protect a life that isn't exactly that worth it just because I happen to be quite the b*tch, really.

To be honest, these few days I have been getting increasingly upset to the point I think I might be suffering from a subconscious depression. Like depression hiding beneath the surface but it's nothing serious because apparently I can still laugh over ridiculous things. I'm not upset at anyone. Most of the incidents are more like take-and-go, I never truly feel upset at a certain something for a long period of time. Even when my 3D teacher (the one who kept rubbing in) came and told me that I (then said he was joking when he just came to me out of the blue and announced it) I didn't even feel anything.

But recently I just feel really lost, like I don't belong anywhere and there's not a suitable path for me to take at all. I really hated going to schools and constantly having to be judged and pushed into fierce competition. I know all these are things I have to get used to, but I just hated it. That has always been my selfish personality - to have a world whereby I just lived for who I am without having to be compared and I just do what I like. I just don't really enjoy what I'm doing in school and what my school expects me to go through.

I think that probably all these pathetic emotions are caused because I am someone with absolutely zero talent in anything that I do.

The modules are fun. Some of the stuff I'm learning are fun, but I just get the feeling that I'm so out of place. The desolate sense of not belonging anywhere even though I'm not ostracized by anybody. I just feel like I'm trapped in a current, and swimming out of it might be my way out, but that would be mean abandoning me the ship I was on and abandoning what might have been the safest option for me. That's exactly how I feel right now, I don't like anything I'm doing and I want out, but is out really the solution? What if till the end, it's just my selfish feelings, it's just me being a coward, and then actually, from the start, my current course is where I truly belong?

And I truly felt so upset that the first word that came to my mind when I woke up today was hate. And the word hate in my mind was in bold and in black, and they jumped out in my brain like big, dark letters, filling up the space in my thoughts.

Then my tears spilled out in the darkness.

I don't know why I cried. I'm just all-so fragile and god-knows-what.

Maybe I'm just scared. I'm stuck in the 'present' and I am not walking towards the future, but the future is coming towards me, instead.

But, surprisingly, on my way to school, I started to smile a lot without myself even realizing it. All kinds of weird thoughts popped into my head as I walked along (I tend to talk to myself in my brain all the time) and I was just smiling all the way WITHOUT MYSELF REALIZING IT. I swear I didn't really realize of it, until suddenly I came to notice how I seemed to be smiling even though I was such a wreck in the morning.

To me, it felt like someone understood of my melancholy and was trying to cheer me up in a tiny way. Maybe I was my own salvation, but at that point of time I just felt like someone is really looking out for me somewhere close by.